The graph below shows the percentages of tourists who used different types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have used more than one type of transport.

The provided line chart delineates the comparison of the proportions of commuters of five different means of transport to travel within a country in the period between 1989 and 2009
Overall, it is evident that car and rail were by far the two most favorite types of transports during almost all surveyed years while ferry was generally the least preferred by tourists. In addition, except for air, the four other means of transport all experienced an increase in the percentages of users.
Looking first at the figures for car and rail, the number of tourists choosing cars to travel commenced at slightly below 50%, and then increased steadily to peak at just over 60% in 1999 before experiencing a drop and ending at a mere over 50%. Meanwhile, there was approximately 34% of visitors chose rail to travel in 1989, ranking third right behind the air. By the following years, rail gradually increasingly popular with an extraordinary rate, surpassing air and then car to become the most favorite choice of travelers in 2009 with the ratio of nearly 60%.

Regarding the other three remaining types of transport. In 1989, there was nearly 40% of tourists preferred travelling by air, almost four-times higher than that of coach with roughly 10% whereas ferry was the least popular at about 3%. Between 1989 and 2009, air is the only means of transport experienced a decrease in the percentage of users, reaching only a half of its beginning level in 1989, while the travelers of both coach and ferry witnessed upward trends to around 28% and 8%, with ferry was still the least prevalent among travelers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"delineates" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: "Delineates" is an acceptable term, but "illustrates" is more commonly used and conveys the same meaning in this context, enhancing clarity and readability.
"proportions of commuters" -> "proportion of commuters"
Explanation: "Proportions" suggests multiple sets of proportions, while the context indicates a single proportion. Singular form aligns with the intended meaning.
"most favorite" -> "most preferred"
Explanation: "Most favorite" is redundant; "most preferred" is a more concise and precise term, avoiding redundancy.
"except for air" -> "excluding air"
Explanation: "Except for" is correct, but "excluding" provides a smoother transition and maintains consistency in phrasing.
"the number of tourists choosing cars to travel commenced" -> "the percentage of tourists opting for car travel began"
Explanation: "Commenced" is overly formal; "opting for" is a more direct and clear phrasing, and "percentage" is more appropriate in the context of a chart.
"ended at a mere over" -> "concluded at just above"
Explanation: "Mere over" is awkward; "concluded at just above" is clearer and more concise.
"there was approximately 34% of visitors chose rail to travel" -> "approximately 34% of visitors chose rail as their mode of travel"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision, using "as their mode of travel" for better readability.
"gradually increasingly popular" -> "gradually gained popularity"
Explanation: "Gradually increasingly popular" is redundant and awkward; "gradually gained popularity" is a clearer and more concise alternative.
"surpassing air and then car" -> "surpassing both air and car"
Explanation: Clarifying that rail surpassed both air and car, providing better precision and clarity.
"Regarding the other three remaining types of transport" -> "Regarding the remaining three types of transport"
Explanation: "Other" is unnecessary since the context already establishes there are five types of transport; removing it improves conciseness.
"was nearly 40% of tourists preferred" -> "nearly 40% of tourists preferred"
Explanation: Removing "was" improves sentence structure and readability.
"almost four-times higher than that of coach" -> "nearly four times higher than coach"
Explanation: Simplifying the comparison for clarity and readability.
"witnessed upward trends to around" -> "experienced upward trends, reaching approximately"
Explanation: Improving clarity and precision in describing trends, and using "reaching approximately" for better specificity.
"prevalent among travelers" -> "preferred by travelers"
Explanation: "Prevalent among" is less precise than "preferred by"; the latter better conveys the idea of choice or preference among travelers.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in tourist transport preferences between 1989 and 2009. It effectively highlights key features such as the dominance of car and rail, the increasing popularity of rail over the years, and the comparatively lower usage of air, coach, and ferry. The information is presented with clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, the essay could provide more specific data points or percentages to support the trends described. Additionally, the analysis could be further extended by discussing possible reasons for the shifts in transport preferences, such as changes in infrastructure, economic factors, or cultural influences. Furthermore, ensuring precise language usage and avoiding repetition would contribute to a more polished presentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a central topic, contributing to coherence. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, aiding in the overall organization of the essay.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent throughout the essay. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision in conveying ideas related to the given task. It effectively uses less common lexical items such as "commuters," "proportions," "preferred," "surpassing," "prevalent," and "witnessed upward trends." The writer also shows some awareness of style and collocation, employing phrases like "by far," "experienced an increase," and "commenced at." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, such as "increasingly popular with an extraordinary rate" (should be "increasingly popular at an extraordinary rate").

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on refining word choice and ensuring accuracy in expressions. Proofreading for minor errors in spelling and grammar would help maintain clarity and precision in communication. Additionally, incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary can further elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures, including varied sentence forms and appropriate use of transitions. The writer effectively employs a mix of simple and complex sentences to convey information. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. There is evidence of good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as missing articles or awkward phrasing, which slightly affect the overall fluency and accuracy.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, pay close attention to article usage and sentence structure consistency. Proofreading for minor errors and refining sentence structures can elevate the clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, striving for more varied vocabulary and precise word choices can add depth to the analysis.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented line chart illustrates the distribution of travelers utilizing five distinct modes of transportation within a nation between 1989 and 2009. Each traveler may have utilized multiple modes of transportation.

Overall, it is apparent that car and rail were the predominant choices of transportation throughout the majority of the surveyed years, while ferry usage remained consistently low. Additionally, apart from air travel, the utilization of the other four modes of transportation all exhibited an upward trend.

Beginning with the statistics for car and rail, the percentage of tourists opting for cars started slightly below 50% and steadily increased, peaking at just over 60% in 1999, before experiencing a decline to slightly over 50%. Conversely, approximately 34% of visitors chose rail travel in 1989, ranking third behind air. However, over the subsequent years, rail travel witnessed a remarkable surge in popularity, surpassing air and car travel to become the preferred choice of travelers in 2009, reaching nearly 60%.

Turning to the remaining modes of transportation, in 1989, approximately 40% of tourists favored air travel, nearly four times higher than coach travel, which stood at roughly 10%, while ferry travel was the least favored at about 3%. Between 1989 and 2009, air travel was the only mode of transportation to experience a decline in usage, plummeting to half its initial level in 1989. Conversely, both coach and ferry travel witnessed an increase in popularity, reaching around 28% and 8%, respectively, with ferry travel remaining the least preferred among travelers.