The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Parents throughout the world place spend time reading with their offspring to prepare them for school where their literacy skills are further developed; however, recent research suggests that focusing on reading at an early age can be detrimental, and participating in fun activities would be far more beneficial. I am a strong advocate of this approach, and the benefits of it will be covered in this essay.

A fundamental reason for this is that there is no biological age for reading, and pushing infants to acquire this skill before they are ready could have repercussions. For example, in the UK, many boys are reluctant readers, possibly because of being forced to read, and this turned them off reading. By focusing on other activities and developing other skills such as creativity and imagination, when they are ready to read, they usually acquire this skill rapidly.

In addition, the importance of encouraging creativity and developing a child's imagination must be acknowledged. Through play, youngsters develop social and cognitive skills, for example, they are more likely to learn vocabulary through context rather than learning it from a book.

Furthermore, play allows youngsters to mature emotionally, and gain self-confidence. There is no scientific research which suggests reading at a young age is essential for a child's development, moreover, evidence suggests the reverse is true. In Finland, early years' education focuses on playing.

Reading is only encouraged if a child shows an interest in developing this skill. This self-directed approach certainly does not result in Finnish school leavers falling behind their foreign counterparts. In fact, Finland was ranked the sixth-best in the world in terms of reading.

Despite being a supporter of this non-reading approach, I strongly recommend incorporating bedtime stories into a child's daily routine. However, reading as a regular daytime activity should be swapped for something which allows the child to develop other skills.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Parents throughout the world place spend time reading with their offspring to prepare them for school where their literacy skills are further developed; however, recent research suggests that focusing on reading at an early age can be detrimental, and participating in fun activities would be far more beneficial."
-> "Parents worldwide invest time in reading with their offspring to prepare them for school, where their literacy skills undergo further development. However, recent research suggests that emphasizing early-age reading can be detrimental, and engaging in enjoyable activities would be more beneficial."
Explanation: The original sentence is verbose and contains redundant words. The suggested changes streamline the sentence, making it more concise and academically polished.
"I am a strong advocate of this approach, and the benefits of it will be covered in this essay."
-> "I strongly endorse this approach, and its benefits will be discussed in this essay."
Explanation: The phrase "I am a strong advocate of this approach" is more succinctly expressed as "I strongly endorse this approach," and the latter part of the sentence is restructured for clarity.
"A fundamental reason for this is that there is no biological age for reading, and pushing infants to acquire this skill before they are ready could have repercussions."
-> "A fundamental rationale for this is the absence of a biological age for reading; pushing infants to acquire this skill before readiness could have repercussions."
Explanation: The revised sentence eliminates redundancy and simplifies the expression, adhering to a more formal and concise tone.
"For example, in the UK, many boys are reluctant readers, possibly because of being forced to read, and this turned them off reading."
-> "For instance, in the UK, many boys exhibit reluctance towards reading, possibly due to coercion, resulting in a disinterest in reading."
Explanation: The changes aim to enhance clarity and eliminate casual expressions like "turned them off," aligning with a more formal tone.
"By focusing on other activities and developing other skills such as creativity and imagination, when they are ready to read, they usually acquire this skill rapidly."
-> "By prioritizing alternative activities and cultivating skills such as creativity and imagination, when they are ready to read, they typically acquire this skill rapidly."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the flow while employing more precise and academic language, avoiding the informal use of "focusing on other activities."
"Furthermore, play allows youngsters to mature emotionally, and gain self-confidence. There is no scientific research which suggests reading at a young age is essential for a child’s development, moreover, evidence suggests the reverse is true."
-> "Furthermore, play facilitates emotional maturation and enhances self-confidence in youngsters. No scientific research suggests that early-age reading is essential for a child’s development; on the contrary, evidence indicates the opposite."
Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the formality and coherence of the sentences, providing a more concise expression of ideas.
"This self-directed approach certainly does not result in Finnish school leavers falling behind their foreign counterparts."
-> "This self-directed approach does not lead to Finnish school leavers lagging behind their international counterparts."
Explanation: The revised sentence improves conciseness and removes unnecessary intensifiers like "certainly," maintaining a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Task Response: 3

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not fully address all parts of the prompt. While it discusses the importance of play and creativity in a child’s development, it fails to connect these points to the increase in the production of consumer goods and the resulting damage to the environment. The essay does not sufficiently explore the causes of the environmental damage or propose solutions to the problem.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully analyze the prompt and ensure that each part is explicitly addressed. Connect the ideas about childhood development to the environmental issue, discussing how the increase in consumer goods production may impact the upbringing of children and proposing specific solutions related to the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position on the impact of the increase in consumer goods production on the environment. While the writer advocates for a non-reading approach in early childhood education, there is no direct link established between this stance and the environmental problem posed in the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should explicitly state their position on the environmental issue and maintain a direct connection between this position and the advocated non-reading approach. This will provide a stronger and more cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the importance of play, creativity, and self-directed learning in a child’s development. However, these ideas lack sufficient elaboration and are not effectively extended to address the prompt’s environmental concerns. The examples provided are more focused on the benefits of play without a clear link to the environmental damage caused by increased consumer goods production.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should expand on the presented ideas, providing specific examples or evidence linking childhood development practices to the environmental issue. Strengthen the essay by offering more concrete details and illustrating the connection between the two aspects.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates from the given prompt by primarily discussing the benefits of play in childhood development rather than addressing the causes of environmental damage due to increased consumer goods production and proposing solutions. The lack of focus on the specific topic affects the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should consistently tie the discussion back to the prompt. Every point made should directly relate to the environmental concerns raised in the prompt, maintaining a clear and relevant focus throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay contains valuable insights into childhood development, it falls short of fully addressing the given prompt. To improve, the writer should carefully align the content with the prompt’s requirements, establish a clear and consistent position, provide more in-depth support for ideas, and ensure the essay remains focused on the specified topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat logical organization. It begins with a clear thesis statement, discussing the drawbacks of early reading, and then proceeds to provide reasons and examples to support this perspective. However, the transition between some ideas is abrupt, affecting the overall coherence. For instance, the sudden shift from discussing the negative impact of early reading to advocating for bedtime stories is somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between ideas to create smoother connections. Additionally, ensure that the progression of ideas follows a clear and sequential order, avoiding abrupt shifts.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be more effective. The first paragraph introduces the thesis, and subsequent paragraphs present supporting points. However, there is room for improvement in the development of each paragraph. Some paragraphs lack depth, with ideas not fully explored, making the essay feel somewhat underdeveloped.
- How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph with more detail and examples. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. This will provide a more comprehensive and well-organized essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transitions like "For example" and "Furthermore." However, there is a need for more variety and precision in the use of cohesive devices. The essay’s coherence would benefit from a more extensive use of linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including not only transitional phrases but also pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures. This will contribute to a more cohesive and connected essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they effectively guide the reader through the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably coherent and cohesive structure. Improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more refined and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "fundamental reason," "repercussions," and "self-directed approach." However, there is room for improvement as certain terms are repeated, and some sentences lack complexity in expression.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary, try incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "reading," explore alternatives like "literary skills," "acquiring knowledge," or "developing literacy."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where the meaning may be unclear due to imprecise word choice. For example, the phrase "play allows youngsters to mature emotionally" could benefit from a more specific term than "mature."
- How to improve: Strive for precision by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, consider using words like "nurture" or "foster" instead of "mature" to specify emotional development through play.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. However, there is one notable error in the phrase "Parents throughout the world place spend time." This affects the overall spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence structure to avoid missing words. Proofreading the essay before submission can help catch such errors. Consider reading sentences aloud to identify potential missing words or grammatical issues.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an acceptable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Expanding the variety of terms used, ensuring precise word choice, and addressing isolated spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, contributing to overall coherence. For instance, the author uses complex sentences such as "Through play, youngsters develop social and cognitive skills, for example, they are more likely to learn vocabulary through context rather than learning it from a book." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further, especially by incorporating advanced structures such as parallelism, inversion, or varied sentence lengths.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating advanced structures. For instance, experiment with parallelism to create balanced sentences or use inversion to add emphasis. Vary sentence lengths to add rhythm and flow to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "Parents throughout the world place spend time reading with their offspring" contains a redundancy ("place spend"), and "This self-directed approach certainly does not result in Finnish school leavers falling behind their foreign counterparts" could benefit from rephrasing for clarity. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are occasional issues, such as missing commas before introductory phrases.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to sentence structure to avoid redundancy and improve clarity. Revise sentences for smoother phrasing. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas, to ensure proper placement and enhance overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation precision. Incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining language mechanics will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Parents worldwide invest time in reading with their offspring to prepare them for school, where their literacy skills undergo further development. However, recent research suggests that emphasizing early-age reading can be detrimental, and engaging in enjoyable activities would be more beneficial. I strongly endorse this approach, and its benefits will be discussed in this essay.

A fundamental rationale for this is the absence of a biological age for reading; pushing infants to acquire this skill before readiness could have repercussions. For instance, in the UK, many boys exhibit reluctance towards reading, possibly due to coercion, resulting in a disinterest in reading. By prioritizing alternative activities and cultivating skills such as creativity and imagination, when they are ready to read, they typically acquire this skill rapidly.

Furthermore, play facilitates emotional maturation and enhances self-confidence in youngsters. No scientific research suggests that early-age reading is essential for a child’s development; on the contrary, evidence indicates the opposite. This self-directed approach does not lead to Finnish school leavers lagging behind their international counterparts.

Turning to the question of environmental impact due to the increased production of consumer goods, there are several causes contributing to this issue. Firstly, the demand for new products and technological advancements prompts manufacturers to produce goods on a larger scale, often resulting in environmental harm. Additionally, the widespread use of non-biodegradable materials in manufacturing exacerbates the problem.

To address this challenge, it is imperative to implement sustainable practices in production processes. Manufacturers should prioritize the use of eco-friendly materials and adopt technologies that minimize environmental impact. Governments can play a crucial role by enacting and enforcing regulations that promote sustainable manufacturing practices. Furthermore, raising awareness among consumers about the environmental consequences of their choices can lead to more responsible purchasing behavior.

In conclusion, the damage to the natural environment caused by the increase in consumer goods production is a pressing issue with multifaceted causes. However, through collective efforts involving manufacturers, governments, and consumers, it is possible to mitigate these effects and move towards a more sustainable and environmentally friendly future.