The impact of economic development is essential to ending world poverty and hunger while others think that the environment is being harmed because of economic expansion and must stop. From my perspective, I partly agree with this view.

On the one hand, economic expansion is one of the benefits due to it can increase job opportunities for people who are in poverty and hunger. When the economy grows, businesses expand and welcome more new employees to reduce unemployment and provide income and finances for individuals or families, thereby reducing poverty in the world. Another reason is that economic growth is better for everyone because people’s higher standards of living will develop. When the economy grows, the governments often use that money to invest in public services, education, and health care,…

On the other hand, economic growth also has an impact on the environment.TIt can degrade the environment due to humans overexploit natural resources, deforestation causes pollution. For that reason, it can damage ecosystems and human life. The second reason why the economy should not grow faster is because they will change the world’s climate. When factories or companies emit greenhouse gasses, they will be the main cause of climate change in the world. This will seriously affect food security, increasing the poverty rate.

In conclusion, the benefits of economic growth cannot be denied. It helps people eliminate hunger and reduce poverty, develop education or services. However, we still keep the environment clean so as not to affect environmental problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The impact of economic development is essential to ending world poverty and hunger" -> "The impact of economic development is crucial for addressing global poverty and hunger"
Explanation: Replacing "essential" with "crucial" provides a more precise and formal tone, and "addressing" is more specific than "ending," which can imply a more definitive outcome that may not always be achievable.
"others think that the environment is being harmed because of economic expansion and must stop" -> "some argue that environmental degradation is a consequence of economic expansion and advocate for its mitigation"
Explanation: "Some argue" is a more precise and formal way to refer to opposing views, and "environmental degradation" is a more specific term than "the environment is being harmed." Additionally, "advocate for its mitigation" is more academically appropriate than "must stop," which is too absolute and informal.
"due to it can increase" -> "because it can increase"
Explanation: "Due to it can increase" is grammatically incorrect. "Because it can increase" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains formal tone.
"reduce unemployment and provide income and finances for individuals or families" -> "reduce unemployment and provide financial support to individuals and families"
Explanation: "Financial support" is a more precise term than "income and finances," which is vague and redundant. This change also enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"people’s higher standards of living will develop" -> "people’s standards of living will improve"
Explanation: "Will develop" is awkward and unclear in this context. "Will improve" is more direct and appropriate for describing changes in living standards.
"TIt can degrade the environment due to humans overexploit natural resources, deforestation causes pollution." -> "It can degrade the environment due to human overexploitation of natural resources and deforestation, which causes pollution."
Explanation: Corrects the typo "TIt" to "It" and rephrases for clarity and formality. "Human overexploitation" is a more precise term than "humans overexploit," and the addition of "which causes pollution" clarifies the causal relationship.
"the economy should not grow faster" -> "the economy should not expand at a faster rate"
Explanation: "Expand at a faster rate" is a more precise and formal way to describe economic growth, replacing the less formal "grow faster."
"they will change the world’s climate" -> "they will alter the global climate"
Explanation: "Alter" is a more precise term than "change" in this context, and "global" is more appropriate than "world’s" for referring to the planet’s climate.
"This will seriously affect food security, increasing the poverty rate" -> "This will significantly impact food security and exacerbate poverty"
Explanation: "Significantly impact" is more formal than "seriously affect," and "exacerbate" is a more precise term than "increasing the poverty rate," which is vague and informal.
"we still keep the environment clean" -> "we must maintain environmental sustainability"
Explanation: "Maintain environmental sustainability" is a more formal and precise way to express the need to preserve the environment, replacing the informal and vague "keep the environment clean."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding economic development and its impact on poverty and the environment. The first paragraph outlines the benefits of economic growth, while the second paragraph discusses its detrimental effects on the environment. However, the phrase "partly agree" is not fully explored, leading to a lack of depth in the argument. The essay mentions both perspectives but does not clearly articulate the nuances of the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly state the conditions under which they agree or disagree with the viewpoints presented. For instance, they could elaborate on specific scenarios where economic growth is beneficial while also discussing potential solutions to mitigate environmental harm.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay starts with a clear indication of the writer’s stance by stating that they "partly agree" with the view presented in the prompt. However, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the benefits of economic growth but does not adequately reflect the complexity of the writer’s position regarding the need for environmental protection.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently refer back to their stance in each paragraph. They could use transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint, such as "While I acknowledge the necessity of economic growth, it is crucial to consider…" This would help in making their position more coherent and evident.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to economic growth and environmental degradation. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For example, the mention of job creation and improved public services is a good start, but these points could be further elaborated with examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Similarly, the environmental concerns are raised but lack depth in explanation.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on poverty reduction linked to economic growth or specific case studies illustrating environmental degradation due to industrial expansion. Additionally, discussing potential solutions or compromises could further enrich the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s key issues of economic development, poverty, and environmental concerns. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph, where the connection between economic growth and environmental degradation could be more explicitly tied back to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question posed in the prompt. They could use topic sentences that clearly link back to the main argument, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to a cohesive response to the question.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The first paragraph effectively outlines the author’s perspective, while the subsequent paragraphs provide supporting arguments for both economic growth and environmental concerns. However, the transition between points could be smoother; for example, the shift from discussing job opportunities to the benefits of economic growth could be more clearly delineated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Moreover") can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph lacks a clear separation of ideas. The mention of deforestation and pollution could be better organized to enhance clarity. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more impactful if it reiterated the balance between economic growth and environmental protection.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and that supporting details are clearly connected to that idea. Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate sentences or even additional paragraphs if necessary. In the conclusion, rephrase the main arguments to reinforce the essay’s overall message and provide a stronger closing statement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "For that reason" could be better linked to the preceding sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Consequently," "As a result," "In addition," "Nevertheless"). This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and avoid confusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing economic concepts and their implications. Phrases like "economic expansion," "job opportunities," and "higher standards of living" show an attempt to use topic-specific language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "economic growth" and "poverty," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "economic growth," alternatives like "economic development," "financial progress," or "economic advancement" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more varied adjectives and adverbs could help convey nuanced meanings, such as "sustainable economic growth" or "significantly reduce poverty."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "due to it can increase job opportunities" is awkward and unclear. The use of "overexploit" is also somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more precise term like "overexploitation." Additionally, the phrase "the economy should not grow faster" lacks clarity regarding what "faster" refers to in this context.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary choices accurately convey the intended meaning. For instance, rephrasing "due to it can increase job opportunities" to "because it can create more job opportunities" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, using terms like "unsustainable practices" instead of "overexploit" would improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect the overall impression. For example, "TIt" is a typographical error, and "gasses" should be "gases." Additionally, "deforestation causes pollution" could be misinterpreted without proper punctuation, as it reads awkwardly. Such errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with academic vocabulary can further improve spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in variety, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "economic expansion is one of the benefits due to it can increase job opportunities" and "the governments often use that money to invest in public services" show a reliance on straightforward constructions. While the ideas are clear, the lack of complex structures limits the depth of expression and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "economic expansion is one of the benefits due to it can increase job opportunities," a more complex structure could be: "One significant benefit of economic expansion is its potential to increase job opportunities, particularly for those living in poverty." Additionally, using relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions can help diversify sentence construction.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "due to it can increase job opportunities" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "because it can increase job opportunities." Furthermore, there are punctuation errors such as "environment.TIt" where a space is missing after the period, and the sentence "deforestation causes pollution" lacks clarity as it is presented without sufficient context or conjunctions. The use of commas is also inconsistent, particularly in longer sentences where clauses are joined.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning sentence structure and conjunction usage. Practicing sentence combining exercises can help in this regard. For punctuation, the writer should focus on proper spacing after punctuation marks and the use of commas to separate clauses. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and relevant points, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The impact of economic development is crucial for addressing global poverty and hunger, while others argue that environmental degradation is a consequence of economic expansion and advocate for its mitigation. From my perspective, I partly agree with this view.

On the one hand, economic expansion offers significant benefits, as it can increase job opportunities for those living in poverty and facing hunger. When the economy grows, businesses expand and welcome new employees, which helps to reduce unemployment and provide financial support to individuals and families, thereby alleviating poverty worldwide. Another reason is that economic growth can enhance people’s standards of living. When the economy flourishes, governments often allocate funds to invest in public services, education, and healthcare, which further improves overall quality of life.

On the other hand, economic growth also has a detrimental impact on the environment. It can degrade the environment due to human overexploitation of natural resources and deforestation, which causes pollution. For this reason, it can damage ecosystems and threaten human life. Additionally, the economy should not expand at a faster rate because it can alter the global climate. When factories or companies emit greenhouse gases, they become a primary driver of climate change. This will significantly impact food security and exacerbate poverty.

In conclusion, the benefits of economic growth cannot be denied. It helps to eliminate hunger, reduce poverty, and improve education and services. However, we must maintain environmental sustainability to prevent further environmental issues.