The line graph below shows the consumption of 3 different types of fast food in Britain from 1970 to 1990. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the consumption of 3 different types of fast food in Britain from 1970 to 1990.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph demonstrates the amount of fast food consumed in Britain over the course of 2 decades starting from 1970.
Broadly speaking, it is obvious that hamburger and fish & chips figure underwent a dramatic upsurge while the opposite trend was true for pizza. Notably, pizza figure was the largest among 2 other categories in 1970, but in 1990, it was the smallest.
In greater detail, pizza commenced at the first position of 300 grams in 1970, which later decrease gradually and reached 200 grams in the next 15 years. In the last 5 years, there was a slight recovery of this figure to about 210 grams. Later on, fish & chips and hamburger was roughly 90 and 30 respectively. Both of them witnessed a tremendous increase throughout all surveyed intervals by 5 times and 10 times and ended at 500 grams and 300 grams subsequently. Moreover, Fish & chips exceeded pizza figure in 1983 while hamburger surpassed it at 1987.

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Errors and Improvements:

"amount of fast food consumed" -> "consumption of fast food"
Explanation: "Amount" refers to quantity, while "consumption" specifically denotes the act of consuming or using something, which is more suitable in this context.
"figure underwent a dramatic upsurge" -> "figures experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Underwent a dramatic upsurge" is a bit informal. "Experienced a significant increase" maintains formality and clarity.
"pizza figure was the largest among 2 other categories" -> "the consumption of pizza was the highest among the three categories"
Explanation: "Pizza figure" is unclear. "Consumption of pizza" is more precise. Also, "two other categories" should be "three categories" to accurately reflect the total categories being compared.
"commenced at the first position of 300 grams" -> "started at 300 grams"
Explanation: "Commenced at the first position" is unnecessarily verbose. "Started at" is more concise and clear.
"later decrease gradually" -> "gradually decreased thereafter"
Explanation: "Later decrease gradually" is awkward. "Gradually decreased thereafter" is more grammatically correct and precise.
"and reached 200 grams in the next 15 years" -> "and declined to 200 grams over the following 15 years"
Explanation: "Reached" implies a positive outcome, which is not the case here. "Declined to" accurately reflects the decrease in grams over time.
"there was a slight recovery of this figure" -> "there was a slight increase in consumption"
Explanation: "Recovery of this figure" is vague. "Increase in consumption" specifies the change more precisely.
"to about 210 grams" -> "to approximately 210 grams"
Explanation: "About" is less precise than "approximately" when referring to a specific measurement.
"Fish & chips and hamburger was roughly 90 and 30 respectively." -> "Fish & chips and hamburger were approximately 90 and 30 grams respectively."
Explanation: "Was" should be "were" to agree with the plural subject. Additionally, specifying "grams" clarifies the unit of measurement.
"witnessed a tremendous increase" -> "experienced a significant rise"
Explanation: "Witnessed a tremendous increase" is a bit colloquial. "Experienced a significant rise" maintains formality.
"throughout all surveyed intervals" -> "across all surveyed periods"
Explanation: "Intervals" is less precise than "periods" in this context. "Across" emphasizes the entirety of the periods surveyed.
"and ended at 500 grams and 300 grams subsequently" -> "and concluded at 500 grams and 300 grams respectively"
Explanation: "Ended at" could be more precise by using "concluded at," and "respectively" clarifies the correspondence between the figures and the categories.
"Moreover, Fish & chips exceeded pizza figure in 1983 while hamburger surpassed it at 1987." -> "Furthermore, Fish & chips surpassed pizza consumption in 1983, while hamburger consumption surpassed it in 1987."
Explanation: "Exceeded" and "surpassed" are more precise than "exceeded" when referring to consumption. Also, "consumption" should follow each fast food item for clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the given line graph. It provides an overview of the trends for each type of fast food over the two decades, mentioning the dramatic increase in consumption of hamburgers and fish & chips while noting the decrease in pizza consumption. Key features such as the initial and final figures for each food type are presented, along with comparisons between them. However, there are some inaccuracies and irrelevant details in the essay, such as unnecessary emphasis on specific years and minor fluctuations. Additionally, the information could be more fully extended, with more analysis of the trends and comparisons.
How to improve: Focus on presenting the main trends and features more clearly without unnecessary details. Provide more analysis and comparisons between the data points to enhance the depth of the response. Ensure accuracy in reporting the data and avoid irrelevant information. Consider organizing the information in a more structured manner for better clarity and coherence. ]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a clear overview of the data provided in the graph, highlighting the main trends and making relevant comparisons. The essay is generally coherent, with a clear progression of ideas. There is a logical organization of information, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, although there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as unclear referencing and mechanical use of cohesive devices. Additionally, while there is paragraphing, it is not always logically done, with some paragraphs containing multiple ideas.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring that referencing and cohesive devices are used more clearly and appropriately. Avoid mechanical use of cohesive devices and strive for more natural transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Also, ensure that paragraphing is logical and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. The writer uses vocabulary related to data representation such as "consumption," "line graph," "dramatic upsurge," "opposite trend," "largest," "smallest," "commenced," "decrease gradually," "recovery," "tremendous increase," "exceeded," and "surpassed." Attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "upsurge" and "commenced" show an effort to vary language. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasings that impact clarity and fluency. For instance, "figure was the largest among 2 other categories" could be clearer if stated as "figure was the highest among the three categories." Additionally, "hamburger and fish & chips figure underwent" could be improved for smoother readability.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary more precisely and accurately. Pay attention to word choice and ensure that uncommon lexical items are used appropriately. Review sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence, which can contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay utilizes a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating an ability to manipulate basic and more advanced grammar structures. Examples of complex structures include "Notably, pizza figure was the largest among 2 other categories in 1970, but in 1990, it was the smallest," where a contrast is effectively conveyed. However, the essay also displays some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing ("pizza figure was the largest", "pizza commenced at the first position of 300 grams") that could potentially obscure meaning but generally do not impede overall comprehension. The essay predominantly uses correct grammar with some lapses in control, fitting the Band 6 descriptor that states "makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication".

How to improve:

Enhance grammatical accuracy by reviewing and correcting verb tense inconsistencies and noun-adjective agreements (e.g., "pizza figure was the largest" could be better expressed as "the consumption of pizza was the highest").
Refine complex sentence structures to avoid ambiguity and improve readability, focusing on clearer and more precise language (e.g., "Both of them witnessed a tremendous increase" could be revised to "Both categories showed significant increases").
Practice constructing sentences that vary in structure and complexity while maintaining accuracy, thereby moving towards more error-free sentence production which is essential for achieving a higher band score. This can be achieved through exercises focused on complex grammatical constructions and receiving feedback on written work.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the consumption trends of three distinct types of fast food in Britain spanning from 1970 to 1990. Overall, it is evident that there were significant fluctuations in the consumption levels of hamburger, fish & chips, and pizza over the two-decade period.

Beginning with pizza, it is notable that its consumption was the highest among the three categories in 1970, standing at approximately 300 grams. However, this figure gradually declined over the following 15 years to reach around 200 grams by 1985. Thereafter, there was a slight increase, with consumption rising to about 210 grams by 1990.

In contrast, both fish & chips and hamburger exhibited substantial increases in consumption throughout the entire period under review. Fish & chips started at around 90 grams in 1970 and experienced a fivefold surge, reaching approximately 500 grams by 1990. Similarly, hamburger consumption began at approximately 30 grams in 1970 and increased tenfold to reach around 300 grams by the end of the period.

Furthermore, it is worth noting that fish & chips surpassed pizza consumption in 1983, while hamburger consumption exceeded that of pizza in 1987.

In summary, the data illustrates a significant rise in the consumption of hamburger and fish & chips, while pizza consumption declined over the period from 1970 to 1990.