The line graph shows the global demand of different textile from 1980-2015

The line chart reveals the result of a survey carried out to determine the proportion of the total textile demand over the globe between 1980 and 2015

Overall,it can be seen clearly from the line chart that the demand for polyester ,cotton and cellulosic textile escalated over the period shown whereas the opposite was true for the wool.Additionally,polyester experienced a most significant growth.

A closer look at the data reveals that the demand of cotton was roughly 14 million tons in 1980,which was the most ubiquitous fabric for the need of textile.Since 2000,the figures of cotton had a tendency to boom significantly around 33 million after witnessing a deterioration nearly 4 million tons.On the other hands,the figures for polyester was plateaued from around 3 million to 33 million tons in 2000 and surged to reach its peak at 68 million tons that was double the consumption of cotton fabric at the end of the period .

By contrast, cellulosic and wool,both of the demand for the former had a similar trend from 1980 to 2000.Since then,wool demand shared the opposite partern that the figures for wool decreased sharply to only 0.5 million tons.

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Errors and Improvements:

"reveals" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: "Reveals" is a common word, but "illustrates" is more sophisticated and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"escalated" -> "increased"
Explanation: While "escalated" is not incorrect, "increased" is a more precise and widely used term in academic writing, conveying the same meaning effectively.
"ubiquitous" -> "prevalent"
Explanation: "Ubiquitous" is less common and slightly awkward in this context. "Prevalent" is a more appropriate term for describing something widely existing or occurring.
"had a tendency to boom" -> "exhibited a tendency to surge"
Explanation: "Booming" is more colloquial, while "surge" maintains a formal tone and clarity of expression.
"plateaued" -> "remained stagnant"
Explanation: "Plateaued" refers to reaching a stable level, but "remained stagnant" emphasizes the lack of growth or change, which better fits the context of the sentence.
"shared the opposite partern" -> "exhibited contrasting patterns"
Explanation: "Shared the opposite pattern" is unclear and awkward. "Exhibited contrasting patterns" clarifies that there were diverging trends between cellulosic and wool demand.
"decreased sharply" -> "plummeted"
Explanation: While "decreased sharply" is acceptable, "plummeted" adds emphasis and vividness to the decline in wool demand, making the writing more engaging.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in global textile demand from 1980 to 2015. It effectively highlights key features such as the increasing demand for polyester and cotton, the decline in wool demand, and the plateauing of cellulosic demand. The essay also presents specific data points to support the description of trends over the given period.

How to improve:
To improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing a slightly more detailed analysis of the data, such as discussing potential reasons for the observed trends or comparing the demand for different textiles in specific regions or industries. Additionally, ensure that all information presented is accurate and relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization by introducing the main trends depicted in the line graph. There is an attempt at sequencing the information by discussing the trends of different textile types over time. However, the progression is somewhat lacking, as there is no clear overview provided at the beginning. The essay utilizes cohesive devices to some extent, but there are instances of inaccuracies and overuse of certain terms. Paragraphing is utilized, but it could be improved for better coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, start with a clear introduction outlining the main trends depicted in the graph. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect, such as the trends of different textile types, and provide transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay. Use cohesive devices more judiciously, avoiding repetition and inaccuracies. Finally, ensure that the paragraphs are logically structured to improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "escalated" and "plateaued," contributing to variety. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "most significant growth" instead of "most significant increase" or "tendency to boom significantly" instead of "significant increase." Additionally, some word choices could be more precise, for instance, "since 2000, the figures for cotton had a tendency to boom significantly" could be improved to provide clearer information. Spelling and word formation errors are present but do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more precise word choices and collocations. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would further improve clarity and coherence. Consider refining sentence structures to convey information more effectively and accurately.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It attempts to use a variety of structures, incorporating both compound and complex sentences. There is a range of sentence structures, but some errors in grammar and punctuation are present, though they do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures to ensure clarity and precision. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Additionally, strive for more accurate usage of complex structures to enhance the sophistication of the essay. Reviewing and editing for grammar and punctuation errors can help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the global demand for various textile types from 1980 to 2015.

Overall, it is evident from the line chart that the demand for polyester, cotton, and cellulosic textile increased over the given period, while the demand for wool experienced a decline. Notably, polyester exhibited the most significant growth.

A detailed examination of the data reveals that in 1980, the demand for cotton stood at approximately 14 million tons, making it the most prevalent fabric. From 2000 onwards, the demand for cotton experienced substantial fluctuations, peaking at around 33 million tons after a decrease of nearly 4 million tons. In contrast, the demand for polyester remained relatively stable at approximately 3 million tons until 2000, after which it surged to reach its peak at 68 million tons by the end of the period, doubling the consumption of cotton fabric.

On the other hand, both cellulosic and wool experienced similar trends in demand from 1980 to 2000. However, after 2000, the demand for wool sharply declined, reaching only 0.5 million tons by the end of the period.