fbpx

The graph below shows the average monthly expenses of different classes of families in the USA between 2000-2020

The graph below shows the average monthly expenses of different classes of families in the USA between 2000-2020

The line chart provides information about the average monthly expenditures of 3 different classes of families in the USA in 5 period from 2000 to 2020.
It’s obvious that income of all family groups started at different levels. Additionally, while the low and the high-income family classes both had consistently increased over the time, the middle-income group experienced a one-time drop.
During the first period, the high, the middle and the low-income families started at exactly $600, $400 and $200 of monthly expenses. After 10 years, the high-income family classes had its biggest increase in 2010 was $700 dollars and it remained unchanged for the next 5 years before slightly increasing again until 2020.
In terms of the middle-income family groups, it rose to $400 for the next decade. However, in 2015, it had slightly fluctuation about the first stage again before rising up to $500 in the last stage. Ultimately, the low-income families were one of all family groups with the highest increase of expenditures. Although, it stabilized at $200 for 5 years. After that, in 2015, it had its significantly increase and reached double of starting amount. In the last period, it continued to rise to $450.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The line chart provides information about" -> "The line chart illustrates"
    Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term than "provides information about," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

  2. "5 period from 2000 to 2020" -> "five periods from 2000 to 2020"
    Explanation: "Five periods" is grammatically correct and more formal than "5 period," which is incorrect in this context.

  3. "income of all family groups started at different levels" -> "the income levels of all family groups differed"
    Explanation: "Differed" is more precise and formal than "started at different levels," which is awkward and vague.

  4. "while the low and the high-income family classes both had consistently increased over the time" -> "while both the low- and high-income family classes consistently increased over time"
    Explanation: Removing "over the time" simplifies and corrects the phrase, making it more concise and grammatically correct.

  5. "the middle-income group experienced a one-time drop" -> "the middle-income group experienced a single decline"
    Explanation: "Single decline" is more specific and formal than "one-time drop," which is colloquial.

  6. "During the first period, the high, the middle and the low-income families started at exactly $600, $400 and $200 of monthly expenses." -> "Initially, the high-income families spent $600, the middle-income families $400, and the low-income families $200 per month."
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

  7. "it had its biggest increase in 2010 was $700 dollars" -> "it experienced its largest increase of $700 in 2010"
    Explanation: "Experienced its largest increase of" is more formal and corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase.

  8. "it remained unchanged for the next 5 years before slightly increasing again until 2020" -> "it remained stable for the subsequent five years before increasing slightly again by 2020"
    Explanation: "Remained stable" is more precise and formal than "remained unchanged," and "subsequent five years" is grammatically correct.

  9. "it had slightly fluctuation about the first stage again" -> "it experienced a slight fluctuation similar to the first period"
    Explanation: "Experienced a slight fluctuation similar to the first period" corrects the grammatical error and improves formality.

  10. "the low-income families were one of all family groups with the highest increase of expenditures" -> "the low-income families experienced the highest increase in expenditures among all family groups"
    Explanation: "Experienced the highest increase in expenditures among all family groups" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  11. "it stabilized at $200 for 5 years" -> "it remained at $200 for five years"
    Explanation: "Remained at" is more formal and precise than "stabilized," which is somewhat vague.

  12. "it had its significantly increase" -> "it experienced a significant increase"
    Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" corrects the grammatical error and is more formal.

  13. "it continued to rise to $450" -> "it continued to increase to $450"
    Explanation: "Increase" is more precise and appropriate in this context than "rise," which can be vague in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that the high-income family class had its biggest increase in 2010, but it does not provide any data to support this claim. The essay also states that the low-income families were one of all family groups with the highest increase of expenditures, but it does not provide any data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that the high-income family class had its biggest increase in 2010 because its monthly expenses increased from $600 to $700. The essay could also state that the low-income families were one of all family groups with the highest increase of expenditures because their monthly expenses increased from $200 to $450.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information with a basic structure and some progression. The introduction attempts to summarize the graph’s content, but it lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors ("income of all family groups started at different levels"). Paragraphing is attempted but lacks consistency and logical flow. There is an attempt to present information over time, but coherence is hampered by repetitive use of certain phrases and unclear progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used inadequately or inaccurately ("experienced a one-time drop", "had its biggest increase in 2010 was $700 dollars"). Overall, while there is an attempt to organize ideas and use some cohesive devices, the essay lacks clarity and coherence in progression and structure.

How to improve:

  1. Clarity and Structure: Ensure each paragraph focuses clearly on a central idea related to the data presented. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main point.

  2. Logical Progression: Organize the information in a more logical sequence, possibly chronological or by comparing trends among different income groups.

  3. Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices (such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transition words) more effectively to link sentences and paragraphs logically.

  4. Paragraphing: Ensure paragraphs are used consistently and logically, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect or time period as presented in the graph.

By addressing these areas, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly improved, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate to describe the trends in the graph. Basic vocabulary such as "average monthly expenditures," "income," "period," and "increase" is used, but with repetitive and simplistic language. Some errors in word choice and word formation are noticeable, which slightly hinder understanding (e.g., "fluctuation about the first stage," "significantly increase").

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

  1. Increase Vocabulary Range: Introduce more varied vocabulary relevant to describing trends and data, such as "expenditure," "fluctuation," "doubled," "stabilized," etc.
  2. Improve Precision: Use more precise words and phrases to convey meaning clearly and accurately.
  3. Avoid Repetition: Vary sentence structures and vocabulary to maintain reader interest and demonstrate linguistic flexibility.
  4. Correct Errors: Pay attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation to ensure clarity and accuracy in conveying information.

This improvement would elevate the essay’s Lexical Resource to better meet the criteria for a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures, primarily simple and occasionally compound sentences. There are attempts at complex structures but they are not consistently accurate, which limits the grammatical range. Errors in grammar and punctuation are frequent and sometimes affect the clarity of the message. For example, "it had slightly fluctuation about the first stage again before rising up to $500" contains errors in verb tense consistency and word choice.

How to improve:
To improve the band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

  1. Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses.
  2. Improve Accuracy: Pay attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and appropriate word choices.
  3. Enhance Punctuation: Work on using punctuation correctly to aid clarity and coherence of ideas.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating better control over grammar and sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report based on the provided original:


The line chart illustrates the average monthly expenditures of three different categories of families in the USA over the period from 2000 to 2020.

It is evident that each family class began with distinct initial expenses. While both high and low-income families experienced consistent growth over time, the middle-income group encountered a singular decline.

Initially, in 2000, high-income, middle-income, and low-income families started with monthly expenses of $600, $400, and $200 respectively. By 2010, high-income families saw their largest increase, reaching $700, which remained stable until 2015 before a slight rise to approximately $750 by 2020.

Meanwhile, middle-income families experienced a rise to $400 over the first decade. However, in 2010, there was a slight fluctuation back to around $350, followed by an increase to $500 by 2020.

Low-income families demonstrated the most significant growth in expenditures. After stabilizing at $200 for five years, there was a substantial increase in 2015, reaching double the initial amount, and further rising to $450 by 2020.


This version maintains the original data points and closely follows the structure while enhancing clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này