The line graph below shows the average temperatures of three African cities through the year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the average degrees of Cape Town, Nairobi and Cairo in one year. Overall, there was a dramatic fluctuation in the Cairo’s temperature, while the figure for Cape Town and Nairobi changed steadily. It is also noticeable that the degree in Cairo was the lowest number of three areas, despite an enormous soar in the middle of period.
According to the diagram, the temperature of Cairo was 19 degrees celsius in January, then it started increased significantly and hit the peak at just above 35 in the following five months. In August, it witnessed a unexpected drop to around 21 degrees celsius by the end of period. Compared to Cairo, there was about 26 degrees celsius in Nairobi, then the figure grew slightly to 27 before having a rapid decline from April to July, at over 22 degrees celsius. It witnessed a remarkable climb to around 25 in December
Turning to the final city, in January, the temperature in Cape Town was the highest point of three cities, at 28 degrees celsius. In the next five months, there was a considerable decrease in Cape Town’s degree, from 29 degrees in February to 20 degrees in June, then leveled off for three months. The figure saw a gradual rise to higher than 27 degrees celsius by the end of period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in the context of presenting data visually, aligning better with academic style.
"dramatic fluctuation" -> "significant fluctuation"
Explanation: "Dramatic" can imply emotional connotation which is not suitable for academic writing. "Significant" is more neutral and appropriate for describing changes in data.
"the lowest number of three areas" -> "the lowest among the three areas"
Explanation: "The lowest number of three areas" is grammatically incorrect. "The lowest among the three areas" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the comparison.
"enormous soar" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Soar" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Significant increase" is precise and formal.
"then it started increased" -> "then it began to increase"
Explanation: "Started increased" is grammatically incorrect. "Began to increase" corrects the verb form and maintains a formal tone.
"just above 35" -> "approximately 35"
Explanation: "Just above" is vague and informal; "approximately" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"witnessed a unexpected drop" -> "experienced an unexpected drop"
Explanation: "Witnessed" is less commonly used in this context; "experienced" is more appropriate for describing changes in data.
"then the figure grew slightly to 27" -> "then the temperature increased slightly to 27"
Explanation: "The figure" is vague; "the temperature" specifies the data being discussed, enhancing clarity and precision.
"rapid decline" -> "sharp decline"
Explanation: "Rapid" is a bit informal; "sharp" is more precise and formal in describing sudden changes in data.
"remarkable climb" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Remarkable climb" is informal and imprecise; "significant increase" is more formal and accurate.
"the highest point of three cities" -> "the highest point among the three cities"
Explanation: "The highest point of three cities" is grammatically incorrect. "The highest point among the three cities" corrects the preposition and maintains formal tone.
"considerable decrease" -> "significant decrease"
Explanation: "Considerable" is less specific; "significant" is more precise in academic contexts when describing changes in data.
"leveled off for three months" -> "remained steady for three months"
Explanation: "Leveled off" is informal and less precise; "remained steady" is more formal and accurate in describing consistent data patterns.
"saw a gradual rise" -> "experienced a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Saw" is less formal; "experienced" is more appropriate for describing changes in data in academic writing.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. For example, the essay states that "there was a dramatic fluctuation in the Cairo’s temperature, while the figure for Cape Town and Nairobi changed steadily." However, the essay does not provide any specific details about the trends in the temperature of each city. The essay also does not make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay states that "the temperature in Cape Town was the highest point of three cities, at 28 degrees celsius." However, the essay does not compare this temperature to the temperatures of the other two cities.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages in the temperature of each city. The essay could also be improved by making more comparisons between the temperatures of the three cities. For example, the essay could state that "the temperature in Cape Town was the highest point of three cities, at 28 degrees celsius, while the temperature in Nairobi was 26 degrees celsius and the temperature in Cairo was 19 degrees celsius." The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the temperature of each city. For example, instead of saying "the figure grew slightly," the essay could say "the temperature increased gradually."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression and coherence. While the writer attempts to describe the temperature trends in the three cities, the connections between ideas are often unclear, leading to a lack of logical flow. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent; some phrases are repetitive or inaccurately used, which detracts from the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the transitions between ideas are abrupt and do not guide the reader smoothly through the information.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, can help clarify relationships between ideas. Ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one will improve overall progression. Finally, refining the use of paragraphing to group related ideas together will help the reader navigate the essay more easily.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. The writer attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "dramatic fluctuation" and "remarkable climb," which shows an awareness of style. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the lowest number of three areas" instead of "the lowest temperature among the three cities," and "the figure for Cape Town and Nairobi changed steadily," which could be more precisely articulated. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "witnessed a unexpected drop" instead of "an unexpected drop." These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring correct collocations. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will improve the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with more complex vocabulary in reading materials and incorporating them into practice essays can further develop lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some effective sentence structures, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the lowest number of three areas" and "an unexpected drop" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, the use of "the degree in Cairo" lacks clarity and precision. However, the overall communication remains understandable, which aligns with the criteria for this band.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Error Correction: Review the essay for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, to improve clarity.
Vocabulary Precision: Use more precise vocabulary to convey ideas clearly, such as replacing "the lowest number of three areas" with "the lowest temperature among the three cities."
By addressing these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the average temperatures of Cape Town, Nairobi, and Cairo over the course of one year. Overall, there was a dramatic fluctuation in Cairo’s temperature, while the figures for Cape Town and Nairobi changed steadily. It is also noticeable that the temperature in Cairo was the lowest among the three areas, despite a significant soar in the middle of the period.

According to the diagram, the temperature in Cairo was 19 degrees Celsius in January, then it started to increase significantly and reached a peak of just above 35 degrees in the following five months. In August, it experienced an unexpected drop to around 21 degrees Celsius by the end of the period. Compared to Cairo, Nairobi had an average temperature of about 26 degrees Celsius, which then grew slightly to 27 before experiencing a rapid decline from April to July, settling at over 22 degrees Celsius. It witnessed a remarkable climb to around 25 degrees in December.

Turning to the final city, in January, the temperature in Cape Town was the highest among the three cities, at 28 degrees Celsius. In the next five months, there was a considerable decrease in Cape Town’s temperature, from 29 degrees in February to 20 degrees in June, before leveling off for three months. The figure saw a gradual rise to higher than 27 degrees Celsius by the end of the period.