the graph below shows the percentage of people in the different age group who went to the cinema once a mouth in Great Britain. Summarize the information bt selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph illustrates that citizens in Great Britain from a variety of age groups have gone to the movie theater once a month between 1984 and 2000.
Overall, there was an increase in the proportion of teenagers who went to the cinema, while other age groups fluctuated steadily during the 16 years.
The share of 15-24 year olds in the country who went to the movie theater started at 16% in 1984, after which it saw a progressive dramatically increased approximate 68% in 2000, Conversely, the figure for 7-14 year olds steadily upward from 1984 to 1999, it suddenly dropped about 5% over 1 year.
Approximately 4% of the 25-35 year olds who went to the cinema, with subsequent fluctuations and a final increased 32% in 2000. This year, the figure is the same as underteenagers. Similarly, the figure for the 35- over year olds slightly rose over 16 years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"progressive dramatically increased" -> "progressively and dramatically increased"
Explanation: "Progressive" and "dramatically" are both adverbs that modify the verb "increased" and should be used together to provide a more precise and grammatically correct description.
"Conversely, the figure for 7-14 year olds steadily upward" -> "Conversely, the figure for 7-14 year olds steadily increased"
Explanation: "Steadily upward" is awkward phrasing. "Steadily increased" is a more concise and grammatically correct way to convey the upward trend.
"fluctuations and a final increased 32% in 2000" -> "fluctuations, culminating in a 32% increase by 2000"
Explanation: "Final increased" is not idiomatic. "Culminating in" effectively communicates the final result after fluctuations, and "increase" is used as a noun to maintain clarity.
"This year, the figure is the same as underteenagers." -> "In the same year, the figure mirrors that of teenagers."
Explanation: "This year" is redundant and can be omitted for clarity. "Mirrors" is a more precise term to indicate similarity.
"Similarly, the figure for the 35- over year olds slightly rose over 16 years." -> "Likewise, the figure for those over 35 years old experienced a slight increase over the 16-year period."
Explanation: "Similarly" is used to indicate a comparison, but "likewise" is more appropriate here to introduce a similar trend. "Slightly rose over 16 years" lacks specificity and clarity, while "experienced a slight increase over the 16-year period" provides a clearer and more descriptive explanation.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph. It provides an overview of the trends in cinema attendance across different age groups over the specified period. However, there are some areas where the information could be clearer and more accurate.

How to improve:

Clarify the data presentation: Ensure the data is presented accurately and clearly. For example, the description of the percentages should be more precise and consistent.
Improve coherence and cohesion: The essay lacks smooth transitions between sentences and ideas, making it somewhat difficult to follow. Utilize cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
Ensure accuracy: Check the accuracy of the information provided, such as the percentages and trends, to avoid inaccuracies that could affect the overall understanding of the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information somewhat coherently, with a basic overall progression. It attempts to present the main features of the graph, including comparisons between age groups, but there are some issues with clarity and cohesion. While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices, some are used inaccurately, leading to occasional confusion. Paragraphing is attempted but is not consistently logical, and there is some repetition.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing ideas more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas progress logically throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices more effectively and accurately to connect sentences and ideas. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph contains cohesive and relevant information, avoiding unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates very limited control over word formation, spelling, and word choice, resulting in severe distortions of the message. There are numerous errors throughout the essay that significantly hinder comprehension.

How to improve:

Lexical Range: Expand the range of vocabulary used. Currently, the essay repeats phrases and lacks variety.
Accuracy: Focus on correct word formation, spelling, and word choice.
Grammar: Work on improving grammatical structures to enhance clarity and coherence.

This essay would benefit greatly from more careful proofreading and the use of clearer and more precise language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It effectively summarizes the information presented in the graph and makes relevant comparisons. There is an attempt at using a variety of structures, including some complex ones, such as subordinate clauses. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. For example, "a variety of age groups have gone to the movie theater once a month" should be "a variety of age groups went to the movie theater once a month." Also, "progressive dramatically increased approximate 68%" should be "progressively increased to approximately 68%." These errors, while not severely hindering communication, do affect the clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring proper grammar and punctuation usage. Reviewing and editing for errors before submission can significantly improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, practicing writing complex sentences and using a wider variety of grammatical structures can help achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph delineates the frequency with which individuals in various age brackets in Great Britain visited cinemas monthly from 1984 to 2000.

Overall, there was a notable surge in cinema attendance among teenagers, while other age demographics exhibited relatively stable patterns during the 16-year period.

Commencing at 16% in 1984, the proportion of 15-24 year olds frequenting cinemas experienced a remarkable upward trajectory, reaching approximately 68% by 2000. Conversely, the attendance rate among 7-14 year olds exhibited a gradual increase from 1984 to 1999, followed by a sudden decline of about 5% in the subsequent year.

Approximately 4% of individuals aged 25-35 visited cinemas initially, with subsequent fluctuations leading to a final increase to 32% in 2000, aligning with the figure for teenagers that year.

Similarly, the attendance rate among individuals aged 35 and over exhibited a slight incline over the 16-year period.