The graph describes average house prices in Sometown in 2005 Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown At least 150 words
The graph describes average house prices in Sometown in 2005
Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown
At least 150 words
Mai Phuong
The line graph elevated Sometown’s housing price in the last 6 months of the year 2005.It is clearly evident that the cost of houses that are bought and unsold houses had fluctuated over the period. Based purely on the graph, the overall prices of unsold properties reach its peak in July with almost 340 thousand dollars. By the next month, the specific stat have a gradual decrease, having 10k less compared to the latter. From August to September, the houses that still on the market still dropping down moderately, approximately 330 thousand dollar and 320 thousand dollar respectively. When starting from September, the specific stat is 320 thousand dollars. After a month went by, the number have a drastic fluctuation, having at least 329 thousand dollars. Then foward to 2 months more, from a dramatic fluctuation, now a slow decline in prices appears. By the end of November, the unsold house has under 330 thousand dollars. This kept going on until the last month of the year, when there is still not a sign of growing. By this time, the number almost reached its depth with having little more than 320k Similarly, the average price of properties that already obtained had varied widely over the period. There has been a slight increase from June to August, the specific stat are 300 thoushand dollar for the former period and 310 thousand dollar for the latter. In the next few months, mean values of obtained house experienced a moderate fall, begin from July to September. At the same year, from September to October, the houses that already sold stood the same. Follow to the next month, the price finally have a sign of great improvement, having about 330 thousand dollar in November. At the last month of the year, the price number have a small increase to approximately 10 thousand dollars more compare to the month before
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Mai Phuong" -> "The author"
Explanation: "Mai Phuong" appears to be a personal name and is not relevant to the academic context of the essay. Replacing it with "The author" maintains anonymity and aligns with academic style. -
"The line graph elevated Sometown’s housing price" -> "The graph illustrates an increase in Sometown’s housing prices"
Explanation: "Elevated" is an unusual and vague term in this context. "Illustrates an increase" is more precise and appropriate for describing the graph’s depiction of data. -
"the cost of houses that are bought and unsold houses" -> "the prices of both sold and unsold houses"
Explanation: "Cost" typically refers to the expense or value of something, whereas "prices" is the correct term for the numerical values of goods or services. Also, "unsold houses" is redundant as it is implied by the context. -
"the specific stat have a gradual decrease" -> "the specific statistic shows a gradual decrease"
Explanation: "Stat" is an informal and incorrect term for "statistic." Using "shows" instead of "have" corrects the verb agreement and enhances clarity. -
"having 10k less" -> "decreasing by 10,000"
Explanation: "Having 10k less" is informal and imprecise. "Decreasing by 10,000" is more formal and provides exact numerical information. -
"houses that still on the market still dropping down" -> "houses still on the market continue to decline"
Explanation: "Dropping down" is an informal idiom and lacks precision. "Continue to decline" is more formal and accurately describes the ongoing decrease in prices. -
"approximately 330 thousand dollar and 320 thousand dollar respectively" -> "approximately $330,000 and $320,000 respectively"
Explanation: Adding dollar signs and commas for thousands improves readability and formality. -
"Then foward to 2 months more" -> "Two months later"
Explanation: "Then foward to 2 months more" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Two months later" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"the number have a drastic fluctuation" -> "the prices experienced a drastic fluctuation"
Explanation: "The number" is vague and incorrect in this context. "Prices" is the correct subject and "experienced" is the appropriate verb. -
"Then foward to 2 months more" -> "Two months later"
Explanation: See previous explanation. -
"the unsold house has under 330 thousand dollars" -> "the unsold houses are priced at less than $330,000"
Explanation: "Has under" is incorrect and informal. "Are priced at less than" is more precise and formal. -
"This kept going on until the last month of the year" -> "This trend continued throughout the year"
Explanation: "This kept going on" is informal and vague. "This trend continued" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"the number almost reached its depth with having little more than 320k" -> "the prices nearly reached their lowest point, at around $320,000"
Explanation: "The number" is vague and "reached its depth" is incorrect. "The prices nearly reached their lowest point" is more precise and formal. -
"Similarly, the average price of properties that already obtained" -> "Similarly, the average price of already sold properties"
Explanation: "Properties that already obtained" is awkward and unclear. "Already sold properties" is straightforward and clearer. -
"mean values of obtained house experienced a moderate fall" -> "average prices of sold houses experienced a moderate decline"
Explanation: "Mean values of obtained house" is awkward and unclear. "Average prices of sold houses" is more precise and grammatically correct. -
"At the same year" -> "In the same year"
Explanation: "At the same year" is grammatically incorrect. "In the same year" is the correct prepositional phrase. -
"Follow to the next month" -> "Following the next month"
Explanation: "Follow to" is grammatically incorrect. "Following" is the correct form of the verb. -
"the price finally have a sign of great improvement" -> "the prices finally showed significant improvement"
Explanation: "Have a sign of great improvement" is awkward and informal. "Showed significant improvement" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"having about 330 thousand dollar" -> "approximately $330,000"
Explanation: "Having about 330 thousand dollar" is informal and lacks clarity. "Approximately $330,000" is precise and formal.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay focuses on details rather than the overall trends.
How to improve: The essay should present a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on the key features of the data, rather than just listing details. For example, the essay could state that the average price of unsold houses peaked in July and then declined steadily until the end of the year. The essay could also state that the average price of sold houses increased from June to August and then declined steadily until the end of the year.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to describe the trends in house prices, the structure is somewhat disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate. There are instances of repetition, particularly in the phrases used to describe price changes, which detracts from the clarity of the report. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some paragraphs lacking a clear central topic. Overall, while the essay conveys some relevant information, it does not meet the criteria for a higher band score due to its organizational issues and limited cohesion.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that encapsulate the main idea. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately will help to connect ideas more fluidly. Improving the logical flow of information by ensuring that each point builds on the previous one will also contribute to a more coherent structure. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring that all numerical data is presented clearly will improve overall clarity.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the graph, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "thoushand" instead of "thousand") and word formation (e.g., "the specific stat" instead of "the specific statistic"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the number have a drastic fluctuation" indicates a lack of control over grammatical structures. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the lexical resource is insufficient to achieve a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to housing prices and trends. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items can help avoid repetition. Additionally, attention should be given to spelling and grammatical accuracy, as well as the correct use of collocations (e.g., "the prices experienced a decline" instead of "the prices have under"). Reading more academic reports or analyses can also provide exposure to sophisticated vocabulary and phrasing that can be applied in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the specific stat" and "the number have a drastic fluctuation" contain grammatical inaccuracies that detract from clarity. Additionally, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety, which affects the overall coherence of the report.
How to improve:
- Expand Grammatical Range: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences and subordinate clauses. This will enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
- Proofreading for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. For instance, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage.
- Use of Vocabulary: Vary the vocabulary used to describe trends and data. Instead of repeating phrases like "the specific stat," consider using synonyms or rephrasing for clarity.
- Clarity and Coherence: Focus on ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and make the report easier to follow.
Bài sửa mẫu
The line graph illustrates Sometown’s housing prices over the last six months of 2005. It is clearly evident that the cost of both sold and unsold houses fluctuated during this period.
Based purely on the graph, the overall prices of unsold properties peaked in July at almost 340 thousand dollars. By the following month, this figure experienced a gradual decrease, dropping by 10 thousand dollars. From August to September, the prices of houses still on the market continued to decline moderately, reaching approximately 330 thousand dollars and 320 thousand dollars, respectively. Starting from September, the specific figure was 320 thousand dollars. After a month, the number showed a drastic fluctuation, rising to at least 329 thousand dollars. Then, over the next two months, following this dramatic fluctuation, a slow decline in prices became apparent. By the end of November, the price of unsold houses fell below 330 thousand dollars. This trend continued until the last month of the year, when there were still no signs of growth. By this time, the figure had almost reached its lowest point, with just over 320 thousand dollars.
Similarly, the average price of properties that had already been sold varied widely over the period. There was a slight increase from June to August, with the specific figures being 300 thousand dollars for the former month and 310 thousand dollars for the latter. In the following months, the mean values of sold houses experienced a moderate decline, beginning from July to September. During the same year, from September to October, the prices of sold houses remained stable. In the following month, the price finally showed signs of significant improvement, reaching about 330 thousand dollars in November. In the last month of the year, the price increased slightly by approximately 10 thousand dollars compared to the previous month.
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