The graph below shows unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given graph depicts the proportion of unemployed denizen in Ireland and the number of migrants over a period of two decades, starting with 1988.

Overall, the percentage of the jobless and a host of emigrated individuals in Ireland experienced tremendous growth at the beginning of the period. However, the two objects showed a decline in the final years.

As can be seen from the lines, in terms of emigrants, in 1988, Ireland’s figure climbed quickly and reached a peak of nearly 7,000 leavers before dropping drastically three fold in the next decade. During the following years, the number of this country underwent a sustainable fluctuation, from 500 to 1,000 inhabitants. The end of the period saw a paramount resurgence of emigration, which went up to roughly 42,000 citizens.

Regarding the number of out-of-work Irish, the highest level was witnessed in 1988, approximately 16% of the population being unemployed, and suddenly fell by around 13% in a span of two years later. After hitting a considerable increase in 1992, Ireland’s data plummeted and marked the bottom point at about 4% and saw a consistent rise in six years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "denizen" -> "residents"
   Explanation: "Denizen" is an uncommon and somewhat archaic term for residents or inhabitants. Using "residents" is more straightforward and widely understood.

2. "a host of emigrated individuals" -> "emigrants"
   Explanation: "A host of emigrated individuals" is unnecessarily wordy. "Emigrants" succinctly refers to people who have left their country to live elsewhere.

3. "objects" -> "indicators"
   Explanation: "Objects" is not the most appropriate term here. "Indicators" is more suitable as it refers to the data points being analyzed in the graph.

4. "As can be seen from the lines" -> "As depicted in the graph"
   Explanation: The phrase "As can be seen from the lines" is overly verbose. "As depicted in the graph" is a more concise way to introduce the following analysis.

5. "sustainable fluctuation" -> "moderate fluctuations"
   Explanation: "Sustainable" is not the most precise term here, as it implies a pattern that can be maintained over time. "Moderate fluctuations" more accurately describes the changes in numbers over the years.

6. "resurgence of emigration" -> "surge in emigration"
   Explanation: "Resurgence" typically implies a revival or increase after a period of inactivity. "Surge" better conveys the sudden and significant increase in emigration.

7. "the number of this country" -> "the number of emigrants"
   Explanation: The phrase "the number of this country" is unclear. It should be specified that we are referring to the number of emigrants leaving Ireland.

8. "out-of-work Irish" -> "unemployed Irish"
   Explanation: "Out-of-work Irish" is a colloquial phrase. "Unemployed Irish" is more formal and commonly used in this context.

9. "witnessed in 1988" -> "recorded in 1988"
   Explanation: "Witnessed" is a less formal term. "Recorded" is more appropriate in this context.

10. "bottom point" -> "lowest point"
    Explanation: "Bottom point" is redundant. "Lowest point" is a more concise and appropriate term.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph, including trends in unemployment levels and emigration from Ireland between 1988 and 2008. The overview provided is clear and the key features are highlighted, such as the initial increase and subsequent decrease in emigration, as well as the fluctuations in unemployment levels.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide a more detailed and nuanced analysis of the data. For instance, it could discuss specific years or periods of significant change in more depth. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in data interpretation and language use would strengthen the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with a clear attempt at organizing ideas chronologically and thematically. There is an introduction providing an overview of the data, followed by detailed descriptions of the trends in unemployment and emigration. Paragraphing is evident, though not always logically structured, and there is a mix of cohesive devices used throughout the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the logical flow within and between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas are linked cohesively. Additionally, strive for consistency in the use of cohesive devices and paragraphing to create a smoother progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There is a variety of vocabulary used to describe the data, such as "denizen," "proportion," "emigrated," "climbed quickly," "sustainable fluctuation," and "paramount resurgence." However, there are instances of inaccuracy and awkwardness in word choice and collocation, such as "a host of emigrated individuals" (should be "a host of individuals emigrating" or similar). Some less common lexical items are used, but there are also inaccuracies, like "the number of this country underwent" (should be "the number of people leaving the country underwent"). Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation, like "out-of-work Irish" (should be "unemployed Irish").

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more accurate and precise vocabulary and pay attention to word choice and collocation. Avoid awkward phrasing and ensure that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, work on word formation and ensure that words are used appropriately in the context of the sentence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing an attempt at varied sentence structures. There are instances of complex sentences, such as "Overall, the percentage of the jobless and a host of emigrated individuals in Ireland experienced tremendous growth at the beginning of the period." However, some sentences lack complexity and could benefit from more varied structures to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.

There are several errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as "the proportion of unemployed denizen," which should be "the proportion of unemployed individuals" or "the number of unemployed people." Additionally, "a host of emigrated individuals" could be improved to "a significant number of emigrants." These errors, while not overly distracting, do affect the clarity and precision of the writing.

Overall, the communication is not significantly hindered by these errors, but they do detract from the overall effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences where appropriate. Additionally, pay close attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors. Proofreading and editing the essay thoroughly before submission can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and using more precise language can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph illustrates the unemployment rates in Ireland alongside the number of individuals leaving the country from 1988 to 2008.

In general, both the unemployment rate and emigration figures in Ireland exhibited significant fluctuations over the two-decade period, with initial increases followed by declines towards the end.

Beginning with emigration, Ireland experienced a notable surge in departures in 1988, peaking at nearly 7,000 individuals before sharply decreasing by a factor of three over the next decade. Subsequently, the number of emigrants remained relatively stable, fluctuating between 500 and 1,000 individuals. However, towards the conclusion of the period, there was a substantial resurgence in emigration, reaching approximately 42,000 individuals.

Turning to unemployment, the highest level was observed in 1988, with approximately 16% of the population without work, followed by a rapid decline of around 13% over the subsequent two years. Despite a significant increase in 1992, the unemployment rate then plummeted to approximately 4% before steadily rising over the following six years.