The graphs below show the cinema attendants in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table illustrates the percentage of attendance and the rate of frequency go to cinema from 1994 to 2002 and the line describes the average people go to cinema allocated by age group.
Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of people attending the cinema increased, whereas the number of average visits the cinema witnessed a downward trend. In additional, all of age group followed a same fluctuation trend, in which the elderly (over 50 years old) always on top, followed by 35-49 years old, 25-34 years old and the last is 14-24 years old.
Regarding the attendance to cinema, the starting with 67% in 1994, this figure has significant increased to 72% in the next two year, although it had a small drop in 2000, it still kept 72% in 2002. Moreover, the frequently of movie-goer with 10.7 initial, then a leap to 11.3 in 1996, experienced a decline to 8.3 in1998, this figure has a light raised to 8.4 from 2000 to 2002.
In term of the average cinema visits by age group, it can be seen that in over the period, the age group of over 50 years old always has the highest among 4 age groups, there are 12 cinema visits in 1994, this number experienced a strong fluctuation and finally achieved at 9 people in 2002. Similar with this trend, the age group of 25-49 and 25-34 had the average of movie-goer were 10 and 9 perceptively, two of these group achieved 9 in 2002. The group standed at the lowest of the number of average cinema visits is 14-24 years old, which started with 8 people and then achieved 7 in 2002.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"rate of frequency go to cinema" -> "frequency of cinema attendance"
Explanation: "rate of frequency go to cinema" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Frequency of cinema attendance" is a more concise and accurate phrase to describe how often people go to the cinema.
"In additional" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "In additional" contains a grammatical error. "In addition" is the correct phrase to indicate additional information.
"all of age group" -> "all age groups"
Explanation: "all of age group" is grammatically incorrect. "All age groups" is the appropriate term to refer to multiple age categories.
"followed a same fluctuation trend" -> "followed a similar fluctuation trend"
Explanation: "a same fluctuation trend" is awkward and imprecise. "Similar" better conveys the idea of a comparable trend.
"the starting with 67%" -> "starting at 67%"
Explanation: "the starting with 67%" lacks clarity. "Starting at 67%" specifies the initial percentage more clearly.
"significant increased" -> "significantly increased"
Explanation: "significant increased" lacks proper grammar. "Significantly increased" is the correct form to convey a substantial rise.
"although it had a small drop" -> "despite a slight decline"
Explanation: "although it had a small drop" is awkward. "Despite a slight decline" is a smoother way to express the same idea.
"Moreover, the frequently of movie-goer" -> "Furthermore, the frequency of cinema attendance"
Explanation: "the frequently of movie-goer" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. "Frequency of cinema attendance" is a clearer and more precise term.
"this figure has a light raised" -> "this figure experienced a slight increase"
Explanation: "this figure has a light raised" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "This figure experienced a slight increase" is a clearer and more precise expression.
"In term of" -> "In terms of"
Explanation: "In term of" contains a grammatical error. "In terms of" is the correct phrase to introduce a discussion of different aspects or categories.
"over the period" -> "over the period of time"
Explanation: "over the period" lacks specificity. "Over the period of time" provides a clearer indication of the time frame being discussed.
"has the highest among 4 age groups" -> "has the highest among the four age groups"
Explanation: "4" should be spelled out as "four" for formal writing. Additionally, "among 4 age groups" should be "among the four age groups" for clarity.
"there are 12 cinema visits" -> "there were 12 cinema visits"
Explanation: "there are 12 cinema visits" should be in past tense to maintain consistency with the time frame being discussed.
"perceptively" -> "respectively"
Explanation: "perceptively" means in a way that is discernible or noticeable, which doesn’t fit the context. "Respectively" is used to indicate that the following items refer to previously mentioned ones in the same order.
"two of these group achieved 9" -> "two of these groups achieved 9"
Explanation: "group" should be plural to match "two."
"The group standed at the lowest" -> "The group stood at the lowest"
Explanation: "standed" is a grammatical error. "Stood" is the correct past tense form of "stand."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

[
Band Score: 4

Explanation: This essay attempts to address the task by discussing both the cinema attendants and the average cinema visits by different age groups. However, it does not adequately cover all key features, and the descriptions are generally unclear and lack accuracy. The structure of the essay is disorganized, making it challenging to discern the main trends and comparisons. Additionally, there are many grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and inaccurate statements, which further complicate the clarity of the response.

How to improve:

Clearly outline the main features, ensuring they are correct and well-organized.
Present a structured overview that captures the key trends and relationships.
Use appropriate and accurate vocabulary and grammar to avoid confusion.
Reduce repetitive or irrelevant details that detract from the main points.
Make clear comparisons where relevant, illustrating them with precise data points.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization by summarizing the data from the graphs. It provides an overview of the trends in cinema attendance and average visits by different age groups over the period. However, there are several issues with coherence and cohesion. The transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt, and there is a lack of clear progression in some parts. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hinder clarity.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that ideas flow logically and there is a clear progression throughout the essay. Work on using cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Also, pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability. Finally, consider revising the introduction and conclusion to better frame the main features and comparisons of the data.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, often using repetitive or basic terms. There is an attempt to convey information, but it lacks sophistication and precision. Some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are noticeable and may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, including more specific and precise terms related to the topic. Avoid repetitive phrases and basic vocabulary. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to ensure clarity and accuracy. Additionally, aim for smoother transitions between ideas to improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, attempting to convey the information about cinema attendance and visits by different age groups. It includes a variety of sentence forms, but there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the percentage of people attending the cinema increased, whereas the number of average visits the cinema witnessed a downward trend"), article usage ("the average people go to cinema allocated by age group"), and verb tense consistency ("this figure has significant increased," "there are 12 cinema visits in 1994"). Additionally, there are some awkward phrasings and word choices that impede clarity and coherence.

How to improve:

Focus on grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency.
Aim for clearer and more precise expressions to enhance coherence and readability.
Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors in grammar and punctuation.
Use a wider range of sentence structures to add variety and sophistication to the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data outlines the evolution of cinema attendance percentages and average visits from 1994 to 2002, alongside demographic breakdowns. Overall, while cinema attendance saw an upward trajectory, average visits exhibited a declining pattern. Across age groups, those aged over 50 consistently held the highest attendance rates, followed by the 35-49 age bracket, then 25-34, with the 14-24 group reporting the lowest attendance.

In terms of cinema attendance, there was a notable increase from 67% in 1994 to 72% by 1996, maintaining this level until 2002 despite a slight dip in 2000. Conversely, the frequency of visits per movie-goer started at 10.7, surged to 11.3 in 1996, but then decreased to 8.3 in 1998, before a marginal increase to 8.4 from 2000 to 2002.

Analyzing average cinema visits by age group reveals that those over 50 consistently led with 12 visits in 1994, fluctuating to reach 9 visits by 2002. Similarly, the 35-49 and 25-34 age groups began at 10 and 9 visits, respectively, both converging to 9 visits by 2002. The youngest group, aged 14-24, reported the lowest average visits, starting at 8 and declining to 7 by 2002.