The importance of learning a foreign language
The importance of learning a foreign language
In the modern life today, learning a foreign language plays a significant role. The first reason why it is vital is now, when the economy is developing, almost everything is written in a foreign language such as Chinese or English. Therefore, if you don’t want to be left behind with your literacy, you should know at least one foreign language. In addition, the more developed our country becomes, the more attention the employers pay to your qualification. Being good at others countrys’ language will give you more job opportunities. As you know, nowadays, even venders who just sell flowers, snacks, or bread on the street can understand English. In conclusion, you must know at least one foreign language.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In the modern life today" -> "In contemporary life"
Explanation: "In the modern life today" is redundant and informal. "In contemporary life" is more concise and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing. -
"plays a significant role" -> "plays a crucial role"
Explanation: "Significant" is somewhat vague; "crucial" conveys a stronger, more precise meaning that is more appropriate for academic contexts where emphasis is needed. -
"now, when the economy is developing" -> "currently, as the economy is developing"
Explanation: "Now" is too informal and conversational for academic writing. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic texts. -
"almost everything is written in a foreign language such as Chinese or English" -> "much of the written content is in languages such as Chinese or English"
Explanation: "Almost everything" is too absolute and informal. "Much of the written content" is more precise and avoids exaggeration, which is preferred in academic writing. -
"if you don’t want to be left behind with your literacy" -> "to avoid being disadvantaged in literacy"
Explanation: "Don’t" is too informal and conversational for academic writing. "To avoid being disadvantaged" is more formal and precise. -
"you should know at least one foreign language" -> "it is advisable to be proficient in at least one foreign language"
Explanation: "You should know" is too direct and informal. "It is advisable to be proficient in" is more formal and suggests a higher level of capability. -
"the more developed our country becomes" -> "the more developed the country becomes"
Explanation: "Our" is too personal and informal for academic writing. "The" is more neutral and appropriate for formal texts. -
"the more attention the employers pay to your qualification" -> "the greater the attention employers accord to qualifications"
Explanation: "The more attention the employers pay to your qualification" is awkwardly phrased and informal. "The greater the attention employers accord to qualifications" is more formal and avoids the possessive pronoun "your," which is less appropriate in this context. -
"Being good at others countrys’ language" -> "Proficiency in languages of other countries"
Explanation: "Being good at others countrys’ language" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Proficiency in languages of other countries" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone. -
"even venders who just sell flowers, snacks, or bread on the street can understand English" -> "even vendors selling flowers, snacks, or bread on the street can understand English"
Explanation: "Venders" is misspelled and "just" is too informal. "Vendors selling" corrects the spelling and removes the informal adverb "just." -
"you must know at least one foreign language" -> "it is essential to be proficient in at least one foreign language"
Explanation: "You must know" is too direct and informal. "It is essential to be proficient in" is more formal and emphasizes the necessity of proficiency.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt regarding the importance of learning a foreign language, but it does so in a limited manner. The author mentions two reasons: the necessity for literacy in a globalized economy and the job opportunities that come from knowing a foreign language. However, the discussion is superficial and lacks depth. The essay does not explore additional aspects of language learning, such as cultural understanding or personal development, which are also significant parts of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to cover more dimensions of the topic. This could include discussing the cognitive benefits of learning a language, the role of language in fostering international relationships, or its impact on personal growth. Expanding the discussion to include these elements would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that learning a foreign language is essential. However, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. While the introduction states the significance of language learning, the conclusion merely reiterates the need without synthesizing the arguments made. This results in a lack of cohesion in the essay’s overall message.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the central argument. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the main idea of each paragraph and by concluding each section with a sentence that links back to the overall thesis. Additionally, a more robust conclusion that summarizes the key points and reinforces the importance of learning a foreign language would strengthen the position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack sufficient development and support. For instance, the statement about employers valuing foreign language skills is made, but it is not backed up with examples or evidence, such as statistics or anecdotes. The essay relies on generalizations without providing specific details that could enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, data, or quotes that illustrate the points made. For example, citing studies that show the advantages of bilingualism in the job market or providing personal anecdotes about how learning a language has opened opportunities could make the arguments more compelling. Additionally, elaborating on each point with explanations would help to extend the ideas presented.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of learning a foreign language. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain statements is questionable, such as the mention of street vendors understanding English, which feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the broader importance of language learning.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. It would be beneficial to avoid tangential examples that do not contribute to the overall argument. Instead, the writer could choose more relevant examples that directly illustrate the benefits of learning a foreign language in various contexts, such as education, travel, or cultural exchange.
Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires significant development in terms of depth, clarity, and support to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of learning a foreign language, but the organization could be improved. The introduction states the significance of the topic, followed by two main reasons supporting this claim. However, the transition between the reasons is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow. For example, the shift from discussing the economic necessity of foreign languages to job opportunities lacks a clear connective statement that would guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly link ideas. For instance, after discussing the economic aspect, a sentence like "Furthermore, this economic necessity translates into increased job opportunities" could create a smoother transition. Additionally, structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion can help maintain a logical progression of ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks distinct paragraphs, which can hinder readability and clarity. Currently, all ideas are presented in a single block of text, making it difficult for the reader to identify separate points. Effective paragraphing would allow each reason to be developed in its own section, providing space for examples and explanations.
- How to improve: Implementing a clear paragraph structure is essential. Start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the main argument, followed by separate body paragraphs for each reason. Each body paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the economic benefits of learning a foreign language, while another could discuss job opportunities.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore" and "in addition," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and the essay could benefit from a more varied use of linking words and phrases. For example, the phrase "As you know" is somewhat informal and does not contribute to the academic tone of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "In contrast" to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are appropriate for the context and maintain an academic tone. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in various contexts can help improve this aspect of writing.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of foreign language learning. Words such as "significant," "vital," "developing," and "qualification" indicate an understanding of the subject matter. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly with phrases like "foreign language" and "developed." The use of "venders" instead of "vendors" also detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "foreign language," alternatives like "second language," "non-native language," or "overseas language" could be used. Additionally, employing more varied expressions to describe job opportunities, such as "employment prospects" or "career options," would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "significant role" and "job opportunities." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "others countrys’ language," which should be corrected to "other countries’ languages." The phrase "left behind with your literacy" is also somewhat unclear; it could be interpreted in different ways and does not convey the intended meaning effectively.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring that phrases convey clear meanings. For example, revising "left behind with your literacy" to "left behind in terms of literacy" would clarify the intent. Additionally, ensuring that plural forms and possessives are used correctly will enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "venders" instead of "vendors" and "countrys’" instead of "countries’." These errors indicate a need for greater attention to spelling conventions, which can affect the reader’s perception of the writer’s proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch spelling errors. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or apps designed for language learners can also assist in identifying and correcting mistakes.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic with some effective vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the majority of sentences are simple or compound, such as "The first reason why it is vital is now, when the economy is developing…" and "In addition, the more developed our country becomes, the more attention the employers pay to your qualification." While these sentences convey the main ideas, they lack complexity. There are few examples of complex sentences, which would enhance the variety and depth of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the more developed our country becomes, the more attention the employers pay," the writer could say, "As our country becomes more developed, employers are increasingly paying attention to qualifications." This not only adds variety but also improves the flow of ideas.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "In the modern life today" should be "In modern life today," as "the modern life" is awkward and unnecessary. Additionally, "others countrys’ language" contains a possessive error; it should be "other countries’ languages." There are also instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "when the economy is developing" to clarify the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and possessive forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may disrupt the flow of the essay. Reading more complex texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can be emulated in the writer’s own work.
Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, improving the variety of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy will help raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary life, learning a foreign language plays a crucial role. The first reason why it is vital is that currently, as the economy is developing, much of the written content is in languages such as Chinese or English. Therefore, to avoid being disadvantaged in literacy, it is advisable to be proficient in at least one foreign language. In addition, the more developed our country becomes, the greater the attention employers accord to qualifications. Proficiency in languages of other countries will provide you with more job opportunities. As you know, nowadays, even vendors selling flowers, snacks, or bread on the street can understand English. In conclusion, it is essential to be proficient in at least one foreign language.