The graph below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six computer science subjects at a US university in 2011 . Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The given bar chart illustrates the figure of each gender research teenagers enrolling six information technology subjects at a US university in the year 2011 .
Overall , male students were predominant in all subjects except for Linguistics and Nature Sciences . In addition , The most highest number of students can be seen simultaneously in Psychology , Nature Sciences , Mathematics – subject having the biggest difference was recorded in .
In details , the quantity of female students in Linguistics subject stood at 125 , was above two times as much as that of male , just about 60 people . And this number was also the smallest figure in subjects which male students majoring in . As for Engineering , the figure for male people enrolling this subject doubled than as much as that of female . The similar pattern can be seen when we looked at Programming subject .
About remaining subjects , most of male students majored in this three subjects , with 200 people for each , this was also the highest value in the given graph . Noticeable point was the female in Nature Sciences , with the number of them in this field equaled male students . In contrast , this figure of Mathematics just stood at about 40 ( the smallest number in the bar chart ) , lower 160 than that of Nature Sciences.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given bar chart illustrates the figure of each gender research teenagers enrolling six information technology subjects at a US university in the year 2011." -> "The provided bar chart depicts the enrollment of male and female students in six information technology subjects at a US university in 2011."
Explanation: "The given bar chart" is somewhat informal and vague; "the provided bar chart" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "research teenagers" is incorrect as "research" is not the correct term here; "enrollment" is the appropriate verb to use in this context.
"Overall, male students were predominant in all subjects except for Linguistics and Nature Sciences." -> "Overall, male students were the dominant group in all subjects except Linguistics and Nature Sciences."
Explanation: "Predominant" is correct but can be replaced with "dominant" for a more direct and academic tone. Also, the comma after "Overall" is unnecessary and the phrase "except for" should not be followed by a comma.
"The most highest number of students can be seen simultaneously in Psychology, Nature Sciences, Mathematics – subject having the biggest difference was recorded in." -> "The highest number of students is seen simultaneously in Psychology, Nature Sciences, and Mathematics, with the largest difference recorded in."
Explanation: "The most highest" is redundant; "the highest" is sufficient. The dash after "Mathematics" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence. Also, "subject having the biggest difference was recorded in" is awkward and unclear; "with the largest difference recorded in" is clearer and more formal.
"In details, the quantity of female students in Linguistics subject stood at 125, was above two times as much as that of male, just about 60 people. And this number was also the smallest figure in subjects which male students majoring in. As for Engineering, the figure for male people enrolling this subject doubled than as much as that of female. The similar pattern can be seen when we looked at Programming subject." -> "In detail, the number of female students in Linguistics was 125, which is more than twice that of male students, approximately 60. This was also the lowest figure among subjects in which male students were enrolled. Similarly, in Engineering, the number of male students was double that of female students, and this pattern is also observed in Programming."
Explanation: "In details" should be "In detail" for grammatical correctness. "Linguistics subject" should be "Linguistics" for subject-verb agreement. "Just about" is informal and vague; "approximately" is more precise. "Male people" is redundant; "male students" is sufficient. "Doubled than as much as" is incorrect; "double that of" is the correct phrase. "When we looked at" is informal; "when examining" is more formal.
"About remaining subjects, most of male students majored in this three subjects, with 200 people for each, this was also the highest value in the given graph. Noticeable point was the female in Nature Sciences, with the number of them in this field equaled male students. In contrast, this figure of Mathematics just stood at about 40 ( the smallest number in the bar chart ), lower 160 than that of Nature Sciences." -> "Regarding the remaining subjects, the majority of male students majored in these three subjects, with 200 students each, which is also the highest value in the graph. Notably, the number of female students in Nature Sciences is equal to that of male students. In contrast, the figure for Mathematics is approximately 40, the lowest in the bar chart, which is 160 fewer than that of Nature Sciences."
Explanation: "About remaining subjects" is informal and vague; "Regarding the remaining subjects" is more precise. "This three subjects" should be "these three subjects" for grammatical correctness. "Noticeable point" is informal and unclear; "Notably" is more formal and appropriate. "Equaled male students" is awkward and unclear; "is equal to that of male students" is clearer. "Lower 160 than that of Nature Sciences" is incorrect; "160 fewer than that of Nature Sciences" is grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the main features of the graph. However, the overview is not clear and the essay does not adequately cover all the key features of the graph. For example, the essay states that "the most highest number of students can be seen simultaneously in Psychology, Nature Sciences, Mathematics" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also focuses on details rather than providing a clear overview of the main trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the graph in a more organized and concise way. For example, the essay could start by stating that male students were predominant in all subjects except for Linguistics and Nature Sciences. Then, the essay could go on to provide specific data to support this claim. The essay should also avoid using informal language and grammatical errors.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempts at organization but lacks coherent progression and clear paragraphing. There are issues with cohesion due to repetitive and unclear use of cohesive devices. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disorganized manner with inconsistent paragraphing. There is an attempt to compare numbers between genders and subjects, but the presentation lacks clarity and coherence.

How to improve:

Organizational Structure: Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs organized by subject or category, and a conclusion summarizing key points.
Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., pronouns, conjunctions) effectively to link ideas and ensure clarity.
Paragraphing: Clearly separate different topics or aspects into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and logical flow.
Accuracy and Clarity: Review sentence structure and grammar to improve the overall clarity and accuracy of information presented.

This feedback focuses on improving coherence and cohesion by enhancing the essay’s structure, use of cohesive devices, and clarity of presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, although there are repetitive and inappropriate word choices throughout ("figure" used repeatedly, "Nature Sciences" instead of "Natural Sciences"). There are also significant errors in word formation and spelling ("teenagers" instead of "students," "Programming subject" instead of "Computer Programming," inconsistent capitalization and grammar). These errors occasionally hinder communication, such as unclear phrasing ("the most highest number"). The essay lacks sophistication in lexical control and uses repetitive vocabulary and awkward phrasing that strains readability.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Introduce a wider range of vocabulary relevant to academic subjects and statistics (e.g., "enrolment" instead of "enrolling").
Precision and Accuracy: Focus on precise word choices and accurate word formation to enhance clarity and readability.
Grammar and Sentence Structure: Improve sentence structure and grammar to ensure coherence and coherence in the presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and lacks accuracy, resulting in frequent errors that occasionally hinder communication. There are issues with sentence structure, tense consistency, and punctuation throughout the essay. Some attempts at complex sentences are made, but they are often inaccurate. For instance, "The most highest number of students can be seen simultaneously in Psychology, Nature Sciences, Mathematics – subject having the biggest difference was recorded in." This sentence structure is unclear and contains errors in both grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Focus on clearer sentence structures to enhance readability. Use simpler sentence forms if complex ones are causing inaccuracies.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammar rules and punctuation marks. Practice using commas, periods, and capitalization correctly to improve coherence.
Complex Sentences: Work on constructing complex sentences accurately. Ensure that each part of the sentence is grammatically correct and contributes clearly to the overall meaning.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better clarity and coherence, which are essential for higher band scores in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The provided bar chart illustrates the enrollment of male and female research students across six computer science subjects at a US university in 2011.

Overall, male students predominated in all subjects except Linguistics and Nature Sciences. Psychology, Nature Sciences, and Mathematics had the highest student numbers, with Mathematics showing the largest disparity.

Specifically, female enrollment in Linguistics was notably higher at 125, more than double that of male students at approximately 60, marking the lowest male enrollment among the subjects. In Engineering and Programming, male enrollment was double that of females.

In the remaining subjects, male enrollment was highest at 200 in each of the three subjects, which also represented the peak values in the chart. Notably, female enrollment in Nature Sciences equaled that of males, whereas in Mathematics, it was markedly lower at about 40, the lowest figure depicted, lagging behind Nature Sciences by 160.

This revision maintains the original structure and key data points while enhancing clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy.