The graph and chart below give information about species extinctions and the threats to plan

The graph and chart illustrate the amount of plant and animal being extincted per decade in tropical forests and numerous factors belonging to human impact and natural events which are two main hazards to the life of plants.

Overall, it can be seen that 2060 is predicted to witness the highest extinction number of flora and fauna and danger posed to the flora are more human-induced than naturally caused.

A closer look at the line chart reviews that in 2000, the number of extincted plant and animal was 5,000 species. This figure continues to increase to the present and is expected to rise substantially until 2060. Initially, the amount of extinction is projected to reach its peak of 50,000 species in the year 2060, which is tenfold higher than the one at the beginning. After 2060, the trend is likely to fall gradually.

When it comes to the bar chart, human impact occupies 81,3%, which is four fifth of the hazard contributing to the extinction of plants, the remains belong to natural events with 19,7%. Particularly, natural events contain 7% of natural glamity and 11,7% of other natural events. Regarding human activities, there are a much larger range of factors including 9 main problems. Of all surveyed factors, agriculture accounts for 18,7% of human impact, ranking the 1st place, following are harvesting and development which are all above 10%. The last place belongs to invasive varieties and plantations, which are both below 5%.

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Errors and Improvements:

"amount of plant and animal being extincted" -> "number of plant and animal extinctions"
Explanation: "Being extincted" is awkward phrasing. "Number of plant and animal extinctions" is a clearer and more concise way to express the idea.
"numerous factors belonging to human impact" -> "various factors attributed to human impact"
Explanation: "Belonging to" is a less precise phrase compared to "attributed to." "Various" is a more sophisticated alternative to "numerous."
"predicted to witness" -> "projected to experience"
Explanation: "Predicted to witness" is somewhat redundant. "Projected to experience" is a more concise and formal way to convey the idea.
"flora and fauna" -> "plant and animal life"
Explanation: "Flora and fauna" is a common phrase, but using "plant and animal life" provides a more specific and scientific description.
"extincted" -> "extinct"
Explanation: "Extincted" is not a standard term. "Extinct" is the correct adjective form to describe species that have died out.
"extincted plant and animal" -> "extinct species of plants and animals"
Explanation: "Extincted plant and animal" is grammatically incorrect. "Extinct species of plants and animals" is a more accurate and formal expression.
"continues to increase" -> "continues to rise"
Explanation: "Continues to increase" is repetitive. "Continues to rise" conveys the same meaning more succinctly.
"amount of extinction" -> "extent of extinction"
Explanation: "Amount of extinction" is not the most precise terminology. "Extent of extinction" is a more appropriate phrase in this context.
"projected to reach its peak" -> "expected to peak"
Explanation: "Projected to reach its peak" is redundant. "Expected to peak" is a concise alternative.
"tenfold higher" -> "ten times higher"
Explanation: "Tenfold higher" is colloquial. "Ten times higher" is a more formal expression.
"When it comes to" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "When it comes to" is informal. "Regarding" is a more formal alternative.
"four fifth" -> "four fifths"
Explanation: "Four fifth" should be pluralized to "four fifths" to match the plural noun "hazard."
"belong to natural events" -> "attributed to natural events"
Explanation: "Belong to" is less precise than "attributed to" in this context.
"natural glamity" -> "natural calamities"
Explanation: "Glamity" is not a recognized word. "Calamities" is the correct term for disastrous events.
"a much larger range of factors" -> "a wider array of factors"
Explanation: "Much larger range" is somewhat redundant. "Wider array" is a more concise alternative.
"all surveyed factors" -> "all factors surveyed"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase for better clarity and flow.
"the 1st place" -> "first place"
Explanation: Using the ordinal number "1st" should be replaced with "first" for formal writing.
"below 5%" -> "less than 5%"
Explanation: "Below 5%" can be more precisely expressed as "less than 5%."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the graph and chart, discussing trends and key points. The main trends and key features are highlighted, such as the increase in extinctions over time and the proportion of human impact vs. natural events. However, the essay could be more fully developed, especially in explaining the significance or implications of the data.
How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed explanations or analysis of the data presented. Make sure to fully develop each point and connect them logically to provide a comprehensive overview.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a generally coherent manner with an attempt at progression, though some aspects lack clarity and cohesion. There is an overall organization of ideas, with a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are presented logically. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother to create a more seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, clarify the relationships between ideas within and between sentences to improve the overall coherence of the essay. Also, pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid potential confusion or repetition. Lastly, consider refining paragraph structure to ensure logical progression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, including terms such as "extincted," "flora and fauna," "human-induced," and "natural events." There is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary, although with some inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, such as "extincted" instead of "extinct" and "natural glamity" instead of "natural calamity." The essay conveys the main ideas with clarity, despite occasional errors in word choice and expression.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary. Avoid awkward phrasing and inaccuracies by double-checking the usage of less common terms. Expand vocabulary related to the topic, particularly by learning synonyms and varied expressions for commonly used terms. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is evidence of an effort to incorporate complex ideas, such as discussing the trends shown in the graph and chart. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement ("being extincted" should be "becoming extinct"), incorrect word choices ("extincted" should be "extinct," "glamity" should be "calamity"), and awkward phrasing ("the remains belong to natural events" could be clearer). Punctuation is also faulty in some instances.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and choosing appropriate vocabulary. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors can enhance clarity and readability. Practicing sentence formation and reviewing grammar rules can help refine writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph and chart depict the rate of species extinctions and the various threats to plant life.

Overall, it is evident that the year 2060 is projected to experience the highest number of extinctions, with human-induced threats posing a greater danger to plant life compared to natural occurrences.

Examining the line chart reveals that in 2000, approximately 5,000 plant and animal species became extinct. This figure has steadily risen over the years and is expected to significantly increase until 2060. Specifically, the number of extinctions is forecasted to peak at 50,000 species in 2060, representing a tenfold increase from the initial count. Subsequently, the trend is anticipated to decline gradually.

Turning to the bar chart, human activities account for 81.3% of the hazards contributing to plant extinction, with natural events comprising the remaining 19.7%. Notably, natural events consist of 7% due to natural calamities and 11.7% due to other natural occurrences. Among human activities, agriculture is the most prominent factor, contributing to 18.7% of the human impact, followed by harvesting and development, both exceeding 10%. In contrast, invasive species and plantations rank lowest, each contributing less than 5% to the overall impact.

In summary, the data presented highlights the alarming rate of species extinctions, predominantly attributed to human activities, particularly agriculture, harvesting, and development.