The line chart shows how much fast food British teenagers ate from 1980 to 2015.

The line chart illustrates how much fast food British teenagers ate from 1980 to 2015. Overall, the chart shows that teenagers ate more hamburgers over time, while the amount of fish and chips they ate went down. Pizza became more popular but didn’t increase as much as hamburgers.
In 1980, teenagers ate fish and chips around 100 times a year, making it the most popular fast food at that time. However, this number gradually dropped, especially after 1995, and in 2015, it was eaten only about 40 times a year. In contrast, hamburgers started at about 20 times per year in 1980, but their popularity rose quickly, overtaking fish and chips around 2000, and reaching 100 times a year in 2010.
Pizza consumption also increased over the period. In 1980, it was eaten about 10 times per year, but this number grew steadily, reaching 50 times per year in 1995. After that, it slightly decreased but remained around 45 times per year in 2015.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line chart illustrates how much fast food British teenagers ate from 1980 to 2015." -> "The line chart depicts the consumption of fast food by British teenagers from 1980 to 2015."
Explanation: The phrase "how much fast food British teenagers ate" is vague and informal. "The consumption of fast food by British teenagers" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"Overall, the chart shows that teenagers ate more hamburgers over time, while the amount of fish and chips they ate went down." -> "The chart generally indicates that teenagers consumed more hamburgers over time, whereas their consumption of fish and chips decreased."
Explanation: "Overall" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "The chart generally indicates" is more formal. Additionally, "went down" is colloquial; "decreased" is more appropriate for academic texts.
"Pizza became more popular but didn’t increase as much as hamburgers." -> "Pizza gained popularity, albeit less significantly than hamburgers."
Explanation: "Became more popular" is somewhat informal and vague. "Gained popularity" is more precise and formal. "Didn’t increase as much as" is conversational; "albeit less significantly than" is more formal and academically suitable.
"In 1980, teenagers ate fish and chips around 100 times a year, making it the most popular fast food at that time." -> "In 1980, teenagers consumed fish and chips approximately 100 times annually, thereby rendering it the most popular fast food option at that time."
Explanation: "Ate around" is informal and imprecise. "Consumed approximately" is more precise and formal. "Making it the most popular" is informal; "thereby rendering it the most popular" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"However, this number gradually dropped, especially after 1995, and in 2015, it was eaten only about 40 times a year." -> "However, this number gradually decreased, particularly after 1995, and in 2015, it was consumed approximately 40 times annually."
Explanation: "Dropped" is informal; "decreased" is more formal. "Especially" is somewhat informal; "particularly" is more precise in academic writing. "Was eaten only about" is informal; "was consumed approximately" is more formal and precise.
"In contrast, hamburgers started at about 20 times per year in 1980, but their popularity rose quickly, overtaking fish and chips around 2000, and reaching 100 times a year in 2010." -> "In contrast, hamburgers began at approximately 20 times per year in 1980, but their popularity surged rapidly, surpassing fish and chips around 2000, and reaching 100 times annually by 2010."
Explanation: "Started at about" is informal; "began at approximately" is more precise. "Rose quickly" is informal; "surged rapidly" is more vivid and formal. "Overtaking" can be replaced with "surpassing" for a more formal tone. "Reaching 100 times a year" is informal; "reaching 100 times annually" is more formal and precise.
"Pizza consumption also increased over the period. In 1980, it was eaten about 10 times per year, but this number grew steadily, reaching 50 times per year in 1995." -> "Pizza consumption also increased throughout the period. In 1980, it was consumed approximately 10 times annually, but this figure steadily increased, reaching 50 times annually by 1995."
Explanation: "Also increased over the period" is somewhat informal; "also increased throughout the period" is more precise and formal. "Was eaten about" is informal; "was consumed approximately" is more suitable for academic writing. "This number grew" is informal; "this figure steadily increased" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the chart, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay adequately highlights the key features of the chart, but it does not provide enough detail to support the description. For example, the essay states that "pizza consumption also increased over the period," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the overview. For example, the essay could state that "pizza consumption increased from 10 times per year in 1980 to 50 times per year in 1995." The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the trends. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why hamburger consumption increased while fish and chips consumption decreased.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, allowing for a coherent flow of information. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where they could be varied more to enhance the overall cohesion. The central topic of each paragraph is clear, contributing to the reader’s understanding of the trends in fast food consumption among British teenagers.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to avoid any mechanical feel. Additionally, improving the paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph has a distinct focus and perhaps introducing more complex sentence structures could enhance coherence. Finally, providing a more detailed analysis or interpretation of the data could further strengthen the essay’s overall cohesion and depth.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It effectively communicates the trends shown in the line chart, using appropriate terms such as "illustrates," "gradually dropped," and "increased." However, the vocabulary is somewhat basic and lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band levels. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but inaccuracies and a lack of more advanced lexical items are evident. Additionally, there are minor errors in word choice, such as "making it the most popular fast food at that time," which could be expressed more precisely. Overall, while the communication is clear, it does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. This could involve using synonyms or more precise terms to describe trends (e.g., "surged" instead of "rose," "plummeted" instead of "dropped"). Additionally, paying attention to collocations and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context will help improve clarity and precision. Finally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can further strengthen the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical range is good, with a mix of simple and complex sentences used effectively to convey information. However, there are minor errors and occasional awkward phrasing that detract from overall accuracy, preventing a higher score. For example, the phrase "making it the most popular fast food at that time" could be more clearly structured. Overall, the control of grammar and punctuation is solid, but the presence of a few errors indicates that it does not fully meet the criteria for Band 8.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures to enhance clarity and accuracy. This could involve practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that all grammatical constructions are correct. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing can help improve overall fluency and coherence in the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the consumption of fast food among British teenagers from 1980 to 2015. Overall, the chart indicates that teenagers increasingly consumed hamburgers over time, while the consumption of fish and chips declined. Pizza gained popularity but did not increase as significantly as hamburgers.

In 1980, teenagers consumed fish and chips approximately 100 times a year, making it the most popular fast food at that time. However, this figure gradually decreased, particularly after 1995, and by 2015, it was consumed only about 40 times a year. In contrast, hamburgers started at around 20 times per year in 1980, but their popularity rose rapidly, surpassing fish and chips around 2000, and reaching 100 times a year by 2010.

Pizza consumption also increased over the period. In 1980, it was consumed about 10 times per year, but this figure grew steadily, reaching 50 times per year in 1995. After that, it experienced a slight decline but remained around 45 times per year in 2015.