The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011

The line graph compares the figures of questions collected by the Tourist Information Office in one urban area from January to June 2011. Overall, the array of people questioned in person was highest, while enquires which were sent by letter or email were lowest during the period shown.
In the first month, the volume of individuals calling to enquire is about 900. Roughly 700 questions which received by the Tourist Information office through email or letter in the same month. The number of people enquired directly is the fewest, approximately 450. But after the next 3 months, this figure took over others as a primary communication.
The array of people coming to ask at the Tourist Information office climbed dramatically through the next several months and reached a peak of some 1900. The figures of individuals questioned by call dropped slightly in January only 800, and then increased continuously in other months. Conversely, inquiries that were sent by mail or letter fell constantly, hit a low of 350 in May, and remained stable in June.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"figures of questions" -> "number of inquiries"
Explanation: "Figures of questions" is awkward phrasing. "Number of inquiries" is a more precise and formal term to refer to the quantity of questions or requests received.
"array of people questioned" -> "number of individuals queried"
Explanation: "Array of people questioned" is not idiomatic. "Number of individuals queried" is a more suitable and formal expression to describe the count of people who made inquiries.
"calling to enquire" -> "phoning to inquire"
Explanation: "Calling to enquire" is grammatically incorrect. "Phoning to inquire" is the correct usage in formal English.
"enquired directly" -> "made direct inquiries"
Explanation: "Enquired directly" is somewhat awkward. "Made direct inquiries" is a clearer and more formal phrasing to convey the act of seeking information directly.
"took over others as a primary communication" -> "emerged as the predominant mode of communication"
Explanation: "Took over others as a primary communication" is unclear and lacks precision. "Emerged as the predominant mode of communication" is a more sophisticated and precise way to describe the shift in communication methods.
"climbed dramatically" -> "experienced a sharp increase"
Explanation: "Climbed dramatically" is somewhat colloquial. "Experienced a sharp increase" maintains formality and clarity in describing the significant rise in the number of people visiting the Tourist Information office.
"hit a low of 350" -> "reached a nadir of 350"
Explanation: "Hit a low of 350" is less formal. "Reached a nadir of 350" provides a more precise and advanced vocabulary choice to describe the lowest point reached.
"remained stable" -> "stabilized"
Explanation: "Remained stable" is less concise. "Stabilized" is a more concise and formal term to describe the maintenance of stability in the number of inquiries.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data presented. It effectively highlights key features such as the fluctuations in the number of enquiries received through different channels over the six-month period in 2011. The essay demonstrates an understanding of the data and presents it in a coherent manner.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend its analysis of the data by providing more detailed descriptions of the trends observed. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in the reporting of numerical figures and using more varied vocabulary would enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization by introducing the topic and providing an overview of the data. However, there are issues with overall progression and cohesion. The transitions between ideas are somewhat lacking, leading to a choppy flow. Additionally, there are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the use of cohesive devices and referencing. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, affecting the overall coherence.
How to improve: Focus on improving the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices more accurately and consistently to connect sentences and ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that paragraphs are logically structured to enhance coherence and cohesion. Pay attention to referencing and avoid repetitive language or unclear substitutions.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including some less common words such as "enquiries," "array," and "climbed dramatically." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "figures of questions" instead of "number of enquiries," and "questions which received" instead of "enquiries received." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "enquired" instead of "inquired" and "through the next several months" instead of "over the next several months." These errors do not severely impede communication but affect the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on using more precise and appropriate vocabulary, paying attention to word choice and collocation. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can also help enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, strive for greater variety and sophistication in language use to elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering various aspects of the data presented in the graph. The essay uses a combination of sentence structures to convey the information, although some sentences could be more complex for a higher score. While there are errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To improve the score, aim to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex ones. Pay close attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors and enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure consistent use of appropriate verb forms and sentence structures to elevate the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph delineates the fluctuation in the volume of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in a particular urban locale over the span of January to June 2011. Overall, it is evident that the highest number of inquiries was made in person, while the lowest volume was observed for inquiries made via letter or email.

Commencing with January, approximately 900 individuals made inquiries via phone, whereas around 700 inquiries were received through email or letter during the same month. Notably, the fewest number of inquiries, roughly 450, were made in person. However, following the initial month, there was a significant surge in in-person inquiries, surpassing the other modes of communication.

Subsequently, there was a remarkable escalation in the number of individuals visiting the Tourist Information Office over the ensuing months, peaking at approximately 1900 inquiries. Conversely, the number of inquiries made via phone experienced a slight decline in January, with only 800 calls, but progressively increased in the succeeding months. In contrast, inquiries made via mail or letter consistently decreased, reaching a nadir of 350 in May, and maintaining stability in June.