The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas of a European country between 1987 and 2007

The line graph below illustrates information about the amount of oil used by the US, China, the Middle East, Western Europe and Japan between 2009 and 2030.

Overall, from 2015, oil consumption in Western Europe/Japan and in the US is predicted to decrease. In contrast, China and the Middle East are expected to increase, The US will stand on top of all the times.

In 2009, the number of barrels of oil consumed daily in the US was just under 10 billion. Followed by Western Europe/Japan at 4 billion, and China and the Middle East at 2 billion each. In 2015, while consumption fell in Western Europe/Japan and remained stable in the US, there was an increase in oil consumption in China and the Middle East.

By 2030, the number of barrels of oil consumed daily in the US is predicted to fall to 4 billion, while consumption is expected to go down to 2 billion in Western Europe/Japan. By contrast, a rise in the amount of oil consumed is predicted in the Middle East, reaching a peak of 3 billion barrels per day in 2030. This is slightly lower than the projected figure for China.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the amount of oil used" -> "oil consumption"
Explanation: "Oil consumption" is a more precise and commonly used term in this context, referring to the quantity of oil utilized over a specific period.
"Overall, from 2015" -> "Overall, starting from 2015"
Explanation: Adding "starting from" clarifies the temporal relationship and enhances the coherence of the sentence.
"is predicted to decrease" -> "is projected to decline"
Explanation: "Projected to decline" is a more formal and precise phrase commonly used in forecasting scenarios.
"are expected to increase" -> "are anticipated to rise"
Explanation: "Anticipated to rise" adds a more sophisticated tone to the statement compared to "are expected to increase."
"The US will stand on top of all the times." -> "The US is forecasted to remain the highest consumer throughout the period."
Explanation: "Stand on top of all the times" is informal and unclear. "Is forecasted to remain the highest consumer throughout the period" offers a clearer and more formal expression.
"In 2009, the number of barrels of oil consumed daily" -> "In 2009, the daily oil consumption"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "daily oil consumption" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"consumption fell" -> "consumption decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more precise and formal term compared to "fell."
"while consumption fell in Western Europe/Japan and remained stable in the US" -> "while consumption decreased in Western Europe/Japan and remained steady in the US"
Explanation: Replacing "fell" with "decreased" and "stable" with "steady" maintains consistency and formalizes the language.
"By contrast" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: "In contrast" is a more appropriate transition to introduce a comparison between different trends or situations.
"a rise in the amount of oil consumed is predicted" -> "an increase in oil consumption is projected"
Explanation: "An increase in oil consumption is projected" offers a more formal and precise expression compared to "a rise in the amount of oil consumed is predicted."
"reaching a peak of 3 billion barrels per day in 2030" -> "peaking at 3 billion barrels per day in 2030"
Explanation: "Peaking at" is a more concise and idiomatic expression to describe reaching the highest point.
"slightly lower than the projected figure" -> "marginally lower than the projected amount"
Explanation: "Marginally lower than the projected amount" provides a clearer description, emphasizing a slight difference from the forecasted value.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the main task of describing the trends in oil consumption for the mentioned regions over the specified time period. It provides a basic overview of the data, highlighting the predicted changes in oil consumption for each region. The information is generally clear and relevant, with key features such as initial consumption levels and predicted changes mentioned.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed analysis and extend the discussion of key features. Specifically, it could include more precise figures and data points to support the trends mentioned. Additionally, ensuring that the essay accurately reflects the graph provided in the prompt would enhance its clarity and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information with coherence, presenting a clear overview and progression of data. The introduction provides an overview of the trends, and subsequent paragraphs discuss specific data points over time. The use of cohesive devices is effective in connecting ideas, although there are some instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for smoother flow. Paragraphing is used, but not consistently or logically throughout the essay.
How to improve: Ensure consistent and logical paragraphing throughout the essay to enhance readability and structure. Work on improving cohesion within and between sentences to achieve a smoother flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with repetitive use of terms such as "oil consumption," "Western Europe/Japan," "the US," "China," and "the Middle East." While it effectively communicates the main trends depicted in the graph, it lacks variety and depth in lexical resources. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in terminology and coherence, such as referring to the graph as illustrating "the amount of oil used" rather than "the number of overseas visitors," as stated in the prompt. These errors may cause some confusion for the reader.

How to improve:

Expand vocabulary: Incorporate a broader range of vocabulary related to oil consumption trends, such as "energy consumption," "petroleum usage," "demand for oil," etc. Avoid repetitive usage of phrases and explore synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
Clarify terminology: Ensure accurate use of terminology relevant to the provided prompt. In this case, focus on describing the trends in overseas visitors rather than oil consumption.
Enhance coherence: Structure sentences and paragraphs in a more cohesive manner to improve the flow of ideas and clarity of communication. This can be achieved through careful organization of information and the use of appropriate transition words and phrases.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex ones. There is an effort to convey a range of ideas, and some complex sentences are used, such as "In contrast, China and the Middle East are expected to increase, The US will stand on top of all the times." However, the accuracy of these sentences is often compromised, leading to confusion. Grammatical errors and inaccuracies, such as missing articles and awkward phrasing, are frequent throughout the essay, making comprehension difficult at times. Punctuation is also inconsistent, further affecting clarity.

How to improve: Focus on improving the accuracy of sentence structures and grammar. Pay attention to proper article usage, sentence construction, and punctuation. Practice crafting complex sentences more effectively to enhance clarity and coherence in conveying ideas. Additionally, thorough proofreading and revision can help identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph presents data regarding the daily oil consumption of five regions, namely the US, China, the Middle East, Western Europe, and Japan, spanning the years from 2009 to 2030.

Overall, it is anticipated that oil consumption will witness a decline in Western Europe/Japan and the US starting from 2015. Conversely, China and the Middle East are projected to experience an upward trend in their oil consumption, with the US maintaining its position as the highest consumer throughout the period.

In 2009, the US exhibited the highest daily oil consumption, standing at just under 10 billion barrels. Following the US, Western Europe/Japan recorded a consumption of 4 billion barrels, while both China and the Middle East consumed 2 billion barrels each. Notably, by 2015, while oil consumption decreased in Western Europe/Japan and remained stable in the US, there was a notable increase in China and the Middle East.

Looking ahead to 2030, predictions suggest a significant decrease in daily oil consumption in the US to 4 billion barrels, and a drop to 2 billion barrels in Western Europe/Japan. In contrast, the Middle East is expected to witness a surge in oil consumption, reaching a peak of 3 billion barrels per day in 2030, slightly lower than the projected figure for China.