The following table shows the number of people from five European nations living in each other’s countries in 2011.

The chart illustrates the population of five European countries residing in each other's nations in 2011.
Overall, it is shown that Germany had the highest number of immigrants, in contrast to Polish which stood at the lowest figure. Nevertheless, Polish citizens tended to significantly move out from this country in 2011 with the highest data regarding migration.
In terms of immigration, Germany stood at the highest position with approximately 1.2 million people, including mainly Italian and Polish immigrants. This figure is closely followed by the British, with approximately 1 million people, five times higher than Italian. The third place is Spanish with around 850 thousand immigrants, much higher compared to Polish with only 6 thousand people. Interestingly, around 400 thousand British citizens are immigrating to Spanish, contributing to nearly half of this nation's immigrant population.
Regarding migration, the Polish surpassed the Spanish to stand at the highest position of around 1.2 million people, followed by Italians with over 800 thousand people. There is hardly any difference in the number of migrants between British and Germany, having approximately 500 thousand people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"in contrast to Polish" -> "in contrast to Poland"
Explanation: "Polish" refers to the nationality or language, while "Poland" refers to the country. Therefore, "Poland" is the appropriate term in this context to contrast with "Germany."
"tended to significantly move out" -> "experienced significant emigration"
Explanation: "Experienced significant emigration" provides a more formal and precise description of the population movement out of Poland.
"around 1.2 million people" -> "approximately 1.2 million individuals"
Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "people" adds a formal touch to the statement.
"This figure is closely followed by the British" -> "This figure is closely followed by the United Kingdom"
Explanation: Referring to "the United Kingdom" rather than "the British" is more precise and formal.
"with approximately 1 million people" -> "with approximately 1 million individuals"
Explanation: Similar to the previous suggestion, replacing "people" with "individuals" enhances formality.
"five times higher than Italian" -> "five times higher than that of Italy"
Explanation: Using "that of Italy" clarifies the comparison between the British immigrant population and the population of Italy.
"the third place is Spanish" -> "Spain takes the third position"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence provides a clearer and more formal presentation of the information.
"with around 850 thousand immigrants" -> "with approximately 850 thousand immigrants"
Explanation: Using "approximately" instead of "around" maintains consistency in the language.
"compared to Polish with only 6 thousand people" -> "in contrast to Poland, which had only 6 thousand immigrants"
Explanation: This revision provides a clearer comparison between the immigration numbers of Spain and Poland.
"British citizens are immigrating to Spanish" -> "British citizens are immigrating to Spain"
Explanation: "Spanish" refers to the language or nationality, while "Spain" refers to the country itself.
"to stand at the highest position of around 1.2 million people" -> "to top the list with approximately 1.2 million individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "highest position" with "top the list" and using "individuals" instead of "people" enhances clarity and formality.
"followed by Italians with over 800 thousand people" -> "followed by Italy, with over 800 thousand individuals"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison between the migration numbers of Poland and Italy.
"having approximately 500 thousand people" -> "with approximately 500 thousand individuals"
Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "people" maintains consistency and formality throughout the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting an overview of the main trends in the data provided. It outlines the key features of immigration and migration patterns among the five European countries in 2011. The essay effectively highlights the differences in immigration and migration figures, giving attention to the countries with the highest and lowest numbers of immigrants and migrants.

How to improve:
To improve the Task Achievement score to a higher band, consider providing more detailed analysis of the data presented in the chart. Additionally, ensure that all key features are fully extended and explored, providing a more comprehensive overview of the immigration and migration patterns.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider refining the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure seamless flow. Additionally, aim for more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to elevate the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, utilizing terms related to population, immigration, and migration. It attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "immigrants" and "migrants," but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "British citizens are immigrating to Spanish" could be improved to "British citizens are immigrating to Spain." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "Polish which stood" which should be "Polish, which stood," and "British and Germany" which should be "Britain and Germany." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary throughout the essay. Ensure accuracy in word choice and collocation, paying attention to grammatical structures and prepositions. Proofread the essay carefully to correct errors in word formation and spelling, which will enhance clarity and readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, such as in the opening statement and the description of data. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which occasionally affect clarity but do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively presents an overview of the data and makes comparisons between the countries’ immigration and migration trends.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of sentence structures, including more complex sentences. Additionally, careful proofreading to address errors in grammar and punctuation would improve the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table delineates the populace of five European nations residing within each other’s borders in the year 2011.

Overall, it is evident that Germany had the highest influx of immigrants, while Poland experienced the lowest. However, it is noteworthy that Polish nationals exhibited a notable tendency to emigrate, with the highest migration figures recorded for this group.

In terms of immigration, Germany occupied the foremost position, hosting approximately 1.2 million individuals, predominantly comprising Italian and Polish migrants. Following closely behind, Britain welcomed around 1 million immigrants, a figure five times greater than that of Italy. Spain secured the third spot with roughly 850 thousand immigrants, significantly surpassing the influx into Poland, which stood at a mere 6 thousand. Intriguingly, approximately 400 thousand British citizens chose Spain as their destination, constituting nearly half of the immigrant population in the country.

Regarding emigration, Poland surpassed Spain to claim the top spot, with an exodus of approximately 1.2 million people, trailed by Italy with over 800 thousand individuals. The disparity between the number of migrants from Britain and Germany was minimal, both hovering around 500 thousand individuals.