The graph and the chart below show the number of students choosing different kinds of courses in a particular university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given diagram depicts how many students choosing 6 kinds of subjects to pursue in a particular university in 2012.
What stands out from the chart is that Social Sciences was one of the most considered fields taking place numerous people to attend. Futhermore, females were inclined to register in Social Sciences, Health and Humanities rathar than males. However, the disparity pattern can be observe in the remaining courses with men outnumbered women counterparts, execpt for Argriculture, which recorded an equal ratio between two genders.
Regarding the total participants, exactly 7000 students pursued Social Sciences, which more double higher than Engineering ( 3000) was the top chosen fields. Nevertheless, Health, Humanities, Science and Maths witnessed a same pattern of enrollment ranging from 2000 to 2200. Meanwhile, Agriculture registered the minor number of undergraduates was just around 500.
Concerning the ratio between males and females, women with 4000 students majoring in Social Sciences, surpased men by approximately 1000. This was closely followed by Health and Humanities, which stood roughly at 1600, while the figured for men was considerably under 1000. In contrast, Engineering, science and mathemastics hold the amount of men taking part in those subjects was around 2200 and 1200, respectively, exceeded the remaining counterparts, which varied slightly from 800 to 1000. Agriculture, nevertheless, with 200 enrollments from both genders, had equal number of ungraduates pursuing.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"choosing 6 kinds of subjects" -> "selecting six disciplines"
Explanation: "Selecting six disciplines" is more precise and formal, replacing the informal "choosing 6 kinds of subjects." "Disciplines" is a more academic term than "kinds of subjects."
"was one of the most considered fields taking place numerous people to attend" -> "was one of the most popular fields attracting a large number of students"
Explanation: "Attracting a large number of students" is more precise and formal than "taking place numerous people to attend," which is awkward and incorrect in this context.
"females were inclined to register in Social Sciences, Health and Humanities rathar than males" -> "females were more likely to enroll in Social Sciences, Health, and Humanities than males"
Explanation: "More likely to enroll" is a more accurate and formal expression than "inclined to register," and correcting "rathar" to "rather" fixes a typographical error.
"the disparity pattern can be observe" -> "the disparity pattern can be observed"
Explanation: "Observed" is the correct form of the verb in this context, correcting the grammatical error.
"men outnumbered women counterparts" -> "men outnumbered their female counterparts"
Explanation: Adding "their" clarifies the possessive relationship between "women" and "counterparts," enhancing clarity and formality.
"more double higher" -> "more than double"
Explanation: "More than double" is the correct idiomatic expression, replacing the incorrect "more double higher."
"was the top chosen fields" -> "was the most popular field"
Explanation: "The most popular field" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the top chosen fields," which is awkward and incorrect.
"witnessed a same pattern of enrollment" -> "displayed a similar pattern of enrollment"
Explanation: "Displayed a similar pattern" is more precise and academically appropriate than "witnessed a same pattern," which is awkward and incorrect.
"the minor number of undergraduates was just around 500" -> "the smallest number of undergraduates was approximately 500"
Explanation: "The smallest number" is a more formal and precise way to describe the smallest quantity, and "approximately" is more appropriate than "just around."
"surpased" -> "surpassed"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, replacing "surpased" with the correct spelling "surpassed."
"mathemastics" -> "mathematics"
Explanation: "Mathematics" is the correct term, replacing the misspelling "mathemastics."
"hold the amount of men taking part in those subjects" -> "had a higher number of male students"
Explanation: "Had a higher number of male students" is clearer and more formal than "hold the amount of men taking part in those subjects," which is awkward and unclear.
"varied slightly from 800 to 1000" -> "ranged from 800 to 1000"
Explanation: "Ranged from" is a more natural and precise way to describe the variation in numbers, replacing the less formal "varied slightly."
"equal number of ungraduates pursuing" -> "equal number of undergraduates pursuing"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error "ungraduates" to "undergraduates," which is the correct term.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the data. It presents information appropriately selected, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Social Sciences was one of the most considered fields taking place numerous people to attend," which is not a clear or accurate statement. The essay also states that "Engineering ( 3000) was the top chosen fields," which is incorrect as Social Sciences had the highest number of students.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the data and providing more accurate information. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that "Social Sciences was the most popular subject, with 7000 students enrolled," rather than "exactly 7000 students pursued Social Sciences, which more double higher than Engineering ( 3000) was the top chosen fields." The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding informal language such as "rathar" and "execpt."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the enrollment figures of different courses, the connections between ideas are often unclear, and the use of cohesive devices is inconsistent. There are several instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that hinder clarity. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, leading to a confusing structure.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clear topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph addresses a single main idea. The use of cohesive devices should be varied and applied correctly to connect sentences and ideas more fluidly. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help in presenting the information more effectively. Finally, organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the data will improve overall readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common vocabulary, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling that may cause difficulty for the reader. Phrases such as "numerous people to attend" and "the minor number of undergraduates was just around 500" reflect awkward constructions and inaccuracies. Additionally, the use of terms like "surpased" and "execpt" indicates a lack of control over spelling. Overall, while the essay conveys the main features of the data, the lexical resource is insufficient to achieve a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise word choices. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items can help convey meanings more effectively. Additionally, attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy is crucial; proofreading the essay for errors before submission can prevent minor mistakes from affecting the overall clarity. Engaging with a variety of academic texts can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary and understanding of collocations.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, word choice, and sentence structure. These errors sometimes hinder clarity and coherence, making it difficult for the reader to fully grasp the intended meaning. While some sentences are clear, the overall accuracy and range of grammatical structures do not meet the expectations for a higher band score.
How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences accurately. Additionally, careful proofreading to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation, would enhance clarity. Practicing writing with a focus on accuracy and coherence, as well as seeking feedback from knowledgeable sources, can also contribute to better grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram depicts how many students chose 6 kinds of subjects to pursue in a particular university in 2012.

What stands out from the chart is that Social Sciences was one of the most popular fields, attracting numerous students. Furthermore, females were inclined to register in Social Sciences, Health, and Humanities rather than males. However, a disparity pattern can be observed in the remaining courses, with men outnumbering their female counterparts, except for Agriculture, which recorded an equal ratio between the two genders.

Regarding the total participants, exactly 7,000 students pursued Social Sciences, which was more than double the number of students in Engineering (3,000), the second most chosen field. Nevertheless, Health, Humanities, Science, and Maths witnessed a similar pattern of enrollment, ranging from 2,000 to 2,200. Meanwhile, Agriculture registered the smallest number of undergraduates, with just around 500.

Concerning the ratio between males and females, women, with 4,000 students majoring in Social Sciences, surpassed men by approximately 1,000. This was closely followed by Health and Humanities, which stood at roughly 1,600 for females, while the figure for males was considerably under 1,000. In contrast, Engineering, Science, and Mathematics had a higher number of male participants, with around 2,200 and 1,200, respectively, exceeding the remaining counterparts, which varied slightly from 800 to 1,000. Agriculture, nevertheless, had 200 enrollments from both genders, resulting in an equal number of undergraduates pursuing this subject.