The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates how many computers per household possessed in a particular nation in Europe from 1997 to 2011.
Overall, the category of no computers witnessed a downward trend whereas the possession per household of one and two increased within the examined period. Additionally, while the three or more computer possessions per household took the leading position, the opposite was true for the one computer only.
Regarding the three or more computers, the figures of possession per household experienced a period of stability during the surveyed period, at around 45 percent. Meanwhile, an opposite trend can be seen in the rate of possession of two computers, which started at only 8 percent, before levering off significantly prior to reaching a peak at around 28 percent at the end of the period.
Turning to the category of no computer per household, around 48 percent was the proportion of that in 1997, with a subsequent dramatic decrease to around 31 percent in 2005. Despite a constant improvement in the next year to 33 percent, the proportion of no computers declined considerably to around 19 percent in 2011. The figure for one computer only per household was initially at 1 percent, after which it remained relatively stable until 1999. Thereafter, the rate of only one computer rose noticeably to around 4 percent in 2007, but later it improved remarkably to 10 percent at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"how many computers per household possessed" -> "the number of computers per household owned"
Explanation: Using "possessed" in this context is less common and more formal. "Owned" is a simpler and more direct term.
"the category of no computers" -> "households without computers"
Explanation: "Category of no computers" is awkward. "Households without computers" is a more natural way to convey this idea.
"witnessed a downward trend" -> "experienced a decline"
Explanation: "Witnessed a downward trend" is a bit formal. "Experienced a decline" is a more concise and direct alternative.
"the possession per household of one and two increased" -> "the number of households with one or two computers increased"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. This revision clarifies the meaning by specifying the number of households.
"while the three or more computer possessions per household took the leading position" -> "households with three or more computers were the most common"
Explanation: "Took the leading position" is unnecessarily wordy. The revision is clearer and more concise.
"the opposite was true for the one computer only" -> "in contrast, households with only one computer were less common"
Explanation: "The opposite was true" is vague. The revision provides a clearer contrast between households with one computer and those with more.
"figures of possession per household" -> "rates of computer ownership per household"
Explanation: "Figures of possession per household" is awkward. "Rates of computer ownership per household" is clearer and more standard.
"experienced a period of stability" -> "remained stable"
Explanation: "Experienced a period of stability" is unnecessarily wordy. "Remained stable" conveys the same meaning more succinctly.
"levering off significantly" -> "increasing significantly"
Explanation: "Levering off" is unclear. "Increasing significantly" clearly conveys the idea of a significant rise.
"at around 45 percent" -> "approximately 45 percent"
Explanation: "At around" can be replaced with "approximately" for a more formal tone.
"started at only 8 percent" -> "began at just 8 percent"
Explanation: "Started at only" can be replaced with "began at just" for a more concise expression.
"prior to reaching a peak" -> "before peaking"
Explanation: "Prior to reaching a peak" is wordy. "Before peaking" is a more concise alternative.
"Regarding the three or more computers" -> "As for households with three or more computers"
Explanation: "Regarding" is less formal. "As for households with three or more computers" is more formal and clearer.
"Turning to the category of no computer per household" -> "Considering households without computers"
Explanation: "Turning to" is less formal. "Considering households without computers" is more formal and clearer.
"around 48 percent was the proportion of that in 1997" -> "the proportion was around 48 percent in 1997"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. This revision provides a clearer and more direct expression of the proportion in 1997.
"subsequent dramatic decrease" -> "significant decrease thereafter"
Explanation: "Subsequent dramatic decrease" is awkward. "Significant decrease thereafter" is a more concise alternative.
"Despite a constant improvement" -> "However, there was a consistent increase"
Explanation: "Despite a constant improvement" is unclear. "However, there was a consistent increase" provides a clearer contrast.
"after which it remained relatively stable until 1999" -> "and remained relatively stable until 1999"
Explanation: Adding "and" clarifies the sequence of events.
"but later it improved remarkably" -> "but then saw a remarkable increase"
Explanation: "But later it improved remarkably" is unclear. "But then saw a remarkable increase" provides a clearer expression of the increase.
"at the end of the period" -> "by the end of the period"
Explanation: "At the end of the period" is slightly ambiguous. "By the end of the period" specifies the point at which the change occurred.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons between different categories of computer possession. It presents a clear overview of the main trends over the examined period from 1997 to 2011. Key features such as the changes in possession per household for different categories of computers are appropriately highlighted.
How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more specific data points or percentages to support the descriptions of trends, particularly in the later years of the period. Additionally, ensure clarity in the language used to describe the trends to avoid any ambiguity or confusion.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization with a coherent progression of ideas throughout. Each paragraph presents a distinct aspect of the data, providing a clear central topic within each. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas, contributing to overall coherence. The sequencing of information is logical, with comparisons drawn where relevant.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistently appropriate and varied. Pay attention to sentence-level cohesion to prevent any instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion. Additionally, consider refining the paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph contains a cohesive set of ideas and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay effectively utilizes a sufficient range of vocabulary, demonstrating some flexibility and precision in word choice. There is a clear attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "levering off" and "dramatic decrease," showcasing some awareness of style and collocation. While occasional errors in word choice and spelling occur ("levering off" might be more commonly expressed as "leveling off"), they do not significantly detract from the overall communication. The essay maintains coherence and clarity throughout.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, consider incorporating more varied and nuanced vocabulary where possible. Additionally, pay close attention to word choice and collocation to ensure precision and accuracy. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation can elevate the overall quality of the lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex sentence structures, which aligns with a band 7 on the IELTS Grammatical Range and Accuracy scale. The writer frequently produces error-free sentences, showing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are occasional errors that slightly hinder clarity but do not significantly impede understanding. For instance, the use of "levering off significantly prior to reaching a peak" could be clearer, and phrases like "the opposite was true for the one computer only" could be more precisely expressed. These occasional lapses prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to Improve:
To advance towards a band 8 or higher, focus on enhancing the precision and variety in grammatical structures used, ensuring that complex sentences are consistently accurate. Practice refining the clarity of expressions and aim for naturalness in language use that aligns with native speaker norms. Review and revise sentences that may seem awkward or unclear to ensure they convey the intended message directly and effectively. Additionally, more careful proofreading to catch and correct subtle errors will help in achieving greater accuracy, moving the writing closer to the criteria of the higher bands.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph presents data on computer ownership per household in a specific European country from 1997 to 2011.

Overall, there was a decrease in households without computers, while those with one or two computers increased over the period. Conversely, households with three or more computers remained relatively stable, with the highest possession rate.

In terms of households with three or more computers, there was a consistent possession rate of approximately 45% throughout the period. Conversely, households with two computers saw a significant rise from 8% in 1997 to around 28% by 2011.

Looking at households with no computers, the proportion declined from around 48% in 1997 to approximately 19% in 2011. Notably, there was a sharp decrease from 48% to 31% between 1997 and 2005, followed by a slight increase to 33% in 2006, and then a notable drop to 19% by 2011.

Regarding households with only one computer, initially at 1%, there was a stable period until 1999. Subsequently, there was a noticeable increase to around 4% by 2007, and a remarkable rise to 10% by the end of the period.