The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The line graph provides illustrations for the responses of a survey, in which four distinct reasons why citizens of a specific nation decided to relocate to the capital are given.
Overall, over a fifteen-year period from 2000 to 2015, the four causes as to why people headed to the metropolis increased, and the number of individuals relocated was on the rise.
Employment was the most popular reason for the relocation of individuals to the capital. The number of people who left for occupation-related issues started the highest at slightly over 60000 in the year 2000, and it reached a peak at just over 90000 in 2010. From that point on, it fell slightly to just under 9000. In fact, it was the only reason to show any decrease out of the four.
Education was the second most popular reason why people left for the metropolis and it experienced the steepest rise, shooting from approximately 25000 people to nearly 9000 over the entire period. The remainders, namely family/friends and adventure related excuses only went up slightly compared to the other two reasons, with both starting around 10000 people and ending at around 15000 and 25000 people, respectively.

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Errors and Improvements:

"illustrations for the responses" -> "illustrations of the responses"
Explanation: "Illustrations of the responses" is a more precise phrase, indicating that the graph depicts the responses themselves rather than providing responses.
"reasons why citizens of a specific nation" -> "rationales behind the migration of citizens from a particular nation"
Explanation: "Rationales behind the migration of citizens from a particular nation" conveys a more formal and nuanced description of the reasons for relocation, using "rationales" to emphasize the thoughtful decision-making process.
"headed to the metropolis" -> "relocated to the metropolitan area"
Explanation: "Relocated to the metropolitan area" is a more sophisticated and descriptive phrase that avoids colloquialism while clearly indicating the destination of the individuals.
"number of individuals relocated" -> "number of individuals who relocated"
Explanation: Adding "who" before "relocated" clarifies the relationship between the individuals and their action of relocating, improving the sentence’s grammatical structure.
"it reached a peak at just over 90000" -> "it peaked at slightly over 90,000"
Explanation: "Peaked at slightly over 90,000" is a more concise and precise expression, avoiding unnecessary words while maintaining clarity and formality.
"it fell slightly to just under 9000" -> "it declined slightly to just under 90,000"
Explanation: "Declined slightly to just under 90,000" provides a clearer and more accurate description of the decrease, ensuring consistency with the previous mention of the peak value.
"excuses" -> "motivations"
Explanation: "Motivations" is a more appropriate term than "excuses" in this context, as it conveys a sense of purpose or drive rather than implying trivial reasons for relocation.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in reasons for people moving to the capital city over a fifteen-year period. It presents key features such as the increase in relocation for employment and education, as well as the slight increases in relocation for family/friends and adventure-related reasons. The main trends are clearly outlined and comparisons are made where relevant.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend the discussion of each reason for relocation by providing more specific data points or examples to further illustrate the trends. Additionally, ensuring the language is more varied and precise could enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the response. Furthermore, linking the reasons for relocation to broader societal or economic contexts could deepen the analysis and provide additional insights.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, providing a clear overview of the data presented in the line graph. There is a clear progression in the essay as it discusses each reason for relocation, starting with employment, then education, and finally family/friends and adventure. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to link ideas, such as "Overall," to introduce the summary and "The remainders, namely" to transition between reasons. However, cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for a higher score. The essay also uses paragraphing, but the logical organization within paragraphs could be more consistent.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases more consistently to connect ideas logically. Additionally, consider refining paragraph structure to maintain a clear focus on each reason for relocation, avoiding any potential overlap or confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision. It uses less common lexical items and shows some awareness of style and collocation. The writer conveys the information clearly, although there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling.
How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary, especially more sophisticated and contextually precise words. Pay attention to word choice and spelling accuracy to minimize errors and enhance overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, although some sentences are overly simplistic. There are also instances of complex sentence structures, enhancing the overall variety. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more diverse sentence structures. Integrate a greater variety of complex sentences throughout the essay. Additionally, pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors and ensure clearer communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph delineates responses from a survey detailing the motives behind individuals relocating to the capital city of a specific country. Over a span of fifteen years, from 2000 to 2015, the graph depicts four primary reasons for this migration. Overall, there was a consistent increase in the number of people moving to the metropolis for each of these reasons.

Employment emerged as the predominant factor driving individuals to the capital. The figures indicate a substantial rise, starting at just over 60,000 in 2000 and peaking at slightly above 90,000 in 2010, before experiencing a minor decline to just under 90,000 thereafter. Notably, it was the only motive to exhibit a decrease among the four.

Education constituted the second most prevalent reason for relocation, witnessing the most significant surge over the period. The data reflects a sharp ascent from around 25,000 individuals to nearly 90,000.

The remaining factors, namely family/friends and adventure, experienced marginal increases compared to employment and education. Both commenced around 10,000 individuals and concluded at approximately 15,000 and 25,000 individuals, respectively.