The graph below shows the percentages of tourists who used different types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have used more than one type of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentages of tourists who used different types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have used more than one type of transport.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the provided chart depicts the proportion of holidaymakers who utilized various categories of transport to travel in a nation over a 20-year period from 1989.
overall,it is apparent that the rate of overseas users of rail and coach witnessed a significant upturn while the inverse was true for plane’s users.Additionally,the percentage of foreigners who used car and ferry could be seen as unaltered.
To delve further into the specifics,the figure of overseas people used car to travel commenced at nearly 50%,exhibiting a considerable growth by approximately 11% before dropping to its starting spot.On the other hand,train displayed a bloom of interest in tourists when experiencing a leap by nearly 29%,from 32% at the beginning to 59% at the end.Conversely,The percentage of travelers utilized plane exhibited a considerable decline by around 20%,ending at almost 20% in the last surveyed year.
Regarding to the remaining types.The proportion of Coach’s foreign users illustrated a remarkable increase over the examined years,from about 10% in 1989 to 28% in 2009.Notably,the rate of tourists who used ferry climbed gradually and reached its peak at 11% in 2004.But since then, it decreased slightly to the same figure as 1999, at 8%.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the provided chart" -> "the given chart"
   Explanation: "Given" is more formal and precise in academic contexts than "provided," which can sound slightly informal.

2. "utilized various categories of transport" -> "employed various modes of transportation"
   Explanation: "Employed" is more formal and specific than "utilized" in this context, and "modes of transportation" is a more precise term than "categories of transport."

3. "witnessed a significant upturn" -> "experienced a significant increase"
   Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe changes over time, whereas "witnessed a significant upturn" might sound slightly informal and less precise.

4. "the inverse was true for plane’s users" -> "the opposite was true for air travel"
   Explanation: "The opposite was true for air travel" is more formal and avoids the possessive form "plane’s users," which is grammatically incorrect.

5. "could be seen as unaltered" -> "remained relatively unchanged"
   Explanation: "Remained relatively unchanged" is a more precise and formal way to describe stability in data over time.

6. "To delve further into the specifics," -> "To examine the details more closely"
   Explanation: "To examine the details more closely" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "To delve further into the specifics."

7. "exhibiting a considerable growth by approximately 11%" -> "showing a significant increase of approximately 11%"
   Explanation: "Showing a significant increase" is more formal and precise than "exhibiting a considerable growth," which is somewhat redundant and informal.

8. "before dropping to its starting spot" -> "before returning to its initial level"
   Explanation: "Returning to its initial level" is more precise and formal than "dropping to its starting spot," which is colloquial.

9. "train displayed a bloom of interest" -> "there was an increase in interest in trains"
   Explanation: "There was an increase in interest in trains" is clearer and more formal than "train displayed a bloom of interest," which uses an idiom that is not suitable for academic writing.

10. "The percentage of travelers utilized plane" -> "The proportion of travelers using planes"
    Explanation: "The proportion of travelers using planes" corrects the grammatical error and improves formality.

11. "Regarding to the remaining types" -> "Regarding the remaining modes"
    Explanation: "Regarding the remaining modes" corrects the preposition error and enhances the formality of the sentence.

12. "illustrated a remarkable increase over the examined years" -> "showed a significant increase over the examined period"
    Explanation: "Showed a significant increase over the examined period" is more formal and precise than "illustrated a remarkable increase over the examined years."

13. "climbed gradually and reached its peak at 11%" -> "gradually increased and peaked at 11%"
    Explanation: "Gradually increased and peaked at 11%" is more concise and formal than "climbed gradually and reached its peak at 11%."

14. "since then, it decreased slightly to the same figure as 1999" -> "since then, it decreased slightly to the same level as in 1999"
    Explanation: "To the same level as in 1999" is more precise and formal than "to the same figure as 1999," which is less commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. For example, the essay states that the percentage of tourists who used car and ferry could be seen as unaltered, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay states that the percentage of travelers utilized plane exhibited a considerable decline by around 20%, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of tourists who used car to travel commenced at nearly 50%, exhibiting a considerable growth by approximately 11% before dropping to its starting spot. The essay could also state that the percentage of travelers utilized plane exhibited a considerable decline by around 20%, ending at almost 20% in the last surveyed year.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data, the flow of ideas is sometimes unclear, and the use of cohesive devices is inadequate, leading to confusion. There are instances of repetition and inaccuracies in referencing, particularly in the transitions between different modes of transport. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some ideas not being clearly separated into distinct paragraphs.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively will help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated and that referencing is accurate will improve the overall clarity and progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the chart, the vocabulary used is basic and occasionally inappropriate for the context. There are noticeable errors in word choice (e.g., "the rate of overseas users of rail and coach" could be more clearly expressed) and some inaccuracies in spelling and word formation (e.g., "plane’s users" should be "plane users"). These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. Additionally, focusing on correct word forms and collocations will improve clarity. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition and enhance the overall sophistication of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, particularly in subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and article usage. These errors occasionally hinder clarity and may cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the percentage of foreigners who used car" should be "the percentage of foreigners who used cars," and "the rate of overseas users of rail and coach witnessed a significant upturn" could be clearer with improved structure.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
2. Review Grammar Rules: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles.
3. Punctuation Practice: Improve punctuation usage, particularly with commas and periods, to enhance readability.
4. Proofreading: Always proofread the essay to catch minor errors that can be easily corrected.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart depicts the proportion of holidaymakers who utilized various categories of transport to travel within a nation over a 20-year period from 1989 to 2009. Overall, it is apparent that the rate of overseas users of rail and coach witnessed a significant upturn, while the opposite was true for plane users. Additionally, the percentage of foreigners who used cars and ferries remained relatively unchanged.

To delve further into the specifics, the figure for overseas people using cars to travel commenced at nearly 50%, exhibiting considerable growth of approximately 11% before dropping back to its initial level. On the other hand, train travel displayed a bloom of interest among tourists, experiencing a leap of nearly 29%, from 32% at the beginning to 59% at the end. Conversely, the percentage of travelers utilizing planes exhibited a considerable decline of around 20%, ending at almost 20% in the last surveyed year.

Regarding the remaining types, the proportion of coach users among foreigners illustrated a remarkable increase over the examined years, rising from about 10% in 1989 to 28% in 2009. Notably, the rate of tourists who used ferries climbed gradually, reaching its peak at 11% in 2004. However, since then, it decreased slightly to the same figure as in 1999, at 8%.