The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart illustrated about gender gym membership in the period of 30 years from 1980 to 2010.
Overall, it can be seen that there were significant changes in both gender who bought annual gym accout from the time shown. The number of women own gym membership witnessed a gradual rising. In contrast, those of men had fluctuated before plummeted
From 1980 to 1990, the men whose gym membercard was double compare to women. However, the proportion of both gender who use gym member ship was equal at nearly 2500 people. In 1995, women went to the gym was at 3000 compared to men only at 1700.
After increasing dramatically to 5000 people per year, the figure of gym membership’s men had a bottom at less than 1000 people in 2010. as opposed to the figure of those female membership, it fluctuated and reached 2000 members in the end of period which is two fold compare to the beginning

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The chart illustrated about" -> "The chart illustrates"
   Explanation: "Illustrated" is the past tense of "illustrate," which is incorrect in this context. "Illustrates" is the correct form to use when referring to a chart in the present tense.

2. "both gender who bought annual gym accout" -> "both genders who purchased annual gym memberships"
   Explanation: "Gym accout" is a typographical error and should be "gym memberships." Additionally, "bought" is too informal for academic writing; "purchased" is more appropriate. The plural form "genders" is also necessary for grammatical correctness.

3. "The number of women own gym membership witnessed a gradual rising." -> "The number of women owning gym memberships experienced a gradual increase."
   Explanation: "Own gym membership" is grammatically incorrect; "owning gym memberships" is the correct form. "Witnessed a gradual rising" is awkward and incorrect; "experienced a gradual increase" is more natural and precise.

4. "those of men had fluctuated before plummeted" -> "the number of men fluctuated before plummeting"
   Explanation: "Those of men" is awkward and unclear. "The number of men" is more direct and appropriate. "Plummeted" should be used as a gerund to fit the sentence structure.

5. "men whose gym membercard was double compare to women" -> "the number of men with gym memberships was double that of women"
   Explanation: "Whose gym membercard was double compare to women" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the comparison and corrects the grammar.

6. "the proportion of both gender who use gym member ship" -> "the proportion of both genders using gym memberships"
   Explanation: "Both gender" should be "both genders" for grammatical correctness. "Use gym member ship" is awkward and should be "using gym memberships" for clarity and correctness.

7. "women went to the gym was at 3000 compared to men only at 1700" -> "the number of women who went to the gym was 3000, compared to 1700 for men"
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision clarifies the comparison and corrects the grammar.

8. "the figure of gym membership’s men had a bottom at less than 1000 people" -> "the number of men’s gym memberships reached a low of less than 1000"
   Explanation: "Had a bottom" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Reached a low" is more formal and appropriate.

9. "as opposed to the figure of those female membership, it fluctuated and reached 2000 members in the end of period which is two fold compare to the beginning" -> "in contrast, the number of female memberships fluctuated and reached 2000 by the end of the period, which was twice that of the beginning"
   Explanation: "The end of period" is vague and should be "by the end of the period." "Two fold compare to" is grammatically incorrect and should be "twice that of." The revision clarifies and corrects these issues.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the data to support the description is not always accurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of men with gym memberships increased dramatically from 1980 to 1995, before plummeting to a low point in 2010. The essay could also provide more accurate data to support its claims. For example, the essay states that the number of women with gym memberships was "two fold compare to the beginning" in 2010. However, the graph shows that the number of women with gym memberships in 2010 was only slightly higher than the number in 1980.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the gym membership trends between genders, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases being repetitive or inaccurately used. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively structured, as the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clear topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph has a distinct central idea. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring they accurately reflect the relationships between ideas would strengthen the essay. Finally, organizing the essay into well-defined paragraphs that follow a logical sequence will help improve clarity and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the graph, there are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the men whose gym membercard was double compare to women," which is awkwardly phrased and unclear. Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "accout" instead of "account" and "member ship" instead of "membership." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise language. They should also pay attention to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that impede communication. Incorporating less common lexical items correctly and ensuring appropriate collocation will also contribute to a higher score. Practicing paraphrasing and using synonyms can help in achieving greater lexical variety and sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts often lack accuracy. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("witnessed a gradual rising" should be "witnessed a gradual rise") and awkward phrasing ("the men whose gym membercard was double compare to women" should be "the number of men with gym memberships was double that of women"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, and some sentences are unclear, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the information being conveyed.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing sentence structures and verb forms. They should also aim to use a wider variety of sentence types and ensure that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Proofreading the essay for punctuation and clarity will help reduce errors and enhance overall communication. Expanding vocabulary and practicing the use of cohesive devices can also contribute to a more coherent and fluid essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates gender gym membership over a 30-year period from 1980 to 2010. Overall, it can be seen that there were significant changes in both genders who purchased annual gym memberships during this time. The number of women with gym memberships experienced a gradual increase, while the number of men fluctuated before ultimately declining.

From 1980 to 1990, the number of men with gym memberships was double that of women. However, the proportion of both genders using gym memberships was equal at nearly 2,500 people. By 1995, the number of women attending the gym had risen to 3,000, compared to only 1,700 men.

After a dramatic increase to 5,000 people per year, the number of male gym members fell to less than 1,000 by 2010. In contrast, the number of female gym members fluctuated and reached 2,000 by the end of the period, which is double the figure at the beginning.