The graph below gives information about the technology that households in one US city used for watching television between 2004 and 2014.( viết lại bài homework dạng line) Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph below gives information about the technology that households in one US city used for watching television between 2004 and 2014.( viết lại bài homework dạng line)
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given line delineates many different kinds of technologies that one house in a British city used for watching TV over a period of 10 years, starting in 2004.
Overall, while the demand for internet and satellite was on the rise, an opposite pattern happened with broadcast and cable users. Also noteworthy is that the Internet surpassed broadcast to become the most preferred technology for the latter half of the timescale.
Looking first at technologies with declined use, broadcast started off as the most notable technology, with nearly 100,000 households using it/subscribing to this technology. Thereafter, its data decreased significantly before ending the timescale at around 15,000 households, which was the most conspicuous reduction recorded in the survey. Undergoing a similar decreasing pattern, albeit at a much lower rate. Cable began in second rank with nearly 90,000 users before increasing to 120,000 registers in 2008, but later decreased significantly to 60,000 households in 2014.
The trajectories can be in seen in other technologies following a contrasting pattern compared to the figure seen in aforementioned technologies. Internet witnessed a surge in a number of registers. Specifically, this figure rose from nearly 10,000 households in 2004 to around nearly 200,000 households in 2024, leading others in popularity. There was also a marked increase from 70,000 to 120,000 households in a satellite in 2014 in the US.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"the given line delineates" -> "the provided line graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Provided" is a more formal term than "given," and "illustrates" is more precise than "delineates," which can imply a more detailed description than is necessary in this context. -
"many different kinds of technologies" -> "various technologies"
Explanation: "Various" is more concise and formal than "many different kinds of," which can be seen as vague and overly simplistic. -
"an opposite pattern happened" -> "a contrasting pattern emerged"
Explanation: "Contrasting" is a more formal and precise term than "opposite," and "emerged" conveys the idea of development over time more effectively than "happened." -
"the most preferred technology for the latter half of the timescale" -> "the most favored technology during the latter half of the period"
Explanation: "Favored" is a more formal synonym for "preferred," and "during the latter half of the period" is clearer and more academically appropriate than "latter half of the timescale." -
"technologies with declined use" -> "technologies that experienced a decline in usage"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the phrase and uses more formal language, enhancing the academic tone. -
"most notable technology" -> "most prominent technology"
Explanation: "Prominent" is a more precise and formal term than "notable," which can be subjective. -
"its data decreased significantly" -> "its usage decreased significantly"
Explanation: "Usage" is more specific and relevant than "data," which can refer to various types of information. -
"the most conspicuous reduction recorded in the survey" -> "the most significant reduction recorded in the survey"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal term than "conspicuous," which is often used in a more casual context. -
"albeit at a much lower rate" -> "although at a considerably lower rate"
Explanation: "Although" is a more formal conjunction than "albeit," and "considerably" is a more precise adverb than "much." -
"in second rank" -> "in second place"
Explanation: "In second place" is a more commonly accepted phrase in academic writing than "in second rank." -
"but later decreased significantly" -> "but subsequently decreased significantly"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transition word than "later," enhancing the academic tone. -
"the trajectories can be in seen in other technologies following a contrasting pattern" -> "the trajectories of other technologies exhibit a contrasting pattern"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language. -
"witnessed a surge in a number of registers" -> "experienced a surge in registrations"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal verb than "witnessed," and "registrations" is more precise than "a number of registers." -
"around nearly 200,000 households in 2024" -> "approximately 200,000 households in 2014"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "around nearly," which is redundant. -
"leading others in popularity" -> "becoming the most popular option"
Explanation: This revision provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea. -
"marked increase from 70,000 to 120,000 households in a satellite in 2014 in the US" -> "notable increase from 70,000 to 120,000 households using satellite technology in 2014 in the US"
Explanation: "Notable" is a more formal term than "marked," and specifying "using satellite technology" clarifies the context.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Internet witnessed a surge in a number of registers. Specifically, this figure rose from nearly 10,000 households in 2004 to around nearly 200,000 households in 2024, leading others in popularity." This statement is inaccurate, as the graph shows that the number of households using the internet rose to around 150,000 in 2014, not 200,000.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by avoiding irrelevant details. For example, the essay could focus on the main trends in the data, such as the decline in the use of broadcast and cable television and the rise in the use of internet and satellite television. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes in the number of households using each technology.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, presenting a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overview summarizes the main trends. However, there are issues with the use of cohesive devices; some sentences feel mechanical, and there are instances of unclear referencing (e.g., "the latter half of the timescale" could be more explicitly defined). Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, particularly in the transitions between the discussion of different technologies.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Clearer referencing would help guide thereader through the essay. Improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear central topic would also strengthen the overall structure. Finally, avoiding redundancy and ensuring that all information is relevant and contributes to the main argument will help achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using some less common lexical items, such as "delineates," "notable," and "surge." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the most preferred technology for the latter half of the timescale," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "registers" instead of "subscribers" and "in 2024" instead of "in 2014," which may cause some confusion for the reader. Overall, while the essay communicates the main features of the graph, the vocabulary usage does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms. Additionally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can help convey ideas more fluently and naturally. Reducing errors in spelling and word formation will also contribute to a clearer communication of ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent, with several errors present. For instance, phrases like "the most notable technology" and "the trajectories can be in seen" contain grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the clarity of the communication. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that occasionally hinder understanding, such as the awkward phrasing in "an opposite pattern happened with broadcast and cable users."
How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for errors and refining sentence structures. Incorporating a wider variety of complex sentences while ensuring they are error-free would also be beneficial. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation and ensuring that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning will help in achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The given line graph illustrates the various technologies that households in a US city used for watching television over a 10-year period, from 2004 to 2014.
Overall, while the demand for internet and satellite technologies increased, the opposite trend was observed for broadcast and cable users. Notably, the internet surpassed broadcast to become the most preferred technology in the latter half of the timescale.
Focusing first on the technologies that experienced a decline in usage, broadcast started as the most prominent technology, with nearly 100,000 households using it. Subsequently, its figures decreased significantly, ending the period at around 15,000 households, marking the most substantial reduction recorded in the survey. Following a similar declining pattern, albeit at a much lower rate, cable began in second place with nearly 90,000 users before rising to 120,000 subscribers in 2008, but later dropped significantly to 60,000 households by 2014.
In contrast, the trajectories of other technologies displayed a markedly different pattern. The internet experienced a dramatic increase in the number of users, rising from nearly 10,000 households in 2004 to approximately 200,000 households in 2014, making it the most popular option. Additionally, satellite technology saw a notable rise from 70,000 to 120,000 households during the same period.
Phản hồi