The graph below shows the percentage of self employed workers of the total workforce in five countries in 1998 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart comapares the proportion of self employed workers of the total workforce's 5 countries: Turkey, Greece, Republic, Slovakia, Russian Republic in the period 1998-2008
In the general, the chart divides into 2 groups of countries: 1 group had a growth and 1 group had a collapse over the course of 10 years. In addition, Turkey had the highghest percentage of self employed workers in 1998 while the opposite was true for Russian Republic.
On one hand, in the first group increasing for 10 years. Slovakia had jumped from approximately 10% to more than 10% over 10 years. Russian Republic increase just a mere 5% during this 10-year period. Czech Republic was the same amount of growth as Russian Republic. With this group it can be concluded: Slovakia was the country with the highest growth rate while the Czech Republic and Russian Public only increased slightly.
On the other hand, in the second group which gropped. The figure for self employed workers in 1998 and 2008 of both 2 countries were tripled than the first group. Whereas, it tends to declined not rised like the other group. Greece reduced from just over 40% to roughly quarter of 40. Likewise, Turkey was slump dramatically. In the last 10 years, it collapsed from about 60% to approximately 40%.

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Errors and Improvements:

"comapares" -> "compares"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "compares" ensures accuracy and clarity in the sentence.
"proportion of self employed workers of the total workforce’s 5 countries" -> "proportion of self-employed workers in the total workforce of 5 countries"
Explanation: Revising the phrase to "self-employed workers in the total workforce" improves grammatical structure and readability.
"Republic" -> "Republics"
Explanation: Using the plural form "Republics" is more accurate when referring to multiple countries, maintaining consistency throughout the text.
"In the general" -> "In general"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "general" corrects the phrase to "In general," which is grammatically correct.
"group had a collapse" -> "group experienced a decline"
Explanation: Replacing "collapse" with "decline" offers a more precise and formal term to describe the decrease in self-employed workers.
"highghest" -> "highest"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "highest" ensures accuracy and clarity in the sentence.
"On one hand, in the first group increasing for 10 years." -> "On one hand, the first group experienced growth over the 10-year period."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and coherence, specifying that the growth occurred over the entire ten years.
"Slovakia had jumped from approximately 10% to more than 10%" -> "Slovakia experienced an increase from approximately 10% to over 20%"
Explanation: Clarifying the extent of Slovakia’s increase from "more than 10%" to "over 20%" provides a more precise description of the data.
"Russian Republic increase just a mere 5%" -> "The Russian Republic experienced only a modest 5% increase"
Explanation: Using "modest" instead of "mere" enhances the sophistication of the language, and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity.
"Czech Republic was the same amount of growth as Russian Republic." -> "The Czech Republic exhibited a similar level of growth to the Russian Republic."
Explanation: Revising the sentence for clarity and coherence, ensuring a parallel structure between the countries mentioned.
"Russian Public" -> "Russian Republic"
Explanation: Correcting the typo to "Russian Republic" maintains consistency in the text and accurately refers to the country.
"gropped" -> "dropped"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "dropped" ensures accuracy and clarity in the sentence.
"Whereas, it tends to declined not rised like the other group." -> "However, it experienced a decline, unlike the other group, which saw a rise."
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure and using appropriate verb forms ("decline" and "rise") enhances readability and coherence.
"Greece reduced from just over 40% to roughly quarter of 40." -> "Greece’s proportion decreased from just over 40% to approximately one quarter."
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure and using appropriate quantifiers ("one quarter") improves accuracy and readability.
"Turkey was slump dramatically." -> "Turkey experienced a dramatic decline."
Explanation: Correcting the sentence structure and using appropriate verbs ("experienced" and "decline") enhances clarity and readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features and making relevant comparisons between the countries and the years 1998 and 2008. It presents an overview of the data, dividing the countries into two groups based on their trends over the ten-year period. The key features, such as the initial and final percentages of self-employed workers and the trends of growth or decline, are highlighted for each country. However, there are several issues with clarity, relevance, and accuracy throughout the essay. Some details are unclear or irrelevant, and there are inaccuracies in the presentation of data, such as stating that Slovakia’s percentage increased "more than 10%" when it actually remained around 10%. Additionally, the essay lacks full development in its response, as it could provide more extensive analysis and explanation of the trends observed.

How to improve:

Ensure clarity and accuracy in presenting details and data. Double-check numerical values and avoid making statements that may confuse or mislead the reader.
Provide more thorough explanations and analysis of the trends observed in the data. Explain why certain countries experienced growth while others declined, and discuss potential factors contributing to these trends.
Improve the overall coherence and organization of the essay. Use clearer language and structure to enhance readability and ensure that the main points are effectively communicated to the reader.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents some information regarding the percentage of self-employed workers in five countries over a ten-year period. However, the organization lacks coherence and progression. The essay jumps between discussing two groups of countries without a clear structure or transition. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in the presentation of data, such as inaccuracies in describing the changes in percentages and unclear comparisons between countries. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate, contributing to the lack of clarity. Furthermore, paragraphing is inadequate, with unclear separations between ideas.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay needs a clearer structure and logical progression of ideas. Start with an introduction that outlines the main features of the data and the overall trend. Then, organize the body paragraphs according to the two groups of countries mentioned, ensuring smooth transitions between them. Use clear and accurate language to describe the changes in percentages and make comparisons between countries. Additionally, enhance the use of cohesive devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Finally, ensure proper paragraphing to improve readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition and minimal adequacy for the task. The writer attempts to convey the main features of the graph and makes some relevant comparisons, but the vocabulary used lacks variety and sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary that is more appropriate and varied. They should focus on using vocabulary related to data presentation and analysis, such as "proportion," "trend," "comparison," etc. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation will enhance clarity and readability. Revising sentences for clarity and coherence can also elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including simple and some complex sentences. There is an effort to convey a range of ideas, and comparisons are made between the countries regarding the proportion of self-employed workers. However, there are notable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the chart divides into 2 groups of countries"), incorrect word forms ("the highghest percentage"), and awkward phrasing ("the figure for self employed workers"). Punctuation is also inconsistent, impacting the clarity of the text.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using correct sentence structures consistently. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Additionally, aim for clarity and coherence in your writing by carefully punctuating your sentences and ensuring that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart compares the proportion of self-employed workers in five countries—Turkey, Greece, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Russian Federation—over the period 1998 to 2008. Generally, the chart delineates two distinct trends among the countries: growth and decline.

Turkey boasted the highest percentage of self-employed workers in 1998, whereas the Russian Federation had the lowest. Over the subsequent decade, Slovakia experienced a notable increase from just above 10% to over 20%. Conversely, the Russian Federation and Czech Republic saw only marginal growth, with approximately 5% and similar increases, respectively. This suggests that Slovakia exhibited the most substantial growth rate, while the Czech Republic and the Russian Federation showed minimal progression.

Conversely, Greece and Turkey faced a significant decline in self-employed workers over the same period. Greece’s proportion dropped from slightly above 40% to approximately a quarter of that figure, while Turkey experienced a dramatic slump from around 60% to roughly 40%. This decline contrasts sharply with the growth observed in the other group of countries.

Overall, the data highlights distinct trajectories in self-employment across the five countries over the ten-year period, with some experiencing growth and others facing decline.