The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011.

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011.

The graph depicts cinema attendance rates of four age brackets in the US within 11 years.
Overall, all examined age groups witnessed a sharp rise in the average attendance rates, with the 15- to 24-year-old registering the most striking feature, and this group also has the highest figure throughout.
Regarding the first younger groups, including the 15-24 and the 7-14, the former commenced with nearly 18%, which was almost double the figure of adolescents around 7- to 14-year-old, at 10%. Thereafter, despite a slight fall, the attendance of the 15-24 age bracket experienced a substantial increase, reaching a peak at roughly 60% in 2010. Following this pronounced upward trend, the 7-14 age group had tripled to 30% compared to the figure at the starting point, and peaked to nearly 40% in 2009.
Turning to the other older groups, the 25-35 bracket, whose initial figure stood at 5% while the demographic of the ages over 35 was up to nil. Thereafter, though the 25- to 35-year-old gradually grew, it was not until 2010 that the sector fluctuated and ended up at the same level as the 7-14 age bracket. Finally, cinemagoers’ tendency was by far the least popular among the age over 35 in spite of its steady rising rate to about 15% within the same period.

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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "witnessed a sharp rise" -> "observed a significant increase"
    Explanation: Replacing "witnessed a sharp rise" with "observed a significant increase" adds a more formal and precise tone to describe the upward trend in cinema attendance rates.

  2. "registering the most striking feature" -> "highlighting the most noteworthy aspect"
    Explanation: Substituting "registering the most striking feature" with "highlighting the most noteworthy aspect" introduces a more sophisticated expression to emphasize the exceptional nature of the 15- to 24-year-old age group’s attendance rates.

  3. "figure of adolescents around 7- to 14-year-old" -> "percentage among adolescents aged 7 to 14"
    Explanation: Changing "figure of adolescents around 7- to 14-year-old" to "percentage among adolescents aged 7 to 14" enhances clarity and precision, providing a more accurate description of the age group.

  4. "despite a slight fall" -> "notwithstanding a minor decline"
    Explanation: Substituting "despite a slight fall" with "notwithstanding a minor decline" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression to convey the decrease in attendance.

  5. "pounced upward trend" -> "pronounced upward trend"
    Explanation: Correcting "pounced upward trend" to "pronounced upward trend" rectifies the inappropriate use of "pounced" and maintains a more accurate and formal description of the attendance trend.

  6. "ages over 35 was up to nil" -> "individuals aged over 35 showed negligible attendance"
    Explanation: Changing "ages over 35 was up to nil" to "individuals aged over 35 showed negligible attendance" offers a more precise and formal representation of the absence of cinema attendance in this demographic.

  7. "it was not until 2010 that the sector fluctuated" -> "the sector experienced fluctuations only in 2010"
    Explanation: Revising "it was not until 2010 that the sector fluctuated" to "the sector experienced fluctuations only in 2010" improves clarity and conciseness, providing a more accurate timeline of the fluctuations in the 25- to 35-year-old age bracket.

  8. "cinemagoers’ tendency was by far the least popular" -> "cinemagoing was markedly less popular"
    Explanation: Changing "cinemagoers’ tendency was by far the least popular" to "cinemagoing was markedly less popular" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, offering a more refined expression for the declining popularity of cinema attendance among the age over 35.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in cinema attendance among different age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011. It outlines the key features of the data, such as the significant increase in attendance rates across all age brackets, with a focus on specific figures and trends for each group. The essay accurately presents the data and highlights the most notable aspects, such as the sharp rise in attendance for the 15-24 age group and the differences in attendance rates among various age brackets.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher score, consider extending the analysis further by providing more details about the trends or relationships between the different age groups. Additionally, ensuring a smoother flow in connecting the trends between years and age groups could enhance the overall coherence of the essay. This could involve more explicit transitions or comparisons between the groups to strengthen the analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

The essay demonstrates a logical organization by presenting a clear overview and progression of information. It effectively outlines the attendance rates across different age groups over an 11-year period, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas. The essay employs cohesive devices reasonably well to connect information within and between sentences, aiding the overall coherence. Each paragraph addresses a specific age group, contributing to the overall coherence and structure of the essay. The use of language contributes to coherence and progression.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider strengthening the use of a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Ensure consistency in referencing and substitution throughout the essay. Additionally, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of expression and coherence. Lastly, ensure a more systematic approach to paragraphing, ensuring each paragraph maintains a clear central topic and logical sequence of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying ideas related to the given line chart on cinema attendance. There is a notable effort to use less common lexical items, and the writer exhibits some awareness of style and collocation. While occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay effectively describes the trends in cinema attendance among various age groups, providing a clear overview of the data. The vocabulary used is varied and appropriate for the task. The writer successfully conveys the information with a mix of common and less common lexical items, contributing to a relatively sophisticated expression.

However, there are minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, the phrase "witnessed a sharp rise" could be refined for more precision, and there is room for improvement in certain collocations throughout the essay. Additionally, there are sporadic errors in word formation, such as "cinemagoers’" lacking an apostrophe.

How to improve:

  1. Strive for more precision in word choice and avoid clichés. Consider alternatives to expressions like "sharp rise" to enhance sophistication.
  2. Focus on refining collocations for a more natural flow of language. Pay attention to combinations of words frequently used together in English.
  3. Review and correct minor errors in word formation, such as ensuring proper apostrophes in possessives ("cinemagoers’").

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary but could benefit from a slightly more accurate and refined use of lexical features to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout, utilizing a variety of complex structures effectively. The sentences are generally error-free, and the writer showcases a commendable control of language. There is a coherent flow in the essay with clear organization, and the information is presented logically. The use of vocabulary and expression is adequate for the task, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve:
While the essay is well-constructed, there are a few areas where improvement could be made to reach a higher band score. Firstly, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the richness of expression. Additionally, pay attention to minor errors in sentence construction, such as improving the clarity of the phrase "up to nil" in the context of cinema attendance rates. Finally, ensure consistency in verb tenses to enhance overall coherence. Overall, refining these aspects will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the original IELTS Task 1 report while retaining the data and enhancing clarity, grammar, and vocabulary:

The provided line chart illustrates the changes in cinema attendance across distinct age categories in the United States over an 11-year period from 2000 to 2011.

Overall, all age groups exhibited an upward trend in cinema attendance during the specified timeframe. Notably, the 15 to 24 age bracket experienced the most substantial surge and maintained the highest attendance figures consistently.

Commencing with the younger demographics, the 15-24 age group commenced at an initial attendance rate of nearly 18%, nearly doubling the attendance of the 7-14 age group, which started at 10%. Despite a minor decline initially, cinema attendance for the 15-24 bracket showed a significant upward trajectory, peaking at approximately 60% in 2010. Simultaneously, the 7-14 age group tripled its initial attendance, reaching nearly 40% by 2009.

Shifting focus to the older groups, the 25-35 age category began at a lower rate of 5%, while the attendance among those above 35 years old was negligible. The 25-35 demographic gradually increased over the years, eventually reaching a level comparable to the 7-14 age group in 2010. Conversely, attendance among individuals over 35, although rising steadily, remained the least popular choice for cinema visits, reaching approximately 15% within the same period.

In summary, all age brackets experienced a rise in cinema attendance, with the 15-24 age group exhibiting the most remarkable growth throughout the given years, while attendance among individuals above 35, although increasing, remained comparatively lower in comparison to the other age cohorts.

This revised version maintains the original data points while enhancing clarity, refining the sentence structures, and ensuring grammatical accuracy to improve the overall presentation of the report.

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