The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates how many computers were owed by household in a nation in Europe from 1997 to 2011.
Overall, there was an increase in the number of computer possession, while the proportion of household that had no computes decrease throughout the period. The figure for three or more computers had the highest number, it overtook the share of no computes in 1999 onwards.
The number of household that had only one computer started slightly rosing to just about 1% after 1999, and the figure saw a slow increase and ending the period at around 7%. Similar changes, but to greater extent, was seen in the figure for three or more computers, which stood at nearly 45% in 1997, kept slowly rising and ended at approximately 45% in the final year.
About 6% of the household owned two computers, with dramatic increasing and final reaching a peak of around 29% in 2011. By constrast, the figures for no computes had by far the highest number at nearly 50% in 1997, yet, it then declined and was surpassed by the percentage of three or more computers. It kept significant decrease and hit a low of 20% in the last year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"owed by household" -> "owned by households"
Explanation: The correct term is "owned" instead of "owed," which is a financial term that does not fit the context here. Additionally, "household" should be pluralized to "households" to agree with the plural verb "were."
"the proportion of household that had no computes" -> "the proportion of households without computers"
Explanation: "Computes" is a typo and should be "computers." Also, "household" should be pluralized to "households" to match the plural context. The phrase "without computers" is more formal and precise than "that had no computes."
"it overtook the share of no computes" -> "it surpassed the proportion of households without computers"
Explanation: "Overtake" is correct, but "the share of no computes" is awkward and incorrect. "Surpassed the proportion of households without computers" is clearer and more formal.
"started slightly rosing" -> "began to rise slightly"
Explanation: "Rosing" is a typo and should be "rise." The phrase "began to rise slightly" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"ending the period at around 7%" -> "ending the period at approximately 7%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "around" in academic writing.
"Similar changes, but to greater extent, was seen in the figure for three or more computers" -> "Similar trends, but to a greater extent, were observed in the figure for three or more computers"
Explanation: "Trends" is more specific and academic than "changes," and "were observed" is grammatically correct compared to "was seen."
"dramatic increasing" -> "dramatic increase"
Explanation: "Dramatic increasing" is grammatically incorrect. "Dramatic increase" is the correct form.
"final reaching a peak of around 29%" -> "ultimately reaching a peak of approximately 29%"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more formal than "final," and "approximately" is preferred over "around" in academic writing for numerical values.
"By constrast" -> "By contrast"
Explanation: "By contrast" should not be hyphenated in formal writing.
"no computes" -> "no computers"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "computes" to "computers."
"it then declined and was surpassed by the percentage of three or more computers" -> "it then declined and was surpassed by the proportion of households with three or more computers"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise than "percentage" in this context, and "households with three or more computers" is more specific than "the percentage of three or more computers."
"It kept significant decrease" -> "It continued to decrease significantly"
Explanation: "Continued to decrease significantly" is grammatically correct and more formal than "kept significant decrease."
"hit a low of 20%" -> "reached a low of 20%"
Explanation: "Reached" is more appropriate than "hit" in formal academic writing, especially when discussing quantitative data.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in computer ownership in a European country between 1997 and 2011. It identifies the key features of the data, such as the increase in computer ownership and the decrease in the proportion of households with no computers. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the figure for three or more computers "overtook the share of no computes in 1999 onwards," but the graph shows that this occurred in 2000. Additionally, the essay states that the figure for two computers "had by far the highest number at nearly 50% in 1997," but the graph shows that the figure for no computers was the highest at that time.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that the figure for three or more computers overtook the figure for no computers in 2000, and that the figure for no computers was the highest in 1997. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific information about the changes in computer ownership over time. For example, the essay could state that the figure for one computer increased from around 1% in 1997 to around 7% in 2011, and that the figure for two computers increased from around 6% in 1997 to around 29% in 2011.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the main features of the graph are identified, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some inaccuracies and repetition present. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly and avoiding repetition will improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, structuring the paragraphs more effectively by ensuring each one presents a clear central topic will help clarify the relationships between the different points made.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the graph, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation (e.g., "owed" instead of "owned," "computes" instead of "computers," "roising" instead of "rising"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. The vocabulary used is mostly basic and repetitive, lacking the variety and precision expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to data description and comparison. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors is essential. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring proper collocation will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several attempts at complex sentences that often lack accuracy. While some sentences are clear, frequent grammatical errors, such as "owed" instead of "owned," "computes" instead of "computers," and incorrect verb forms, hinder overall communication. The punctuation is also inconsistent, which can cause confusion for the reader.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors and improving punctuation will help convey ideas more clearly. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also contribute to improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates how many computers were owned by households in a European nation from 1997 to 2011. Overall, there was an increase in computer possession, while the proportion of households that had no computers decreased throughout the period. The figure for households with three or more computers had the highest number, overtaking the share of households with no computers from 1999 onwards.

The number of households that had only one computer started to rise slightly to just about 1% after 1999, and this figure saw a slow increase, ending the period at around 7%. Similar changes, but to a greater extent, were seen in the figure for three or more computers, which stood at nearly 45% in 1997, continued to rise slowly, and ended at approximately 45% in the final year.

About 6% of households owned two computers, with a dramatic increase, ultimately reaching a peak of around 29% in 2011. In contrast, the figures for households with no computers had the highest number at nearly 50% in 1997; however, this percentage then declined and was surpassed by the percentage of households with three or more computers. It experienced a significant decrease, hitting a low of 20% in the last year.