The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011

The graph illustrates how many inquiries were received by the Tourist Information Office in one city from January to June 2011. It is clear that there was an upward trend in the number of inquiries received in person, while the figure for letters and emails followed the opposite trend. Another interesting point is that the number of inquiries received by telephone was the highest in the first month, but in June inquiries received in person more than others.
Looking at the details, the figure for inquiries received in person started at about 410 in January, followed by significant growth to nearly 1900 in the last month. As regards the number of inquiries by letter and email, it began at approximately 790 in January before decreasing moderately to around 390 in May. At this point, this figure leveled off until June.
If we look at the number of inquiries received by telephone. It started at nearly 850, after which it saw a minimal fall to exactly 800 in February before growing steadily to 1000 in March. Having remained stable at 1000 from March to April, the number of inquiries received by telephone then rose sharply to 1600 in the last month.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"how many inquiries were received" -> "the quantity of inquiries received"
Explanation: "How many" is more colloquial, while "the quantity of" is more formal and suitable for academic or professional writing.
"upward trend" -> "ascending trend"
Explanation: "Ascending trend" is a more precise and formal way to describe an increase over time.
"followed the opposite trend" -> "exhibited a contrasting trend"
Explanation: "Followed the opposite trend" is a bit redundant and informal, while "exhibited a contrasting trend" provides a clearer and more sophisticated description.
"the highest in the first month" -> "peaked in the initial month"
Explanation: "Peaked in the initial month" is a more specific and descriptive phrase to indicate the highest point.
"more than others" -> "more than the other categories"
Explanation: "More than others" is vague and can be clarified by specifying "the other categories."
"started at about" -> "commenced at approximately"
Explanation: "Commenced at approximately" is a more formal and precise way to describe the starting point.
"before decreasing moderately" -> "subsequently decreasing moderately"
Explanation: "Subsequently decreasing moderately" provides a clearer chronological sequence of events.
"this figure leveled off" -> "this figure plateaued"
Explanation: "Plateaued" is a more concise and specific term to indicate a stable period.
"minimal fall" -> "slight decline"
Explanation: "Slight decline" is a more descriptive and precise way to describe a small decrease.
"after which it saw" -> "followed by"
Explanation: "Followed by" is a simpler and more direct way to indicate a sequence of events.
"having remained stable" -> "remaining stable"
Explanation: "Remaining stable" is more concise and maintains the same meaning.
"then rose sharply" -> "subsequently surged sharply"
Explanation: "Subsequently surged sharply" adds more emphasis and detail to the upward movement.

These changes help to elevate the vocabulary and improve the precision and clarity of the essay’s descriptions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting an overview of the main trends in the data provided by the graph. It clearly identifies the trends in inquiries received in person, by letter/email, and by telephone over the six-month period. The key features of the data, such as the upward trend in inquiries received in person and the opposite trend for letters/emails, are highlighted effectively.

How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, consider providing more detailed analysis of the data trends, such as discussing possible reasons for the observed patterns or making connections between the different types of inquiries. Additionally, ensure that all information provided is relevant and accurate, avoiding repetition or irrelevant details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas in a generally coherent manner with a clear overall progression. It effectively presents the data from the graph and describes trends over time. The essay utilizes cohesive devices reasonably well, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences, such as in the transition between discussing inquiries received in person and those received by letter/email. Additionally, some improvement is needed in referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as some ideas could be better organized into separate paragraphs for improved coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, pay closer attention to the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother, avoiding abrupt shifts. Use cohesive devices consistently and appropriately to maintain coherence and avoid repetition. Consider restructuring paragraphs to ensure each one focuses on a clear central topic, enhancing the overall organization and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. It utilizes a variety of terms such as "illustrates," "upward trend," "significant growth," "moderately," "leveled off," "minimal fall," and "steadily," which contribute to a clear and coherent description of the data. Additionally, there is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "inquiries," "in person," "telephone," and "emails," which enhances the lexical variety. The writer also demonstrates awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "followed the opposite trend" and "remained stable." While there are occasional errors in word choice and expression, they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, strive for more sophisticated and precise vocabulary choices. Additionally, pay attention to collocation patterns to ensure more natural usage of words and phrases. Review the essay for any inaccuracies or minor errors in word choice and expression to refine the overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering the trends shown in the graph adequately. There is a clear attempt to use varied sentence structures and vocabulary. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as missing articles ("the figure for inquiries received in person started at about 410 in January") and awkward phrasing ("this figure leveled off until June"). Despite these errors, the communication remains relatively clear, and the essay effectively conveys the main trends depicted in the graph.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, pay closer attention to article usage and sentence structure. Additionally, ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Proofreading for punctuation errors and awkward phrasing can also help enhance clarity and coherence. Expanding the range of complex structures used in the essay would further elevate its score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph illustrates the fluctuation in the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in a particular city from January to June 2011. It is evident that there was a consistent increase in inquiries made in person, whereas inquiries made via letters and emails experienced a declining trend. Notably, telephone inquiries peaked in January but were surpassed by inquiries made in person by June.

Examining the specifics, the number of inquiries made in person commenced at approximately 410 in January, exhibiting a substantial rise to nearly 1900 by June. Conversely, inquiries received via letters and emails began at around 790 in January, gradually decreasing to about 390 in May, stabilizing thereafter until June.

Regarding telephone inquiries, the figure initiated at nearly 850, slightly declining to exactly 800 in February, then steadily ascending to 1000 in March. Remaining steady at 1000 from March to April, telephone inquiries experienced a significant surge to 1600 in June.