The graph below shows changes in global food and oil prices between 2000 and 2011.

The live graph illustrates the average yearly amount of money spent on food and oil over a period of 11 years starting from 2001. Overall, it is clear that the figure spending on both two different categories witnessed an upward trend from 2000 to 2011.

Starting point at around 90 in 2000, the figures for both increased slightly in the next 4 years.
The data of World Food increased rapidly between 110 in 2005 and 220 in 2008. Concequense, there was a rapid decrease in the price of food by 140 which then recovered and peaked at 240 in 2011.

Moving to the average price of oil, they rose very similarly to that of food. The figure of oil increased significantly and hit a high of 130 in 2008. After That, oil prices witnessed a dramatic decline which then ended up at 100.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"witnessed an upward trend from 2000 to 2011" -> "experienced an upward trend from 2000 to 2011"
Explanation: "witnessed" is a commonly used word but using "experienced" adds variety to the vocabulary and sounds more sophisticated.
"Starting point at around 90 in 2000" -> "Commencing around 90 in 2000"
Explanation: "Starting point" is a bit colloquial. "Commencing" is a more formal alternative.
"The data of World Food increased rapidly between 110 in 2005 and 220 in 2008" -> "The World Food data experienced a rapid increase from 110 in 2005 to 220 in 2008"
Explanation: "The data of World Food" is a bit awkward. Restructuring the sentence provides a clearer and more grammatically correct expression.
"Concequense" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: "Consequently" is a more precise and formal alternative for indicating a cause-and-effect relationship.
"there was a rapid decrease in the price of food by 140" -> "there was a sharp decrease in the price of food to 140"
Explanation: "by 140" is unclear in this context. Replacing it with "to 140" clarifies that the price decreased to 140.
"Moving to the average price of oil, they rose very similarly to that of food" -> "Turning to the average price of oil, it followed a similar trajectory to that of food"
Explanation: Using "rose" for inanimate objects like prices is anthropomorphism. Using "trajectory" instead of "similarly" provides a more precise comparison.
"hit a high of 130 in 2008" -> "peaked at 130 in 2008"
Explanation: "hit a high" is colloquial. "Peaked" is a more formal and precise term for describing the highest point reached.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes in global food and oil prices between 2000 and 2011. It covers key features such as the initial increase, peak points, and subsequent declines in both food and oil prices. However, there are some inaccuracies and areas where details could be more relevant. For instance, the essay mistakenly states the starting point as 2001 instead of 2000, and there are minor grammatical errors throughout the text.

How to improve: To improve, ensure accurate presentation of data and pay attention to grammatical accuracy. Additionally, provide more specific details and avoid irrelevant information to enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization, with an attempt to introduce the topic and provide a general overview of the data. However, there are issues with overall coherence and progression. While the essay attempts to describe changes in food and oil prices, the progression is not entirely clear, and the presentation lacks a cohesive flow. There is some repetition, and the transition between discussing food and oil prices is abrupt.

Cohesion is lacking, as there are instances of faulty or inadequate use of cohesive devices. For example, there are errors in referencing, such as "the figure spending on both two different categories," which affects clarity. Additionally, the essay lacks clear paragraphing, contributing to difficulties in following the progression of ideas.

How to improve:

Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data.
Use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and improve coherence. This includes accurate referencing and avoiding repetitive phrases.
Implement appropriate paragraphing to organize the essay into cohesive sections, each addressing a particular aspect of the data.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including terms related to describing trends and figures. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "consequence" and "witnessed a dramatic decline," although with some inaccuracy in word choice and collocation. Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay, such as "Concequense" instead of "Consequently," and "the figure spending" instead of "expenditure figures." However, these errors do not severely impede communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater accuracy and precision. Pay attention to word choice and ensure correct spelling and word formation. Consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate, and proofread the essay carefully to eliminate errors. Additionally, aim for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, indicating an attempt at varied sentence structures. There are instances of complex structures, such as "Starting point at around 90 in 2000, the figures for both increased slightly in the next 4 years," which showcase an effort to use diverse sentence patterns. However, there are grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay that occasionally affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "Concequense" should be spelled as "Consequently," and "After That" should be "After that." Additionally, there are some awkward phrasings and incomplete sentences that slightly hinder communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Pay attention to sentence coherence and clarity, avoiding fragmented sentences and ensuring proper transitions between ideas. Proofreading the essay thoroughly to correct errors and enhance overall coherence would also be beneficial. Additionally, expanding the range of sentence structures used, particularly incorporating more complex constructions, would elevate the essay’s sophistication and demonstrate higher proficiency in grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph depicts changes in global food and oil prices from 2000 to 2011.

Initially, both food and oil expenditures stood at approximately 90 in 2000. Over the subsequent four years, there was a slight increase in spending on both commodities.

Between 2005 and 2008, there was a notable surge in the cost of World Food, soaring from 110 to 220. Subsequently, there was a sharp decline, with prices plummeting by 140, before rebounding and reaching a peak of 240 in 2011.

Similarly, the average price of oil experienced a parallel trajectory. Prices surged significantly, peaking at 130 in 2008, followed by a dramatic downturn, settling at 100 thereafter.

Overall, both food and oil prices demonstrated an upward trend during the period under consideration.