The graph below shows the number of tourists visting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where revelant.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where revelant.

The amount of visitors in millions travelling a particular Caribbean island over the 7 years period starting from 2010 has been shown in the table.
As can obviously seen in the table, the total number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island witnessed an upward trend. In addition, between 2010 and 2015 more people prefer travelling on island than cruise ships. However , from the year 2016 onwards, travelers prefer the latter.
In the first examined year, arrivals to the island stood at 0.5 million, two times higher as much as that of cruise ships. Over the next 6 years, there was a three-fold growth to 1.5 million in the number of travelers despite a decrease in 2016.
The amount of guests travelling to cruise ships fluctuated between 0.25 and 0.5 million from 2010 to 2013. In 2013 to one year later, there was a two-ford growth in the number of tourists who visit ships followed by a doubled to 2 million during the last period. Totally , arrivals travelling Caribbean island witnessed a steep increase to 3.5 million people over the 10 years period beginning in 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"The amount of visitors in millions" -> "The number of visitors in millions"
Explanation: "Amount" refers to a quantity that cannot be counted, while "number" is used when referring to countable objects or individuals. Since visitors can be counted, "number" is more appropriate here.
"travelling a particular Caribbean island" -> "traveling to a specific Caribbean island"
Explanation: "Travelling a particular Caribbean island" is an awkward phrasing. "Traveling to a specific Caribbean island" provides clearer and more concise expression of the destination.
"As can obviously seen" -> "As is evident"
Explanation: "As can obviously seen" is grammatically incorrect. "As is evident" is a more formal and precise way to indicate something that is readily apparent.
"more people prefer travelling on island" -> "more people prefer traveling to the island"
Explanation: "Traveling on island" is not a common or grammatically correct phrase. "Traveling to the island" is a more accurate description of visiting a specific location.
"from the year 2016 onwards" -> "from 2016 onward"
Explanation: "Onwards" is redundant when used with "from." "From 2016 onward" is a concise way to indicate a starting point that continues into the future.
"In the first examined year" -> "In the initial year examined"
Explanation: "First examined year" is awkward phrasing. "Initial year examined" provides a clearer description of the timeframe being referenced.
"stood at 0.5 million" -> "was at 0.5 million"
Explanation: "Stood at" is informal and less precise. "Was at" is a more appropriate phrase to indicate a specific numerical value.
"two times higher as much as" -> "twice as high as"
Explanation: "Two times higher as much as" is redundant and awkward. "Twice as high as" is a simpler and more concise way to express a comparison.
"there was a three-fold growth" -> "there was a threefold increase"
Explanation: "Three-fold growth" is less commonly used and more convoluted than "threefold increase," which is a more straightforward expression of growth.
"The amount of guests travelling to cruise ships" -> "The number of guests traveling by cruise ships"
Explanation: "Amount" should be replaced with "number" for countable objects. Additionally, "to cruise ships" should be changed to "by cruise ships" to indicate the mode of transportation.
"fluctuated between 0.25 and 0.5 million" -> "fluctuated between 0.25 million and 0.5 million"
Explanation: For consistency and clarity, both values should be expressed in the same unit (million).
"there was a two-ford growth" -> "there was a twofold increase"
Explanation: "Two-ford growth" is a typo. "Twofold increase" is the correct term to express a doubling.
"Totally" -> "Overall"
Explanation: "Totally" is informal. "Overall" is a more suitable term for summarizing the total result or conclusion.
"witnessed a steep increase" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Steep increase" is a colloquial term. "Experienced a significant increase" is more formal and precise in academic or professional writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

[
Band Score: 4

Explanation: The response attempts to address the task by describing trends in the data, but it doesn’t fully cover all key features accurately or clearly. There are several inaccuracies and unclear statements. The essay mentions trends but does not clearly present an overall view of the main changes or make clear comparisons between different years. The language used is sometimes incorrect or awkwardly phrased, leading to confusion about the intended meaning. Some key points and details are mentioned, but their presentation lacks clarity and may be mixed with inaccuracies.

How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, focus on clearly identifying and describing key trends or changes in the data without introducing inaccuracies. Ensure that comparisons between different years or different data points are accurate and clear. Use appropriate language and avoid unclear or incorrect expressions to maintain clarity. Organize the information logically to give a clear overview of the trends shown in the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas with a discernible progression throughout, aligning it with the Band 6 descriptor. The writer uses cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas; however, the cohesion sometimes appears mechanical, and there are instances of unclear referencing, such as "As can obviously seen" which should be corrected to "As can be obviously seen." The use of cohesive devices like "In addition" and "However" helps in linking ideas, though at times, these connections feel somewhat forced and do not flow naturally.

Paragraphing is present, but the logical structuring within each paragraph could be improved for better clarity and impact. For example, the paragraph transitions and the distribution of information about tourist trends over the years could be more strategically organized to enhance readability and coherence.

How to improve:
To improve towards a higher band score, consider the following suggestions:

Refine Cohesive Devices: More varied and accurately applied cohesive devices can improve the logical flow of information. Avoid overuse or mechanical use by integrating them more naturally into the text.
Enhance Referencing Techniques: Use pronouns and substitutions more effectively to avoid repetition and clarify the relationships between ideas and data points.
Improve Paragraphing: Each paragraph should have a clear central topic. Work on the internal logic of paragraphs, ensuring that each one builds upon the previous and contributes to a comprehensive argument or narrative.
Proofreading for Clarity and Accuracy: Address grammatical errors and unclear expressions. Ensuring that sentences are well-constructed and ideas are clearly expressed will also aid in enhancing the cohesion and overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary. While it adequately conveys the main features of the graph, it lacks variety and sophistication in lexical choices. There are some noticeable errors in word choice and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. For example, "two-ford" instead of "two-fold" and "travelling on island" instead of "travelling to the island" are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word usage.

How to improve:

Increase the range of vocabulary used to describe trends and comparisons.
Ensure accurate word choice and usage to avoid errors that may confuse the reader.
Pay attention to word formation and phrasing to convey ideas more clearly and effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a mix of sentence forms, incorporating both simple and complex structures. There are some complex sentences attempted, but they tend to be less accurate than simple sentences, leading to occasional grammatical errors. The essay demonstrates an attempt at comparison and summarization, though the clarity is somewhat compromised due to grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring accurate usage of grammar and punctuation. Aim for clearer expression of ideas to improve communication. Additionally, strive for consistency in verb tenses and avoid repetitive phrasing for better coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the volume of tourists, measured in millions, visiting a specific Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017.

Throughout the depicted period, there was a consistent upward trajectory in the total number of visitors to the island. Notably, from 2010 to 2015, the preference for travel to the island itself surpassed that of cruise ships. However, this trend reversed from 2016 onward, with travelers showing a preference for cruise ship voyages.

In the initial year of observation, arrivals to the island amounted to 0.5 million, twice the number of visitors opting for cruise ship travel. Subsequently, over the following six years, there was a remarkable threefold increase, culminating in 1.5 million visitors, despite a decline in 2016.

Conversely, the number of guests embarking on cruise ship journeys fluctuated between 0.25 and 0.5 million from 2010 to 2013. Thereafter, a notable twofold surge occurred from 2013 to the subsequent year, reaching 1 million, followed by a doubling to 2 million in the final period.

In total, arrivals to the Caribbean island experienced a significant rise to 3.5 million over the observed seven-year span, commencing in 2010.