The Internet has as many disadvantages as it does advantages To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In today’s world, there is a fact that the up-to-the-minute growth of technology has made the Internet more and more widespread. It is this issue that some people believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits from using the Internet. While this can bring both uppers and disadvantages to people’s lives, I would argue that the Internet can provide more advantages to themselves to enhance the quality of the life.
On the one hand, it is no exaggeration that the Internet contains several negative impacts on citizens’ health as well as study at the present. Firstly, they will be probably deceived about several aspects of society, especially money by a number of bad others; hence, it is possible to have a adverse impact on their mental health. For example, it is possible to have anonymous individuals on social media giving a link to them, and only after they click on it, will a large number of money be deducted from their accounts. Secondly, there are a plethora of new and interesting games on the Internet, creating an entertaining space for youngsters. Because of this, it is a certainty that they will be probably attracted by a diversity of impressive special effects in them; therefore, they cannot concentrate on learning at home.
On the other hand, I am the opinion of that using the Internet by a beneficial means can be more advantageous than disadvantageous. Indeed, it is noticeable that it is an extremely useful tool playing a worthwhile role in the process of study. As a result of having various necessary documents and information, this helps them explain carefully whenever they ought to cope with instinct complex tasks. For instance, Google is one of the most popular and state-of-the-art website, lending a hand by giving a variety of answers from a number of sources. On top of that, if people have awareness of controlling their interests when surfing the Internet, it will be a suitable place in order to reduce the stress after a long hard-working studying time.
In conclusion, despite still having several adverse sides of the Internet, everyone can have an opportunity to approach a significant number of new and modern objects in the world and improve the quality of their lives.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"up-to-the-minute growth" -> "rapid growth"
Explanation: The phrase "up-to-the-minute growth" is informal. Replacing it with "rapid growth" maintains formality and conciseness.
"It is this issue that some people believe" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: The original phrase is unnecessarily wordy. "Some argue" provides a more direct and concise introduction to the author’s viewpoint.
"both uppers and disadvantages" -> "both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Uppers" is informal and not commonly used in academic writing. Replacing it with "advantages" ensures a more appropriate and formal expression.
"I would argue that" -> "I contend that"
Explanation: "I would argue that" can be replaced with "I contend that" for a more formal tone while maintaining the author’s opinion.
"negative impacts on citizens’ health as well as study" -> "negative impacts on individuals’ health and education"
Explanation: Using "citizens" is more appropriate in a political context. "Individuals" is a neutral and inclusive term. Additionally, "study" can be replaced with "education" for a more academic tone.
"it is no exaggeration" -> "it is undeniable"
Explanation: "It is no exaggeration" is less formal. Replacing it with "it is undeniable" conveys the same meaning in a more formal manner.
"they will be probably deceived" -> "they may be deceived"
Explanation: "They will be probably deceived" is awkward phrasing. "They may be deceived" is a more suitable expression in academic writing.
"a number of bad others" -> "unscrupulous individuals"
Explanation: "A number of bad others" is informal. Replacing it with "unscrupulous individuals" provides a more formal and precise term.
"adverse impact" -> "negative impact"
Explanation: "Adverse" is more commonly used in medical contexts. "Negative impact" is a more general and appropriate term in this context.
"a plethora of new and interesting games" -> "an abundance of engaging games"
Explanation: "Plethora" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "an abundance" maintains formality, and "engaging" is a more sophisticated term than "interesting."
"creating an entertaining space for youngsters" -> "providing a recreational outlet for young individuals"
Explanation: "Creating an entertaining space for youngsters" is informal. The suggested replacement uses more formal language to convey the same idea.
"Because of this, it is a certainty" -> "Consequently, it is certain"
Explanation: "Because of this, it is a certainty" is wordy. "Consequently, it is certain" is more concise and formal.
"I am the opinion of that" -> "I am of the opinion that"
Explanation: "I am the opinion of that" is grammatically incorrect. Replacing it with "I am of the opinion that" is grammatically correct and maintains formality.
"playing a worthwhile role" -> "playing a valuable role"
Explanation: "Worthwhile" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "valuable" maintains formality while expressing a similar meaning.
"As a result of having various necessary documents and information" -> "By having access to essential documents and information"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. The suggested replacement improves clarity and formality.
"instinct complex tasks" -> "intricately complex tasks"
Explanation: "Instinct complex tasks" is unclear. "Intricately complex tasks" provides a more precise description.
"lending a hand by giving a variety of answers from a number of sources" -> "assisting by providing diverse answers from various sources"
Explanation: The suggested replacement is more formal and specific, avoiding colloquial expressions.
"if people have awareness of controlling their interests" -> "if individuals are mindful of managing their online activities"
Explanation: The suggested replacement uses more formal language to convey the idea of being cautious about online activities.
"a suitable place in order to reduce the stress" -> "an appropriate environment for alleviating stress"
Explanation: "A suitable place in order to reduce the stress" can be expressed more formally as "an appropriate environment for alleviating stress."
"hard-working studying time" -> "intense study sessions"
Explanation: "Hard-working studying time" is awkward. "Intense study sessions" is a more concise and suitable alternative.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does address both sides of the prompt. It acknowledges that there are disadvantages to the Internet but asserts that the benefits outweigh them. However, the explanation of the disadvantages is somewhat limited, and the essay could provide a more nuanced analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider delving deeper into the disadvantages of the Internet. Provide specific examples and explore the various dimensions of the drawbacks, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of both sides.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the Internet has more advantages than disadvantages. The position is consistently presented throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph is focused on supporting the idea that the benefits of the Internet outweigh the drawbacks. Avoid any statements or examples that may undermine this central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in the development and support of these ideas. For instance, while discussing the negative impact of the Internet on mental health and learning, the explanations are somewhat superficial.
- How to improve: To enhance the quality of the essay, provide more detailed and nuanced explanations for each idea. Include specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to bolster the arguments and make them more compelling and convincing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of the Internet. However, there are instances where the focus could be sharper, and the connection between examples and the main point is not always clear.
- How to improve: To improve coherence and relevance, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the overall argument. Avoid tangential discussions and connect examples more explicitly to the central theme of the essay.
In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing a more comprehensive analysis of both sides, developing ideas with greater depth, and ensuring the coherence of the essay’s structure. Incorporating specific examples and refining the focus on each point will contribute to a more compelling and well-rounded response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction presents a clear thesis statement, but the overall progression of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the shift between discussing disadvantages and advantages is abrupt. A more seamless transition between these aspects would enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider outlining the main points before writing to ensure a smoother progression. Maintain a clear thematic thread throughout the essay, ensuring that each paragraph logically connects to the previous and subsequent ones.
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but the structure could be refined for better effectiveness. Paragraphs tend to be lengthy, covering multiple ideas. Breaking down content into smaller, more focused paragraphs would enhance clarity and make the essay more reader-friendly.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, introducing the main idea. Follow this with supporting details and examples. Consider dividing long paragraphs into smaller ones, each dedicated to a specific point, enhancing readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices are used to some extent, but the variety is limited. There is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. This would contribute to a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Increase the use of transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. Pay attention to pronoun consistency and use conjunctions to establish clear relationships between ideas. This will create a more cohesive and connected piece of writing.
In conclusion, while the essay presents a coherent argument and achieves a band score of 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, addressing the mentioned areas of improvement will elevate the overall organization, paragraph structure, and cohesion of ideas, leading to a more polished and effective essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While the author attempts to use varied language, there is a notable repetition of certain words and phrases, limiting the overall diversity. For example, the term "Internet" is frequently repeated, and synonyms or alternative expressions could enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider employing a more extensive array of vocabulary. Instead of repeatedly using the term "Internet," explore synonyms or use different phrases to express the same idea. This will contribute to a richer and more varied lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay. Some terms are used accurately, such as "deceived" and "adverse impact." However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "uppers" and "complex tasks," which may confuse the reader. Precision in word choice enhances the clarity and effectiveness of the message.
- How to improve: Aim for consistent precision in word choice. Replace vague expressions like "uppers" with more specific terms, and clarify the meaning of phrases like "complex tasks" by providing concrete examples. This will ensure that your ideas are communicated with precision and clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a range of spelling errors that affect overall clarity. Instances such as "up-to-the-minute" and "instinct complex tasks" contain spelling inaccuracies. While some errors are minor, they contribute to a lack of professionalism and impact the reader’s perception.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission. Additionally, use tools like spell-check software to identify and correct errors. Developing a habit of reviewing and revising written work will contribute to improved spelling precision over time.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, with room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on diversifying vocabulary, choosing words with precision, and diligently proofreading for spelling errors will contribute to a more effective and polished piece of writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and complexity, with a mix of compound and complex sentences. However, the range could be expanded for greater sophistication. For instance, more complex structures like conditional sentences or relative clauses could be incorporated to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating advanced sentence constructions such as conditional sentences (e.g., If…, then…), relative clauses (e.g., which, who, where), and varied sentence lengths. This will add complexity and depth to your writing, contributing to a more sophisticated style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits notable grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "there is a fact," "it is this issue that some people believe") and inconsistent use of articles (e.g., "the up-to-the-minute growth," "the Internet more and more widespread"). Punctuation, such as comma splices (e.g., "because of this, it is a certainty"), and awkward phrasing further detract from grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement, consistent article usage, and punctuation rules. Carefully proofread your work to identify and correct errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to address common mistakes. Additionally, strive for clearer and more concise phrasing to avoid awkward sentence structures.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents arguments coherently, addressing these areas for improvement in grammatical range and accuracy will contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s world, there is an undeniable fact that the rapid growth of technology has made the Internet more and more widespread. Some argue that there are both advantages and disadvantages to using the Internet. While it is true that the Internet can bring both positive and negative impacts to people’s lives, I contend that it can provide more advantages, enhancing the quality of life.
On one hand, it is undeniable that the Internet has negative impacts on citizens’ health and study. Firstly, individuals may be deceived about various aspects of society, especially in terms of finances, by unscrupulous individuals. This can have an adverse impact on their mental health. For example, anonymous individuals on social media may provide links, and only after clicking on them, individuals may face deductions from their accounts. Secondly, the Internet offers an abundance of engaging games, providing a recreational outlet for young individuals. Consequently, they may be attracted by a diversity of impressive special effects in these games, making it challenging for them to concentrate on learning at home.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that using the Internet as a beneficial means can be more advantageous than disadvantageous. It is noticeable that the Internet plays a valuable role in the study process. By having access to essential documents and information, individuals can explain complex tasks more carefully. For instance, Google, one of the most popular and state-of-the-art websites, assists by providing diverse answers from various sources. Moreover, if individuals are mindful of managing their online activities, the Internet can be an appropriate environment for alleviating stress after intense study sessions.
In conclusion, despite the Internet having several adverse sides, everyone can have an opportunity to approach a significant number of new and modern objects in the world and improve the quality of their lives. It is essential for individuals to navigate the Internet responsibly and harness its benefits while mitigating potential drawbacks.