The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table give informations about the water consumption globally and water use in two specific nations.
Overall, the agricultural use of water took the highest place and was increasingly used over the world yearly. On the other hand, Brazil, with larger irrigated area, consumed more water than Congo.
It can be seen from the line graph that the main use of water was solely on Agriculture, starting at approximately 500 cubic km, it had a significant rise in the later half of the 20th century,stopping at 300 cubic km. Whereas, the water consumption in industries and private uses were clearly lower, they had an improvement as the figures increased gradually during the after half of the 20th century, marking at 1000 cubic km and domestic use at nearly 300 cubic km.
We can see that from the table, Brazil was dominating Congo in every categories, there were 176 million Brazilian while the Congo only had about 5,2 million people, Moreover, Brazil’s irrigated land were much more enormous than Congo’s, occupied up to 26,500 km square approximately while Congo’s area at 100 km square.Due to being much larger than Congo, the Brazil people tended to use more water too with each person using 359 cubic meters with the Congonian only 8 cubic meters per individual.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"informations" -> "information"
Explanation: "Information" is an uncountable noun and should not be used in the plural form.
"took the highest place" -> "was the highest"
Explanation: "Took the highest place" is an informal expression; "was the highest" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.
"was increasingly used over the world yearly" -> "increased globally each year"
Explanation: "Was increasingly used over the world yearly" is vague and awkward. "Increased globally each year" is clearer and more direct.
"with larger irrigated area" -> "with a larger irrigated area"
Explanation: The phrase requires the article "a" to be grammatically correct.
"stopping at 300 cubic km" -> "reaching approximately 1,000 cubic km"
Explanation: "Stopping at" is informal and misleading; "reaching approximately" provides a clearer and more accurate description of the data.
"the later half of the 20th century" -> "the latter half of the 20th century"
Explanation: The correct term is "latter," which refers to the second of two items or periods.
"the water consumption in industries and private uses were clearly lower" -> "water consumption in industry and domestic use was significantly lower"
Explanation: "Industries" should be singular as "industry" in this context, and "private uses" is better expressed as "domestic use." "Clearly lower" is vague; "significantly lower" is more precise.
"they had an improvement as the figures increased gradually during the after half of the 20th century" -> "they showed gradual improvement during the latter half of the 20th century"
Explanation: "They had an improvement" is awkward; "they showed gradual improvement" is more natural. "During the after half" is incorrect; "during the latter half" is the proper phrase.
"marking at 1000 cubic km and domestic use at nearly 300 cubic km" -> "reaching approximately 1,000 cubic km and domestic use at nearly 300 cubic km"
Explanation: "Marking at" is informal; "reaching approximately" is more precise and formal.
"Brazil was dominating Congo in every categories" -> "Brazil dominated Congo in every category"
Explanation: "Was dominating" is a continuous tense that is unnecessary here; "dominated" is more concise. "Every categories" should be "every category" for grammatical accuracy.
"there were 176 million Brazilian while the Congo only had about 5,2 million people" -> "there were 176 million Brazilians, whereas Congo had approximately 5.2 million people"
Explanation: "Brazilian" should be pluralized to "Brazilians." "While" is less formal than "whereas," which is more appropriate in academic writing. The number should use a decimal point instead of a comma.
"Moreover, Brazil’s irrigated land were much more enormous than Congo’s" -> "Furthermore, Brazil’s irrigated land was significantly larger than that of Congo"
Explanation: "Moreover" can be replaced with "furthermore" for variety, and "were" should be "was" to match the singular subject. "Much more enormous" is redundant; "significantly larger" is more precise.
"occupied up to 26,500 km square approximately while Congo’s area at 100 km square" -> "occupied approximately 26,500 square kilometers, while Congo’s area was 100 square kilometers"
Explanation: "Occupied up to" is awkward; "occupied approximately" is clearer. The correct term is "square kilometers," and "was" is needed for grammatical completeness.
"Due to being much larger than Congo, the Brazil people tended to use more water too" -> "Due to its larger size compared to Congo, the Brazilian population tended to use more water as well"
Explanation: "The Brazil people" is incorrect; "the Brazilian population" is the appropriate term. "Tended to use more water too" is better expressed as "tended to use more water as well" for formality.
"with each person using 359 cubic meters with the Congonian only 8 cubic meters per individual" -> "with each Brazilian using 359 cubic meters, compared to only 8 cubic meters per Congolese individual"
Explanation: "Congonian" is not a standard term; "Congolese" is the correct demonym. The phrase is restructured for clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main features of the data. The essay recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay presents some key features, but inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main features of the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data, rather than focusing on details. The essay should also be more concise and to the point. The essay should avoid using informal language and grammatical errors.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the main features of the data, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that detract from the overall coherence. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on creating clearer connections between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively and avoiding repetitive phrases would also help. Additionally, organizing the information in a more logical sequence and ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated would enhance the overall flow of the essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can further strengthen the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the graph and table, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, such as "water consumption," "agricultural use," and "Brazil." There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "informations," "Congo’s area at 100 km square," and "Congonian," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of phrases like "took the highest place" and "was increasingly used" lacks precision and sophistication, further indicating a limited lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Additionally, improving spelling and grammatical accuracy will help in conveying the message more clearly. Incorporating synonyms and varied expressions can also reduce repetition and demonstrate a more sophisticated command of the language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts are often inaccurate. There are several grammatical errors, such as "informations" (which should be "information"), and issues with punctuation, particularly in the sentence "starting at approximately 500 cubic km, it had a significant rise in the later half of the 20th century,stopping at 300 cubic km," where a space is missing after the comma. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the text. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the frequent grammatical mistakes and limited range of structures prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct errors in grammar and punctuation, as well as to ensure clarity in expression.
Use of Vocabulary: Enhance vocabulary to express comparisons and contrasts more effectively, which can also help in constructing more varied sentence forms.
Practice: Regular practice with writing tasks and grammar exercises can help build confidence and accuracy in using complex structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph and table provide information about global water consumption and water use in two specific countries. Overall, agricultural water use ranked the highest and has been increasing worldwide each year. In contrast, Brazil, with its larger irrigated area, consumed more water than Congo.

It can be observed from the line graph that the primary use of water was for agriculture, starting at approximately 500 cubic kilometers. This figure experienced a significant rise in the latter half of the 20th century, reaching about 3,000 cubic kilometers. Meanwhile, water consumption in industries and for domestic purposes was considerably lower; however, these categories also showed improvement, with figures gradually increasing during the latter half of the 20th century, marking at 1,000 cubic kilometers for industrial use and nearly 300 cubic kilometers for domestic use.

From the table, it is evident that Brazil outperformed Congo in every category. Brazil had a population of 176 million, while Congo had only about 5.2 million people. Moreover, Brazil’s irrigated land was significantly larger than that of Congo, occupying approximately 26,500 square kilometers compared to Congo’s 100 square kilometers. Due to its larger size, the Brazilian population tended to use more water, with each person consuming 359 cubic meters, whereas individuals in Congo used only 8 cubic meters each.