The following maps show the changes in the town of Springer from 1970 until now.

The pictures describe how the town of Stromer has changed between 1970 and now.

Overall, the town underwent a number of significant changes, the most important of which are the airport and the development of shops and residential areas, catering for the increase in the population of the town.

In the northern part, most of the trees were cut down to make way for the airport, while the houses have been changed into apartments. Moving to the center of the town, no changes have been made to the forest in the east until now, but a part of the forest in the west has been converted into shops and school. Houses in this area have been also turned into shops.

In the southern part, numerous of shops and houses have been constructed, replacing the farmland. However, in the south-east, the farmland has still stayed the same place, in spite of being accompanied by a number of apartments at present. Meanwhile, to the west, the forest has still remained until now.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Overall, the town underwent a number of significant changes" -> "Overall, the town underwent several significant transformations"
Explanation: Replacing "a number of" with "several" and "changes" with "transformations" provides a more precise and sophisticated description of the town’s evolution.
"catering for the increase in the population of the town" -> "to accommodate the burgeoning population of the town"
Explanation: "Catering for" is less formal compared to "to accommodate," and "the increase in" can be replaced with "burgeoning" to convey growth more vividly.
"most of the trees were cut down" -> "the majority of the trees were felled"
Explanation: "Felled" is a more specific and formal term for cutting down trees, enhancing the vocabulary choice in the description.
"no changes have been made to the forest in the east until now" -> "the forest in the east remains unchanged to date"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, while using "to date" instead of "until now" adds sophistication.
"a part of the forest in the west has been converted into shops and school" -> "a portion of the western forest has been transformed into commercial and educational facilities"
Explanation: "Converted" can be replaced with "transformed" for a more precise description, and "shops and school" can be refined to "commercial and educational facilities" for clarity and formality.
"numerous of shops and houses" -> "numerous shops and residences"
Explanation: "Numerous of" is grammatically incorrect; "residences" is a more formal term for houses.
"replacing the farmland" -> "replacing the agricultural land"
Explanation: Using "agricultural land" instead of "farmland" adds specificity and formality to the description.
"the farmland has still stayed the same place" -> "the agricultural land remains unchanged"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "has still stayed the same place" to "remains unchanged" improves clarity and formality.
"in spite of being accompanied by a number of apartments at present" -> "despite now being accompanied by several apartment complexes"
Explanation: Replacing "in spite of being accompanied by" with "despite now being accompanied by" and "a number of" with "several" enhances clarity and formality.
"the forest has still remained until now" -> "the forest has persisted unchanged"
Explanation: Replacing "still remained" with "persisted" and adding "unchanged" improves the precision and formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes in the town of Springer from 1970 until now. It mentions key features such as the development of an airport, the conversion of houses into apartments, the establishment of shops and schools, and the replacement of farmland with shops and residential areas. The essay presents a clear overview of main trends and differences in various parts of the town.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific details and extend the discussion of each change to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the transformation over time. Additionally, ensuring clarity and coherence in the presentation of ideas would enhance the overall quality of the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, aligning with a Band 6 according to the IELTS band descriptor. The writer organizes information coherently with a clear overall progression from the past to the present, as illustrated in their discussion from the northern part to the southern part of the town. Cohesive devices are employed to connect ideas, such as "Overall," "Moving to," and "Meanwhile," which aid in the logical flow of information. However, the cohesion between sentences sometimes appears mechanical, particularly with repetitive structures like "has been changed," "has been turned," and "has been constructed," which could be diversified for smoother transitions.

There is an attempt at clear paragraphing, separating descriptions of changes in different parts of the town, although transitions between these paragraphs could be enhanced to ensure smoother logical flow and connectivity. The essay occasionally suffers from slight inaccuracies in referencing and substitution, which hampers the clarity of some points. For example, the phrase "in spite of being accompanied by a number of apartments" could be clarified in terms of what is being accompanied.

How to improve:

Enhance cohesive device variety: To prevent cohesion from feeling mechanical, diversify the use of cohesive devices beyond simple linking words. Experiment with a range of devices, such as synonyms, pronouns, and ellipsis, to ensure smoother transitions and to maintain the reader’s interest.
Refine paragraph transitions: Work on the logical flow between paragraphs by using more explicit connective phrases that relate back to the previous ideas or clearly signal the introduction of a new aspect. This will strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.
Improve accuracy in referencing: Ensure that pronouns and demonstratives clearly refer back to specific antecedents to avoid ambiguity. This will help in maintaining clear and effective communication throughout the essay.
Review and revise sentence structure variety: Incorporate a variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of the essay. Over-reliance on passive constructions or repeated phrase structures can make the text read mechanically. Consider mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences to create a more engaging narrative.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, describing the changes in the town of Stromer from 1970 to the present. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "catering for," "farmland," and "numerous," but with some inaccuracies. Some errors in word choice and word formation are present, such as "Stromer" instead of "Springer" and "town" instead of "city." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys the changes in the town’s infrastructure and land use over time.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, strive for more precise and varied vocabulary. Ensure accuracy in word choice and use appropriate terminology consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors and enhance clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are some instances where complex structures are attempted but lack accuracy, causing confusion. The majority of the sentences are understandable, but there are frequent grammatical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation throughout the essay. These errors occasionally hinder the clarity of the message.

How to improve:
To improve the score, focus on enhancing the accuracy and complexity of sentence structures. Practice incorporating more varied sentence types, including complex sentences, with attention to grammatical correctness. Additionally, thorough proofreading to address grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies will help enhance clarity and coherence in the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps depict the evolution of Stromer town from 1970 to the present day.

Overall, significant transformations occurred, notably the establishment of an airport and the expansion of commercial and residential zones to accommodate the burgeoning population.

In the northern sector, substantial deforestation facilitated the construction of an airport, while residential structures were converted into apartments. Transitioning to the town’s central area, the eastern forest remains untouched, whereas a portion of the western woodland has been repurposed for commercial and educational facilities. Additionally, residential properties in this vicinity have been repurposed as retail spaces.

In the southern district, extensive construction led to the replacement of farmlands with commercial and residential units. Nevertheless, in the southeast quadrant, farmlands persist alongside the emergence of apartment complexes. Meanwhile, the western forest has remained unchanged throughout the period under consideration.