The graph below shows the production levels of the main kinds of fuel in the UK between 1981 and 2000. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the production levels of the main kinds of fuel in the UK between 1981 and 2000.

Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given line graph illustrates the amount of manufacturing degree in terms of the main finds of fuel in the UK, during the period of nineteen years.
At the beginning, it is evident that natural gas witnessed the lowest figures at approximately equal to 40 energy units, compared to the two remaining categories including coal at 80 energy units and Petroleum at roughly 85 energy units. In the next 3 years, there was a dramatic change due to a plummet in the number of coal at lower than 40 energy units. Furthermore, the number of Coal over the following years to 2000 decreased continually causing the lowest position in popularity among the others.
In contrast, the figures for Natural gas increased gradually by 40 energy units from 1981 to 2000, which makes natural gas the second highest in order. Meanwhile, even though Petroleum remained the highest position in terms of energy units, there was still a substantial decline from 1986 to 1990. However, the number of Petroleum rose steadily to the following years at 120 energy units in 2000.

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Errors and Improvements:

"manufacturing degree" -> "production volume"
Explanation: "Manufacturing degree" is an unnatural phrase in this context. "Production volume" is a more suitable term to describe the amount of manufacturing output.
"main finds of fuel" -> "primary sources of fuel"
Explanation: "Main finds of fuel" is unclear and awkward. "Primary sources of fuel" better communicates the intended meaning.
"witnessed the lowest figures at approximately equal to" -> "experienced the lowest figures, approximately equivalent to"
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted and lacks clarity. Using "experienced" and restructuring the sentence improves readability.
"the number of coal" -> "coal consumption"
Explanation: Referring to "the number of coal" is imprecise. "Coal consumption" accurately represents the data being discussed.
"plummet" -> "sharp decline"
Explanation: While "plummet" is not incorrect, "sharp decline" is a more formal and precise alternative, enhancing the essay’s vocabulary.
"popularity among the others" -> "popularity compared to the others"
Explanation: "Popularity among the others" is ambiguous. "Popularity compared to the others" clarifies the comparison being made.
"figures for Natural gas" -> "Natural gas figures"
Explanation: Placing "Natural gas" before "figures" improves readability and conforms to standard English syntax.
"second highest in order" -> "second highest in terms of"
Explanation: "Second highest in order" is awkward. "Second highest in terms of" is more concise and precise.
"remained the highest position" -> "maintained the highest position"
Explanation: "Remained the highest position" is grammatically incorrect. "Maintained the highest position" is the appropriate phrase.
"a substantial decline" -> "a significant decline"
Explanation: "Substantial" can be replaced with "significant" for a more varied and nuanced vocabulary.
"to the following years" -> "in the following years"
Explanation: "To the following years" is incorrect usage. "In the following years" is the appropriate preposition.
"at 120 energy units in 2000" -> "reaching 120 energy units by 2000"
Explanation: "At 120 energy units in 2000" lacks clarity. "Reaching 120 energy units by 2000" specifies the timeframe and quantity more clearly.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in fuel production in the UK between 1981 and 2000. It highlights key features such as the initial lower production of natural gas compared to coal and petroleum, the dramatic decrease in coal production from 1981 to 1984, and the steady increase in natural gas production over the entire period. Additionally, it mentions the fluctuations in petroleum production, with a decline from 1986 to 1990 followed by a steady rise until 2000.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more accurate and relevant data, especially in terms of energy units. It should also aim for clearer organization and language to enhance coherence and cohesion. Additionally, ensuring that the overview encompasses all major trends without focusing too much on specific details would strengthen the response.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, but with noticeable issues that prevent a higher band score. The information is arranged coherently, and there is an overall progression in the discussion from 1981 to 2000. The student uses cohesive devices such as "In contrast" and "Furthermore," which contribute to the linkage of ideas. However, the cohesion between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and the paragraphing is basic, not always enhancing the clarity or the logical flow of information.

Issues such as faulty or unclear referencing ("the number of Coal" is mentioned without clear antecedent in the second instance) detract from the cohesion. There are also instances where cohesive devices could be better utilized to create a smoother narrative flow, and the essay does not consistently maintain a clear central topic within paragraphs, as required for a higher band score.

How to improve:

Enhance paragraphing: Structure the essay into clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, which is developed and supported by subsequent sentences.
Refine the use of cohesive devices: Instead of mechanical usage, the student should aim to use cohesive devices that naturally connect ideas and paragraphs without drawing attention to themselves.
Clarify referencing: Use pronouns and substitutions more effectively to avoid repetition and clarify what is being referred to, making the text easier to follow.
Strengthen topic sentences: Begin each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of the paragraph, helping to maintain a clear central topic throughout.
Review and revise: Re-reading and revising the text to ensure that ideas flow logically from one to another and that the paragraph transitions are smooth can significantly enhance the quality of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. While the essay attempts to convey information about the production levels of different fuels in the UK, it lacks precision and flexibility in vocabulary usage. There are noticeable errors throughout the essay, such as "manufacturing degree" instead of "production levels," "finds of fuel" instead of "kinds of fuel," and "plummet in the number of coal" instead of "plummet in coal production." These errors, along with inconsistent word choices and awkward phrasing, contribute to a lack of clarity and coherence in the essay’s presentation of information.

How to improve:

Expand vocabulary range: Use a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "production levels," "energy units," "decline," "increase," etc.
Improve word choice and accuracy: Ensure accurate and appropriate use of vocabulary to convey precise meanings. For example, use "coal production" instead of "number of coal."
Enhance coherence and clarity: Structure sentences and paragraphs in a more coherent manner to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, proofread carefully to correct spelling and word formation errors that may cause confusion for the reader.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, covering a variety of tenses and sentence forms. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, although some are less accurate than simple ones. The essay communicates the main trends effectively, but there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on improving sentence structure diversity by incorporating more complex sentence forms accurately. Additionally, careful proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation would improve clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph delineates the production levels of the primary types of fuel in the UK over a span of nineteen years. Initially, natural gas exhibited the lowest figures, hovering around 40 energy units, while coal and petroleum registered higher levels, with coal at approximately 80 energy units and petroleum at roughly 85 energy units.

Over the subsequent three years, there was a significant decline in coal production, plummeting to below 40 energy units. This trend continued, with coal production steadily decreasing until it reached its lowest point relative to the other fuels.

Conversely, the production of natural gas experienced a gradual increase, rising by approximately 40 energy units from 1981 to 2000, positioning it as the second-highest in terms of energy units.

Although petroleum maintained its status as the highest producer in terms of energy units, there was a notable decline from 1986 to 1990. However, production rebounded steadily in the subsequent years, reaching 120 energy units by 2000.