The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Surely there is at least a negative reaction about some policies which are related to infringing on human freedom; moreover; people may be uncooperative and uncomfortable to follow. On the other hand, I completely agree with a statement that the people’s right sometime should be violated for society’s safety.

Beginning with the first reason, it is one of the most necessary way, which the government protect their citizen from danger which is specifically make sense at viral pandemic in 2020. For instance, resident’s abilities to go out in corona pandemic are strictly banned because the speed of spreading virus is dramatically increase often by the hour. Certainly, the restriction was affected a lot on people’s work, relationship and life but what it could be if dwellers had too much outdoor activities at that time. Obviously, it could lead to the worst situation and covid-19 virus would be out of control that is no one wanted to happen.

Another reason is making sure that safety regulations are followed that is the priority of governance when they infringe on citizen’s right. To put it simply, the rapidly expansion of crime is one of the serious problem which will threaten to nation’s security. In our country, it is not allow drug trafficking and arms dealing due to its hazardous and harmful. Assuming that resident’s have permission to use drugs and weapons, it will result in unstable society and will be worse when the amount of drug traffickers and arms dealers raise all over the country. Additionally, crime is not only enormously impact on local’s safety but also impact on country’s living standard.

For several reasons mentioned above, there is no doubt about why I firmly agree with the believe that the government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Surely there is at least a negative reaction about some policies" -> "It is evident that there is a negative reaction to certain policies"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a statement, and "certain policies" is more specific than "some policies," enhancing the academic tone.
"which are related to infringing on human freedom" -> "that infringe upon human freedom"
Explanation: "That infringe upon human freedom" is more direct and formal, avoiding the passive construction "are related to infringing," which is less precise.
"people may be uncooperative and uncomfortable to follow" -> "individuals may resist and feel uncomfortable with these policies"
Explanation: "Individuals may resist and feel uncomfortable with these policies" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague "people" and the informal "uncooperative and uncomfortable."
"the people’s right sometime should be violated" -> "the rights of individuals may need to be restricted"
Explanation: "The rights of individuals may need to be restricted" is more precise and avoids the awkward and unclear "the people’s right sometime should be violated."
"it is one of the most necessary way" -> "it is one of the most essential measures"
Explanation: "Measures" is the correct term for actions taken by the government, and "essential" is more formal than "necessary."
"which the government protect their citizen" -> "which protects citizens"
Explanation: "Protects citizens" is grammatically correct and more direct, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "protect their citizen."
"resident’s abilities to go out" -> "residents’ ability to venture outdoors"
Explanation: "Residents’ ability to venture outdoors" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and vague "resident’s abilities to go out."
"the speed of spreading virus is dramatically increase" -> "the rate of virus transmission increases dramatically"
Explanation: "The rate of virus transmission increases dramatically" is more formal and accurate, correcting the grammatical error in "is dramatically increase."
"the restriction was affected a lot on people’s work, relationship and life" -> "the restrictions significantly impacted individuals’ work, relationships, and daily lives"
Explanation: "Restrictions significantly impacted individuals’ work, relationships, and daily lives" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "affected a lot" and vague terms.
"dwellers had too much outdoor activities" -> "residents engaged in excessive outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Residents engaged in excessive outdoor activities" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "dwellers had too much outdoor activities."
"making sure that safety regulations are followed" -> "ensuring compliance with safety regulations"
Explanation: "Ensuring compliance with safety regulations" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea.
"the rapidly expansion of crime" -> "the rapid expansion of crime"
Explanation: "The rapid expansion of crime" corrects the grammatical error in "the rapidly expansion."
"it is not allow" -> "it is not allowed"
Explanation: "It is not allowed" corrects the grammatical error in "it is not allow."
"will be worse when the amount of drug traffickers and arms dealers raise all over the country" -> "will worsen when the number of drug traffickers and arms dealers increases nationwide"
Explanation: "Will worsen when the number of drug traffickers and arms dealers increases nationwide" is more formal and precise, correcting grammatical errors and enhancing clarity.
"crime is not only enormously impact on local’s safety" -> "crime not only significantly impacts local safety"
Explanation: "Crime not only significantly impacts local safety" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"will be worse when the amount of drug traffickers and arms dealers raise all over the country" -> "will worsen when the number of drug traffickers and arms dealers increases nationwide"
Explanation: This is a repeat of the correction from point 14, ensuring consistency and improving formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear agreement with the idea that the government should infringe on personal freedoms for societal security. The author provides two main reasons: the necessity of restrictions during the COVID-19 pandemic and the importance of safety regulations to combat crime. However, while both points are relevant, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of the extent to which such infringements are justified, as the prompt asks for an evaluation of the extent of agreement or disagreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly discuss the balance between individual freedoms and societal security. Including a counterargument or acknowledging potential drawbacks of government infringement could provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of government infringement on freedoms, as stated in the introduction and reinforced throughout. The use of phrases like "I completely agree" and "there is no doubt" emphasizes the author’s stance. However, the transition between points could be smoother, and the conclusion could more explicitly restate the position in relation to the prompt.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author should ensure that each paragraph transitions logically and reinforces the main argument. A more definitive conclusion that succinctly summarizes the argument and reiterates the extent of agreement would also enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two main ideas: the necessity of government restrictions during a pandemic and the need for safety regulations to prevent crime. Both ideas are supported with examples, such as the COVID-19 restrictions and the implications of drug trafficking. However, the development of these ideas lacks depth; for instance, the pandemic example could include more specific details about the consequences of not implementing restrictions.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. Providing statistical data or citing studies could further substantiate the claims made. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the government’s role in infringing on freedoms for security. However, there are moments where the connection to the main argument could be clearer, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion of crime could be more tightly linked to the overarching theme of government intervention.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. Using topic sentences that clearly outline how each paragraph contributes to the overall argument will help keep the discussion relevant and on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there are opportunities for improvement in depth of argumentation, clarity of transitions, and explicit engagement with the prompt’s nuances.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the government’s right to infringe on personal freedoms for societal security. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from the discussion of pandemic restrictions to crime prevention feels abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on health safety during the pandemic, while the second shifts to crime without a clear connection or transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing pandemic restrictions, a sentence like "Similarly, the government’s role in ensuring public safety extends to preventing crime" could create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. Each paragraph addresses a specific point related to the thesis. However, the effectiveness of the paragraphs could be improved. The first paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence, which makes it harder for the reader to grasp the main point immediately. Furthermore, the second paragraph could benefit from better internal organization to clarify the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with, "One significant reason for government intervention is to protect public health during crises, such as the COVID-19 pandemic." Additionally, ensure that supporting sentences within each paragraph logically follow the topic sentence and contribute to the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand," "for instance," and "additionally," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "it is one of the most necessary way," which detracts from clarity. The use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore," "in contrast," or "consequently" to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical accuracy when using these devices; for instance, "it is one of the most necessary ways" instead of "way" would improve clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "infringing," "uncooperative," "viral pandemic," and "hazardous." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks variation. For example, the phrase "infringe on people’s freedom" appears multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical variety. Additionally, phrases like "the worst situation" and "the amount of drug traffickers" could be expressed with more sophisticated vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "infringe," alternatives like "restrict," "limit," or "curtail" could be used. The writer could also explore more advanced vocabulary related to governance and societal issues, such as "civil liberties," "public safety," or "social order."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the people’s right sometime should be violated" is awkward and unclear; "sometime" should be "sometimes," and "violated" could be replaced with "restricted" for better clarity. Additionally, the term "resident’s abilities" is vague and could be more accurately expressed as "residents’ freedoms" or "individuals’ rights."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that word choices reflect the context appropriately. Regularly consulting a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can also help in selecting more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "way" instead of "ways," "dwellers" instead of "dwellers," and "allow" instead of "allowed." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or using flashcards for commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Regular reading can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate use of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Surely there is at least a negative reaction about some policies which are related to infringing on human freedom" shows an attempt at complexity. However, many sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "it is one of the most necessary way, which the government protect their citizen from danger," which lacks proper subject-verb agreement and clarity. The essay tends to rely on straightforward sentence forms, which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying, "the government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society," the writer could elaborate: "While some argue that government intervention infringes on personal freedoms, it is essential to recognize that such measures can be justified in the interest of public safety." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "it is one of the most necessary way" should be "it is one of the most necessary ways," indicating a lack of subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the phrase "which the government protect their citizen" should be corrected to "which the government protects its citizens." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the misuse of semicolons in "Surely there is at least a negative reaction about some policies which are related to infringing on human freedom; moreover; people may be uncooperative and uncomfortable to follow." The second semicolon should be a comma.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, as well as reading well-structured essays, can help reinforce these concepts. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission can significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing. It may also be beneficial to learn the rules governing the use of commas, semicolons, and conjunctions to ensure clarity and correctness in sentence construction.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and attempts to engage with the topic, attention to grammatical accuracy and the diversification of sentence structures will be crucial for achieving a higher band score in the IELTS writing assessment.

Bài sửa mẫu

Surely there is at least a negative reaction to some policies that infringe upon human freedom; moreover, people may be uncooperative and uncomfortable following them. On the other hand, I completely agree with the statement that people’s rights should sometimes be restricted for society’s safety.

Beginning with the first reason, it is one of the most essential measures the government can take to protect its citizens from danger, which is especially relevant during a viral pandemic, such as in 2020. For instance, residents’ ability to go outdoors during the coronavirus pandemic was strictly banned because the rate of virus transmission increased dramatically, often by the hour. Certainly, the restrictions significantly impacted individuals’ work, relationships, and daily lives, but what could have happened if dwellers had engaged in excessive outdoor activities at that time? Obviously, it could have led to a worse situation, and the COVID-19 virus would have been out of control, which is not something anyone wanted to happen.

Another reason is that ensuring compliance with safety regulations is the priority of governance when they infringe on citizens’ rights. To put it simply, the rapid expansion of crime is one of the serious problems that threaten the nation’s security. In our country, drug trafficking and arms dealing are not allowed due to their hazardous and harmful nature. Assuming that residents had permission to use drugs and weapons, it would result in an unstable society and would worsen when the number of drug traffickers and arms dealers increases nationwide. Additionally, crime not only significantly impacts local safety but also affects the country’s living standards.

For the several reasons mentioned above, there is no doubt about why I firmly agree with the belief that the government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society.