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The Internet has as many disadvantages as it does advantages To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The Internet has as many disadvantages as it does advantages To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In today’s world, there is a fact that the up-to-the-minute growth of technology has made the Internet more and more widespread. It is this issue that some people believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits from using the Internet. While this can bring both uppers and disadvantages to people’s lives, I would argue that the Internet can provide more advantages to themselves to enhance the quality of the life.

On the one hand, it is no exaggeration that the Internet contains several negative impacts on citizens’ health as well as study at the present. Firstly, they will be probably deceived about several aspects of society, especially money by a number of bad others; hence, it is possible to have a adverse impact on their mental health. For example, it is possible to have anonymous individuals on social media giving a link to them, and only after they click on it, will a large number of money be deducted from their accounts. Secondly, there are a plethora of new and interesting games on the Internet, creating an entertaining space for youngsters. Because of this, it is a certainty that they will be probably attracted by a diversity of impressive special effects in them; therefore, they cannot concentrate on learning at home.

On the other hand, I am the opinion of that using the Internet by a beneficial means can be more advantageous than disadvantageous. Indeed, it is noticeable that it is an extremely useful tool playing a worthwhile role in the process of study. As a result of having various necessary documents and information, this helps them explain carefully whenever they ought to cope with instinct complex tasks. For instance, Google is one of the most popular and state-of-the-art website, lending a hand by giving a variety of answers from a number of sources. On top of that, if people have awareness of controlling their interests when surfing the Internet, it will be a suitable place in order to reduce the stress after a long hard-working studying time.

In conclusion, despite still having several adverse sides of the Internet, everyone can have an opportunity to approach a significant number of new and modern objects in the world and improve the quality of their lives.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "up-to-the-minute growth" -> "rapid growth"
    Explanation: Replacing "up-to-the-minute growth" with "rapid growth" maintains formality while eliminating the informal and somewhat redundant expression.

  2. "more and more widespread" -> "increasingly prevalent"
    Explanation: Substituting "more and more widespread" with "increasingly prevalent" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  3. "drawbacks than benefits" -> "disadvantages than advantages"
    Explanation: Changing "drawbacks than benefits" to "disadvantages than advantages" provides a more formal and balanced expression.

  4. "uppers and disadvantages" -> "positives and negatives"
    Explanation: "Uppers" is an informal term, so replacing it with "positives" maintains formality and clarity.

  5. "to enhance the quality of the life" -> "to enhance their quality of life"
    Explanation: Adjusting "to enhance the quality of the life" to "to enhance their quality of life" improves grammatical correctness and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "It is no exaggeration that" -> "It is undeniable that"
    Explanation: Substituting "It is no exaggeration that" with "It is undeniable that" adds a stronger assertion and formality to the sentence.

  7. "be probably deceived" -> "potentially be deceived"
    Explanation: Changing "be probably deceived" to "potentially be deceived" introduces a more cautious and formal tone.

  8. "a number of bad others" -> "unscrupulous individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "a number of bad others" with "unscrupulous individuals" uses a more formal and precise term.

  9. "adverse impact" -> "negative impact"
    Explanation: Substituting "adverse impact" with "negative impact" maintains formality while using a more commonly accepted term.

  10. "a large number of money" -> "a significant amount of money"
    Explanation: Changing "a large number of money" to "a significant amount of money" is more precise and formal.

  11. "have anonymous individuals" -> "encounter anonymous individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "have anonymous individuals" with "encounter anonymous individuals" adds a level of formality and clarity to the sentence.

  12. "a plethora of new and interesting games" -> "an abundance of new and engaging games"
    Explanation: Substituting "a plethora of new and interesting games" with "an abundance of new and engaging games" enhances the formality and richness of expression.

  13. "it is a certainty that they will be probably attracted" -> "they are likely to be attracted"
    Explanation: Changing "it is a certainty that they will be probably attracted" to "they are likely to be attracted" improves the clarity and formal tone of the sentence.

  14. "impressive special effects in them" -> "impressive special effects within them"
    Explanation: Adjusting "impressive special effects in them" to "impressive special effects within them" improves grammatical correctness.

  15. "I am the opinion of that" -> "I am of the opinion that"
    Explanation: Replacing "I am the opinion of that" with "I am of the opinion that" is a more formal and correct expression.

  16. "playing a worthwhile role" -> "playing a significant role"
    Explanation: Changing "playing a worthwhile role" to "playing a significant role" maintains formality while using a more impactful term.

  17. "instinct complex tasks" -> "intrinsically complex tasks"
    Explanation: Substituting "instinct complex tasks" with "intrinsically complex tasks" uses a more precise and formal term.

  18. "Google is one of the most popular and state-of-the-art website" -> "Google is a widely used and state-of-the-art website"
    Explanation: Adjusting "Google is one of the most popular and state-of-the-art website" to "Google is a widely used and state-of-the-art website" improves grammatical correctness and clarity.

  19. "lending a hand by giving a variety of answers" -> "assisting by providing a variety of answers"
    Explanation: Changing "lending a hand by giving a variety of answers" to "assisting by providing a variety of answers" uses more formal language.

  20. "have awareness of controlling their interests" -> "are mindful of managing their interests"
    Explanation: Substituting "have awareness of controlling their interests" with "are mindful of managing their interests" is more precise and formal.

  21. "a long hard-working studying time" -> "a prolonged and diligent study session"
    Explanation: Adjusting "a long hard-working studying time" to "a prolonged and diligent study session" enhances the formality and clarity of the expression.

  22. "despite still having" -> "despite the existence of"
    Explanation: Replacing "despite still having" with "despite the existence of" adds formality and clarity to the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument by discussing the disadvantages and advantages of the Internet. It mentions potential negative impacts on health and study, as well as the positive aspects such as the Internet’s role in studying and accessing information.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay could provide a more balanced treatment of the advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, a clearer structure could help in presenting each aspect more comprehensively.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a clear position in favor of the advantages of the Internet. However, at times, the language used to discuss disadvantages is not as strong, and this can create some ambiguity.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the language when discussing disadvantages to ensure a consistent and clear stance throughout the essay. This will reinforce the overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in the development of some points. For instance, the negative impacts of the Internet on health and study are mentioned briefly without providing detailed examples or elaboration.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should include specific examples and details to support arguments, making the content more substantial and convincing. This will enhance the overall development of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but tends to drift slightly in certain sections. For example, the discussion of being deceived about money lacks clarity and could be connected more directly to the disadvantages of the Internet.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions and strive for greater coherence in connecting examples and ideas to the central theme.

In summary, while the essay successfully addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of argumentation and maintaining focus. Providing more specific examples and ensuring a balanced treatment of both sides will strengthen the overall response. Additionally, a more organized structure could enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both sides of the argument. However, there are instances where ideas are not seamlessly connected. For instance, the transition from discussing negative impacts of the Internet on health and study to the positive role in studying could be smoother. The progression of ideas could benefit from clearer transitions.
    • How to Improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one, creating a cohesive narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, but the structure within paragraphs could be refined for better coherence. In some instances, ideas within paragraphs seem loosely connected, affecting the overall clarity. For example, the transition between the negative impacts of the Internet and the positive role in studying could be presented in a separate paragraph for clarity.
    • How to Improve: Pay attention to the structure within paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear focus, and ideas within it should logically connect. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to enhance readability and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices can be expanded for a more sophisticated connection between ideas. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the usage of pronouns and transition words to create smoother connections between sentences.
    • How to Improve: Explore a wider array of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transition words. Ensure consistent and effective use to connect sentences and ideas throughout the essay. This will enhance the overall coherence and make the progression of thoughts more seamless.

In conclusion, while the essay displays a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization of information, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with a mix of common and less common words. For example, it uses words like "up-to-the-minute," "plethora," and "state-of-the-art." However, there is room for improvement in the variety of vocabulary used, and some phrases could be more precisely chosen for better impact.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score, try incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. Replace common phrases with more nuanced or context-specific words. For instance, instead of "adverse sides," consider using "drawbacks" or "disadvantages" to add specificity. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to showcase a broader linguistic range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise or awkward word choices. For instance, "the up-to-the-minute growth of technology" could be more precisely expressed as "the rapid advancement of technology." The use of "deceived about several aspects of society, especially money by a number of bad others" is somewhat imprecise and could benefit from more accurate language.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "bad others," consider terms like "unscrupulous individuals" or "malicious actors." Strive for clarity and accuracy in expressing ideas, ensuring that each word contributes meaningfully to the overall message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "uppers" instead of "benefits," "instinct" instead of "inherently," and "opinion of that" could be revised to "opinion that." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading your work to catch spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools available in word processing software. Focus on commonly misspelled words and ensure consistency in spelling throughout the essay. Taking the time to review and correct spelling will contribute to a more polished final product.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. Aim for a more sophisticated and precise selection of words, and be diligent in proofreading to eliminate spelling errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, the variety is somewhat limited, with a tendency to use straightforward structures. There is room for improvement in incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences and varied clause structures. For instance, the essay predominantly relies on basic sentence constructions like subject-verb-object.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider integrating a mix of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses to add depth and sophistication to your writing. Utilize a combination of short and long sentences to create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors throughout. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "it is an extremely useful tool playing a worthwhile role," where the verb tense and structure need correction. Punctuation is generally used appropriately, but there are instances of comma splices and missing commas that affect the overall clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by paying close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Proofread your work to catch and correct punctuation errors, ensuring proper usage of commas to separate ideas and improve readability. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and rectify specific issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, there is room for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, the rapid growth of technology has made the Internet increasingly prevalent. Some individuals argue that the disadvantages of using the Internet outweigh the advantages. While there are both positives and negatives associated with its usage, I firmly believe that the Internet can offer more advantages, contributing to the enhancement of people’s quality of life.

On the downside, it is undeniable that the Internet has some negative impacts on individuals’ health and studies. Firstly, there is a risk of being deceived on various aspects, particularly regarding financial matters, by unscrupulous individuals. This can potentially have an adverse impact on mental health. For instance, anonymous individuals on social media may provide links, and once clicked, a significant amount of money could be deducted from users’ accounts. Secondly, the abundance of new and engaging games on the Internet creates an entertaining space for youngsters. Consequently, they are likely to be attracted by a variety of impressive special effects within these games, making it difficult for them to concentrate on their studies at home.

On the flip side, I am of the opinion that utilizing the Internet for beneficial purposes can be more advantageous than disadvantageous. It plays a significant role as an extremely useful tool in the study process. With access to various necessary documents and information, individuals can explain complex tasks more effectively. For example, Google, a widely used and state-of-the-art website, assists by providing a variety of answers from different sources. Moreover, for those who are mindful of managing their interests while surfing the Internet, it becomes a suitable place to reduce stress after a prolonged and diligent study session.

In conclusion, despite the existence of several negative aspects of the Internet, it provides an opportunity for everyone to explore a significant number of new and modern aspects of the world, ultimately contributing to the improvement of their quality of life.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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