The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country

the bar charts illustrate the proportion of films were released and the share of ticket discounts in a region between 1996 and 2006
overall there was an increase in drama, comedy and romance film over the period, while romance film was levelled – off. In addiotion, the percentage of ticket sales was the highest rise over the period
the share of drama film which manufactured in a region started at around 25%, after which it experienced a rised in 35% in 2000. Similar change, but to lesser extent, the data of comedy and fantastic movie was at 25% and around 12% in 1996, followed by a slight increased to 25% and about 16% in 2000. The figure of romantic movie remained unchanged around 5% at the end of period
the proportion of ticket sales in drama film rised slightly was at over 15% and the ending period was at 17% in 2000 . Similarly, but to greater extent, the statastics of comedy was the highest ticket discounts from 20% in 1996 to 23% in 2000., 3% fantastic, with a subsequent slightly rise in 3% to 7% at the end of period. Opposite trend was seen in romantic movie which declined from 5% in 1996 to 2% in 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the proportion of films were released" -> "the proportion of films released"
Explanation: Removing "were" makes the sentence grammatically correct. The verb "released" already indicates the action, so "were" is redundant.
"while romance film was levelled – off" -> "while the proportion of romance films remained stable"
Explanation: "Levelled-off" is not the correct term to describe stability in this context. "Remained stable" is a clearer and more appropriate phrase to convey the idea of no change.
"the percentage of ticket sales was the highest rise" -> "the percentage of ticket sales experienced the greatest increase"
Explanation: "Highest rise" is awkward and imprecise. "Experienced the greatest increase" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"the share of drama film which manufactured" -> "the proportion of drama films produced"
Explanation: "Manufactured" is not the appropriate term for films. "Produced" is a more accurate and fitting term in this context.
"after which it experienced a rised" -> "after which it experienced a rise"
Explanation: "Rised" is a misspelling of "rise." Correcting the spelling improves the accuracy and readability of the sentence.
"but to lesser extent" -> "but to a lesser extent"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "lesser extent" makes the phrase grammatically correct. It enhances clarity and maintains proper syntax.
"the data of comedy and fantastic movie" -> "the data for comedy and fantasy films"
Explanation: "Fantastic movie" is imprecise and should be replaced with "fantasy films" for clarity and accuracy.
"the ending period" -> "the end of the period"
Explanation: "Ending period" lacks clarity. "End of the period" is a clearer and more precise expression.
"rised slightly was at over" -> "rose slightly to over"
Explanation: "Rised slightly was at over" is awkward and incorrect. "Rose slightly to over" provides a more accurate and grammatically correct description of the increase.
"the statastics of comedy" -> "the statistics for comedy"
Explanation: "Statastics" is a misspelling of "statistics." Correcting the spelling improves the accuracy and professionalism of the text.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by describing the trends in film releases and ticket sales between 1996 and 2006. It provides some key features, such as the increase in drama, comedy, and romance films, and the steady percentage of romance films. However, the overview is not clear, and some details are inaccurate or unclear. For example, the essay mentions a "share of ticket discounts," which is not relevant to the task. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and issues with sentence structure throughout the essay.
How to improve:
To improve, focus on providing a clear overview of the main trends in film releases and ticket sales. Ensure that key features are accurately presented and that the information is relevant to the task. Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay presents information regarding the percentage of films released and ticket sales in 1996 and 2006, but it lacks coherence and cohesion. The organization of ideas is unclear, and there is no clear progression in the response. Additionally, the essay lacks proper paragraphing, which makes it difficult to follow.

How to improve:

Organization: Start with an introduction that provides an overview of the trends observed in the graphs. Then, organize the body paragraphs logically, addressing each trend separately.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitions, and pronouns to connect ideas within and between sentences. This will help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and follows a logical sequence. This will make the essay easier to read and understand.
Grammar and Vocabulary: Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage to ensure clarity and accuracy in conveying information. Avoid errors in tense usage and word choice to enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with basic word choices and repetitive language. There are several inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, leading to confusion and strain for the reader. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource, focus on expanding vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely. Use a wider range of vocabulary with appropriate word choice and collocation. Pay close attention to spelling and word formation to enhance clarity and readability. Practice writing essays with a variety of topics to familiarize yourself with different lexical items and improve overall language proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay displays a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in grammar and punctuation. The sentence structure tends to be simplistic, lacking complexity. Errors are predominant throughout the essay, affecting clarity and coherence. Punctuation is often faulty, further impeding comprehension.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on utilizing a wider variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. Pay close attention to grammar and punctuation rules to minimize errors. Practice constructing clear and coherent sentences to improve overall communication. Additionally, ensure consistency in verb tense and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts depict the distribution of film releases and ticket sales percentages in a particular region during the years 1996 and 2006.

Overall, there was an upward trend in the genres of drama, comedy, and fantasy films over the given period, whereas the proportion of romance films remained relatively stable. Additionally, there was a notable increase in the percentage of ticket sales during this timeframe.

The share of drama films produced in the region began at approximately 25% in 1996, experiencing a rise to around 35% by the year 2000. Similarly, comedy and fantasy films started at 25% and approximately 12% respectively in 1996, with a slight increase to 25% and about 16% for comedy, and a minor rise for fantasy films to around 16% by 2000. The proportion of romance films remained steady at around 5% throughout the period.

Regarding ticket sales, the percentage attributed to drama films experienced a slight increase, starting at just over 15% in 1996 and reaching 17% by 2000. Conversely, comedy films witnessed a more substantial rise in ticket sales, from 20% in 1996 to 23% by 2000, with fantasy films increasing from 3% to 7% over the same period. In contrast, the percentage of ticket sales for romance films declined from 5% in 1996 to 2% in 2000.