The graph below shows prediction about the number of people who will study three major world languages between 2020 and 2030.

The line graph predicts the number of individuals who will learn three more important global languages over a period 10 years from 2020.
Overall, what stand out from the graph that there will be a significant rise in the figure of scholars of three major languages over the period. In addition, the number of people studying English language is predicted to be at the top during the period.
According to current predictions, there will be around 550 million students following English language in 2020. Subsequently, the number of participants will have gone up markedly to 700 million in 2024, before slightly reducing to over 600 million in 2026. However, the figure of pupils learning English language is expected to increase moderately again, peaking at 750 million at the end of the year.
As regards to other language subjects, Spanish students is likely to start at 200 million in 2020, which was two times higher than that of Madarin students. Furthermore, the figure of people studing Spanish will have climbed negligibly to 300, before marginally growing to 500 million in 2030. However, Madarin pupils rises steadily, surpasing Spanish pupils in 2026 and will reach at nearly 600 million in 2030.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph predicts" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term than "predicts" in this context, as it accurately describes the presentation of data without implying a specific future event.
"individuals who will learn" -> "individuals who will study"
Explanation: "Study" is more specific and academically appropriate than "learn" in the context of formal education, aligning better with the academic tone of the essay.
"Over a period of 10 years from 2020" -> "Over a 10-year period from 2020"
Explanation: "Over a 10-year period" is a more concise and formal way to express the duration, improving the sentence structure and readability.
"what stand out from the graph" -> "what is evident from the graph"
Explanation: "What is evident from the graph" is a more formal and precise expression, replacing the colloquial "what stand out."
"the figure of scholars" -> "the number of students"
Explanation: "Number of students" is more specific and appropriate in this context, replacing the vague and less formal "figure of scholars."
"the number of people studying English language" -> "the number of students of English"
Explanation: "Students of English" is more precise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "people studying English language."
"will have gone up markedly" -> "will increase significantly"
Explanation: "Increase significantly" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "gone up markedly," which is somewhat colloquial.
"will have climbed negligibly" -> "will rise slightly"
Explanation: "Will rise slightly" is more formal and avoids the awkward and incorrect use of "climbed" in this context, which is typically used for physical ascent, not numerical changes.
"As regards to" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "Regarding" is the correct form for introducing a topic, whereas "As regards to" is grammatically incorrect.
"Spanish students is likely" -> "the number of Spanish students is likely"
Explanation: Adding "the number of" clarifies that the subject is referring to the quantity of students, not the students themselves.
"two times higher than that of Madarin students" -> "twice that of Mandarin students"
Explanation: "Twice that of" is a more concise and formal way to express the comparison, avoiding the awkward construction "two times higher than that of."
"pupils rises steadily" -> "pupil numbers rise steadily"
Explanation: "Pupil numbers" is a more precise and formal term than "pupils," and "rise" should be used as a verb to match the subject "numbers."
"will reach at nearly" -> "will reach nearly"
Explanation: "Will reach nearly" is grammatically correct, removing the unnecessary "at" which disrupts the flow of the sentence.

These changes enhance the academic tone of the essay by employing more precise and formally appropriate vocabulary, improving clarity and correctness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the trends in the number of students learning English, Spanish, and Mandarin. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically with no clear comparison. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the number of students learning each language. The essay should also focus on highlighting the key features of the graph, such as the fact that English is the most popular language studied, and that Mandarin is predicted to overtake Spanish in popularity by 2026. The essay should also make comparisons between the trends in the number of students learning each language. For example, the essay could state that the number of students learning English is predicted to increase steadily over the period, while the number of students learning Spanish is predicted to increase more slowly. The essay could also state that the number of students learning Mandarin is predicted to increase rapidly, overtaking Spanish in popularity by 2026.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to convey the trends in language study, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between the data presented. Additionally, the paragraphing is not consistently logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together to enhance coherence.
How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow of ideas by using more effective cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Improving the accuracy of language and grammar will also help in making the connections between ideas clearer. Additionally, ensuring that paragraphs are logically structured and that transitions between ideas are smooth will contribute to better coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "significant rise," "participants," and "negligibly," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the figure of scholars" and "the figure of people studying." There are also some errors in spelling ("studing" instead of "studying") and word formation ("Madarins" should be "Mandarin"). While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do affect the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct collocations and avoiding repetitive phrases. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will help improve the overall quality of the essay. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, but these do not significantly impede communication. The writer uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are noticeable inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "what stand out from the graph" and "the figure of pupils learning English language is expected to increase moderately again" contain grammatical errors and could be expressed more clearly.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Aim to use more complex sentence structures correctly, ensuring that clauses are properly connected and punctuated.
Grammar and Vocabulary: Review and correct common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., "the English language" instead of "English language").
Clarity and Precision: Work on phrasing to improve clarity, avoiding awkward constructions. For instance, instead of "what stand out from the graph," consider "what stands out from the graph is."
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch minor errors and improve overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph predicts the number of individuals who will learn three major global languages over a period of 10 years from 2020. Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there will be a significant rise in the number of scholars of these three major languages during this period. In addition, the number of people studying the English language is predicted to be the highest throughout the decade.

According to current predictions, there will be around 550 million students learning the English language in 2020. Subsequently, the number of participants is expected to increase markedly to 700 million in 2024, before slightly decreasing to over 600 million in 2026. However, the number of pupils learning the English language is anticipated to rise moderately again, peaking at 750 million by the end of the decade.

Regarding the other language subjects, Spanish students are likely to start at 200 million in 2020, which is two times higher than that of Mandarin students. Furthermore, the number of people studying Spanish will have climbed negligibly to 300 million, before marginally growing to 500 million in 2030. Conversely, Mandarin pupils will rise steadily, surpassing Spanish pupils in 2026 and reaching nearly 600 million by 2030.