The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?

Nowadays, the internet is popular all over the world, it makes it possible for people to connect with each other without having to meet. On the other hand, it makes more and more people tend to avoid social integration. In my opinion,I agree with this point of view and I will explain why in this article.

To begin with, people today live in a busy environment. Although the need to communicate with friends or family is very important, it is difficult for us to reach acquaintances if they live in far away places. The rapid development of technology has helped us stay connected with those close to us because it has made it easy for us to access conversations from many different locations, and even talk for long periods without lose money. For example, today's society can access social networks to spread information and stay in touch with their loved ones. People can easily use Instagram, Messenger and Zalo to make calls or video calls if they want to talk for more than an hour.

On the other hand, this problem still has some opinions that it is actually harmful. One of the reasons why people think this is that using the Internet causes people to have less contact with others and this can lead to less stable relationships. However, for people who are not extroverted and quiet, the internet is one of the best solutions to solve this problem, because the more they talk, the more confident they become. Therefore, it helps people narrow the gap between themselves and their loved ones through the communication skills they have learned and never be afraid of having too few friends.
In conclusion, it can be said that the Internet reduces the effective use of free time to meet people. But it allows people to stay in touch with each other without thinking about the distance between them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"it makes it possible for people to connect with each other without having to meet" -> "it enables individuals to communicate with one another remotely"
Explanation: "Enables" and "communicate with one another remotely" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"it makes more and more people tend to avoid social integration" -> "it increasingly leads individuals to avoid social interaction"
Explanation: "Increasingly leads" is more formal and precise than "makes more and more people tend to," and "social interaction" is a more specific term than "social integration."
"In my opinion,I agree with this point of view" -> "I concur with this perspective"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "point of view."
"it is difficult for us to reach acquaintances if they live in far away places" -> "it is challenging to maintain contact with acquaintances residing in distant locations"
Explanation: "Maintain contact with acquaintances residing in distant locations" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "far away places."
"it has made it easy for us to access conversations from many different locations, and even talk for long periods without lose money" -> "it has facilitated access to conversations from various locations, allowing for extended conversations without incurring costs"
Explanation: "Facilitated access" and "incurring costs" are more formal and precise, and the sentence structure is improved for clarity and flow.
"today’s society can access social networks" -> "contemporary society has access to social networks"
Explanation: "Contemporary society" is a more formal expression than "today’s society," and "has access to" is more precise than "can access."
"People can easily use Instagram, Messenger and Zalo to make calls or video calls if they want to talk for more than an hour" -> "Individuals can readily utilize platforms such as Instagram, Messenger, and Zalo for extended conversations"
Explanation: "Individuals" and "utilize platforms" are more formal, and "extended conversations" is a more precise term than "talk for more than an hour."
"this problem still has some opinions that it is actually harmful" -> "this issue remains contentious"
Explanation: "Remains contentious" is a more concise and academically appropriate way to express ongoing debate or disagreement.
"using the Internet causes people to have less contact with others" -> "Internet use leads to reduced interpersonal contact"
Explanation: "Internet use leads to reduced interpersonal contact" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual phrasing of "using the Internet causes people to have less contact."
"the internet is one of the best solutions to solve this problem" -> "the Internet offers a viable solution to this issue"
Explanation: "Offers a viable solution" is more formal and precise than "is one of the best solutions to solve," which is redundant and informal.
"the more they talk, the more confident they become" -> "the more they communicate, the more confident they become"
Explanation: "Communicate" is a more formal synonym for "talk," aligning better with academic style.
"it helps people narrow the gap between themselves and their loved ones" -> "it facilitates bridging the gap between individuals and their loved ones"
Explanation: "Facilitates bridging the gap" is a more formal and precise expression than "helps people narrow the gap."
"never be afraid of having too few friends" -> "never fear having limited social connections"
Explanation: "Never fear having limited social connections" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "too few friends."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the internet’s role in facilitating communication and promoting isolation. The writer acknowledges the benefits of staying connected through technology, as seen in the first paragraph, while also recognizing the potential drawbacks in the second paragraph. However, the response could be more balanced, as it leans slightly more towards the negative aspects without fully exploring the positive implications of internet use.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced discussion of both perspectives. This could involve dedicating equal attention to the positive effects of the internet on social connections and the negative consequences of reduced face-to-face interactions. Including more examples or statistics to support each viewpoint would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion early in the essay, indicating agreement with the notion that the internet can lead to social isolation. However, the position is somewhat muddled by the inclusion of arguments that suggest the internet can also enhance social skills, particularly for introverted individuals. This duality may confuse readers about the writer’s ultimate stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. They could also clarify how they reconcile the positive aspects of internet use with their overall agreement on its isolating effects. A clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments would help guide the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both the benefits and drawbacks of the internet, but the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the writer mentions that the internet helps introverted individuals, they do not provide sufficient evidence or examples to substantiate this claim. The essay lacks depth in exploring how the internet can both connect and isolate individuals.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. For instance, discussing specific studies or surveys that show the impact of internet useon social behavior could strengthen the argument. Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt regarding the internet’s dual role in connecting and isolating individuals. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the benefits for introverted individuals without fully tying it back to the main argument about isolation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. They could achieve this by regularly linking back to the prompt and reiterating how each point contributes to the discussion of the internet’s impact on socialization. A clear outline before writing may help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the dual nature of the internet in facilitating communication while also potentially leading to social isolation. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs attempt to explore both sides of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the positive aspects of the internet to the negative aspects is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of the internet, while the second paragraph shifts to the drawbacks without a clear transitional phrase, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to indicate shifts in perspective. For example, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," could be used to signal the transition to the drawbacks. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be broken down into more focused sentences. For instance, the discussion about technology and social networks could be more cohesive if it centered around one main idea rather than mixing several points.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Start with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. For example, the first body paragraph could focus solely on how the internet facilitates communication, while a separate paragraph could address the implications of this on social skills.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and the essay sometimes relies on simple conjunctions, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "this problem still has some opinions that it is actually harmful" is awkward and could be better expressed with a more sophisticated cohesive device.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to add information, and "However," "Nevertheless," or "Conversely" to present contrasting ideas. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "social integration," "acquaintances," and "extroverted." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "stay connected" and "talk for long periods" are quite common and could be enhanced with more varied expressions. Additionally, the use of "busy environment" is vague and could be replaced with more specific terminology related to urban life or modern society.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced expressions. For example, instead of "stay connected," they could use "maintain interpersonal relationships" or "foster communication." Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more academic texts can help in acquiring a broader vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "makes more and more people tend to avoid social integration." The phrase "makes more and more people tend to" is awkward and could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, "the internet is one of the best solutions to solve this problem" could be more precise; the term "solution" implies a problem that is being resolved, which may not accurately reflect the nuanced impact of the internet on social behavior.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, instead of "makes more and more people tend to avoid," they could say "encourages an increasing number of individuals to withdraw from." Practicing paraphrasing and seeking feedback on word choice can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors such as "lose money" instead of "lose money" (which is contextually confusing and may need clarification). There are also instances where punctuation could improve clarity, such as the lack of a space after "opinion," which should read "opinion, I agree."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring proper punctuation. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during the writing process.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, seeking feedback on word choice, and practicing proofreading techniques will be beneficial for the writer’s development.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Although the need to communicate with friends or family is very important, it is difficult for us to reach acquaintances if they live in far away places" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar constructions, such as starting multiple sentences with "the internet" or "people." This can detract from the overall fluency and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using introductory phrases or clauses to vary sentence openings. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "the internet," you could begin with phrases like "In today’s digital age," or "Due to advancements in technology," which can help create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition words can enhance the complexity and coherence of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "it makes it possible for people to connect with each other without having to meet" could be more clearly expressed as "it enables people to connect without the need for physical meetings." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing space after "opinion," which should read "In my opinion, I agree with this point of view." Furthermore, the sentence "the more they talk, the more confident they become" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and to enhance readability. Consider revisiting basic punctuation rules and practicing with exercises that focus on common punctuation mistakes, such as comma splices and run-on sentences.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score. Focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy through careful proofreading and practice.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, the internet is widely popular all over the world, as it enables individuals to communicate with one another remotely without the need for face-to-face meetings. On the other hand, it increasingly leads individuals to avoid social interaction. In my opinion, I concur with this perspective, and I will explain why in this article.

To begin with, people today live in a busy environment. Although the need to communicate with friends or family is very important, it is challenging to maintain contact with acquaintances residing in distant locations. The rapid development of technology has facilitated access to conversations from various locations, allowing for extended conversations without incurring costs. For example, contemporary society has access to social networks to spread information and stay in touch with their loved ones. Individuals can readily utilize platforms such as Instagram, Messenger, and Zalo for calls or video chats if they wish to talk for more than an hour.

On the other hand, this issue remains contentious, as some argue that it is actually harmful. One reason people hold this view is that internet use leads to reduced interpersonal contact, which can result in less stable relationships. However, for individuals who are not extroverted and tend to be quieter, the internet offers a viable solution to this issue. The more they communicate, the more confident they become. Therefore, it facilitates bridging the gap between individuals and their loved ones through the communication skills they have learned, allowing them to never fear having limited social connections.

In conclusion, it can be said that while the internet reduces the effective use of free time to meet people, it also allows individuals to stay connected with each other, regardless of the distance between them.