The graph below shows changes in global food and oil prices between 2000 and 2011.

The line graph gives information about the world food and oil prices from 2000 to 2011.

Overall, both the average prices of food and oil witnessed a significant increase throughout the 11-year period. Furthermore, the development process of the two products was so the similar that a proportion of correlation about 93.6% was suggested.

In 2000, the average food price index was around 90 points. Two years later, the figure for the global food price droped slightly before increased dramatically and reached a peak of 220 points in the last few month of 2008. The similar trend can be seen in the average oil prices, the product in 2000 was sold with about 30$ per barrel before reach a peak of 1304 per barrel in the last few month of 2008.
In 2009, the food price index droped to only 140 points before reached a peak of 240 points in 2011. Similarly, the average oil price also declined from 130$ to approximately 40$ in the same year, however, the figure quickly clibed back to 100$ per barrel in 2011.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"was so the similar that" -> "was so similar that"
Explanation: The phrase "so the similar that" is grammatically incorrect. Instead, "so similar that" is the appropriate phrase to convey the intended meaning of a high degree of similarity.
"a proportion of correlation about 93.6% was suggested" -> "a correlation of approximately 93.6% was indicated"
Explanation: "Proportion of correlation" is awkward phrasing. Using "correlation" alone is clearer. Additionally, "about" is imprecise; "approximately" is a more precise term.
"before increased dramatically" -> "before increasing dramatically"
Explanation: "Before increased dramatically" lacks proper verb tense agreement. Using "before increasing dramatically" corrects this error.
"last few month" -> "last few months"
Explanation: "Month" should be pluralized to match "few."
"the product in 2000 was sold with about 30$ per barrel" -> "the product was sold for approximately $30 per barrel in 2000"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "for" instead of "with" in the context of pricing.
"before reached a peak" -> "before reaching a peak"
Explanation: "Before reached" lacks proper verb tense agreement. Using "before reaching" corrects this error.
"droped" -> "dropped"
Explanation: "Droped" contains a typographical error. "Dropped" is the correct past tense form of the verb "drop."
"clibed" -> "climbed"
Explanation: "Clibed" contains a typographical error. "Climbed" is the correct spelling of the verb indicating upward movement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes in global food and oil prices between 2000 and 2011. It presents information on the average prices of food and oil, highlighting key trends such as the significant increase in prices over the 11-year period and the peaks reached in 2008. The essay also attempts to show a correlation between the two products, indicating a proportion of correlation about 93.6%. However, some details are inaccurate or unclear, such as the statement "the development process of the two products was so the similar that a proportion of correlation about 93.6% was suggested," which lacks clarity and precision. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder the clarity of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the essay, focus on clarity and accuracy in presenting information. Provide clearer explanations of the correlation between food and oil prices, avoiding vague statements. Ensure that all details are relevant and accurately represent the data presented in the graph. Additionally, pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability and coherence.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, but there are areas where improvement is needed. The overall progression of ideas is clear, with the essay beginning by introducing the topic and summarizing the main trends. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as unclear referencing and mechanical use of cohesive devices. Additionally, the paragraphing is somewhat logical but could be improved for better organization and clarity.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that referencing within the essay is clear and accurate. Use a consistent style and structure for paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a clear central topic. Pay attention to the logical progression of ideas, making sure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and explicit. Additionally, vary sentence structures and lengths to enhance readability and flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. There is a reasonable variety of words used to describe the changes in food and oil prices, such as "witnessed," "dramatically," "proportion," "peak," and "declined." However, there are instances of inaccuracies and repetitive vocabulary usage, such as "reach a peak" being used multiple times. Additionally, there are some minor errors in word choice and collocation, such as "climbed" being misspelled as "clibed."

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, strive for more diverse vocabulary usage and avoid repetition. Try to incorporate a wider range of less common vocabulary to enhance precision and sophistication. Pay close attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors and ensure clear communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, such as introductory phrases ("Overall," "In 2000,") and relative clauses ("that a proportion of correlation about 93.6% was suggested"). However, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement ("the development process of the two products was so the similar") and tense consistency ("the figure for the global food price droped," "the product in 2000 was sold with about 30$ per barrel"). Punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and incorrect usage of capitalization ("clibed"). Despite these errors, the meaning of the essay is generally clear, and communication is not significantly hindered by the grammatical mistakes.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on enhancing sentence structures with greater complexity while maintaining accuracy. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage and capitalization. Additionally, proofreading for errors before submission can help ensure clarity and accuracy in communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts fluctuations in global food and oil prices from 2000 to 2011.

In general, there was a notable upward trend in both food and oil prices over the 11-year period. Additionally, the progression of these two commodities exhibited a high degree of similarity, with a suggested correlation of approximately 93.6%.

In 2000, the average food price index stood at around 90 points. By 2002, there was a slight decline in global food prices before experiencing a significant surge, peaking at 220 points in late 2008. Similarly, the average oil prices started at approximately $30 per barrel in 2000, escalating to a peak of $1304 per barrel in late 2008.

Subsequently, in 2009, the food price index dropped to 140 points before rebounding to 240 points in 2011. Likewise, the average oil price decreased from $130 to approximately $40 per barrel in the same year. However, it swiftly rose back to $100 per barrel by 2011.