The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of New Zealand residents across four age groups (0-14; 25-37; 38-45 and over 65) between 1950 and 2050.

Overall, the percentage of population who are individuals aged 25 to 37 is expected to enjoy a significant decline while the proportion of citizens in the 0-14 and 38-45 age group is predicted to increase steadily. It’s also clear that the oldest age group, accounting for the highest percentage among the given age group, is projected to witness a minimal decrease.

In 1950, people at the ages of 0-14, starting at just under 10%, saw an unchanged pattern through 40 years of the surveyed period. This figure is anticipated to grow moderately to approximately 21% from 1990 to 2050. As regards the proportion of citizens who aged between 38 and 45 started at about 25% in 1950 and then peaked at 50% after 40 years. It is forecast that this number will fall slowly by 10% to 40 % until 2000, before remaining stable to the last of the said period.

The oldest aged group stood at 60% in 1950, followed by a significant rise by 10% to 70% in 1990. The projection is that this figure will fall considerably to about 55%. Regarding the number of people who are between 25 and 37 years old is expected to enjoy a drastic drop from just under 20% to around 1% through the surveyed period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the proportion of New Zealand residents across four age groups" -> "the distribution of New Zealand residents among four age groups"
Explanation: "Distribution" is a more precise term in demographic studies, indicating how individuals are spread across categories, while "among" is more appropriate than "across" in this context.
"the percentage of population who are individuals aged 25 to 37" -> "the percentage of the population who are individuals aged 25 to 37"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "population" clarifies that it refers to a specific group, enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"is expected to enjoy a significant decline" -> "is projected to experience a significant decline"
Explanation: "Projected" is a more formal term than "expected," and "experience" is more precise than "enjoy," which is overly informal in this context.
"the oldest age group, accounting for the highest percentage among the given age group" -> "the oldest age group, representing the highest percentage among the specified age groups"
Explanation: "Representing" is a more formal and precise term than "accounting for," and "specified" is clearer than "given."
"saw an unchanged pattern through 40 years of the surveyed period" -> "exhibited a stable pattern throughout the 40-year surveyed period"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal verb than "saw," and "stable" is more precise than "unchanged." "Throughout" is more appropriate than "through" in this context.
"This figure is anticipated to grow moderately to approximately 21% from 1990 to 2050" -> "This figure is projected to increase moderately to approximately 21% between 1990 and 2050"
Explanation: "Projected" is more formal than "anticipated," and "increase" is a more precise term than "grow." "Between" is more appropriate than "from…to" in this context.
"As regards the proportion of citizens who aged between 38 and 45" -> "With respect to the proportion of citizens aged between 38 and 45"
Explanation: "With respect to" is a more formal phrase than "as regards," and removing "who" streamlines the sentence.
"started at about 25% in 1950 and then peaked at 50% after 40 years" -> "began at approximately 25% in 1950 and subsequently peaked at 50% after 40 years"
Explanation: "Began" is a more formal alternative to "started," and "subsequently" is more precise than "then."
"will fall slowly by 10% to 40 % until 2000" -> "is projected to decline gradually by 10% to 40% until 2000"
Explanation: "Is projected to decline" is more formal than "will fall," and "gradually" is a more precise adverb than "slowly."
"before remaining stable to the last of the said period" -> "before remaining stable until the end of the observed period"
Explanation: "Until the end of the observed period" is clearer and more formal than "to the last of the said period."
"stood at 60% in 1950, followed by a significant rise by 10% to 70% in 1990" -> "was 60% in 1950, followed by a significant increase of 10% to 70% in 1990"
Explanation: "Was" is more straightforward than "stood at," and "increase" is more precise than "rise." "Of" is more appropriate than "by" in this context.
"The projection is that this figure will fall considerably to about 55%" -> "The projection indicates that this figure will decline significantly to approximately 55%"
Explanation: "Indicates" is a more formal verb than "is," and "decline significantly" is more precise than "fall considerably."
"the number of people who are between 25 and 37 years old is expected to enjoy a drastic drop" -> "the number of individuals aged between 25 and 37 years is projected to experience a drastic decline"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "aged between" is more concise than "who are between." "Experience a drastic decline" is more precise than "enjoy a drastic drop."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the graph, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that the percentage of people aged 25-37 is expected to enjoy a significant decline, but it does not provide any specific figures to support this claim. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that the oldest age group is projected to witness a minimal decrease.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific figures to support the claims made. The essay could also be made more concise by removing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could simply state that the percentage of people aged 25-37 is expected to decline from just under 20% to around 1% through the surveyed period.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical or awkward phrasing. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some paragraphs could be better structured to enhance clarity and flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear and distinct central topic. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that referencing is clear and appropriate would strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. More attention to the logical arrangement of paragraphs would also contribute to a better score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are present, such as "people at the ages of 0-14" (which could be more naturally phrased) and "enjoy a significant decline," which is somewhat awkward in context. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the oldest aged group" (which could be simplified to "the oldest age group"). While these errors do not impede overall communication, they do detract from the fluency and precision expected at higher band scores.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and naturalness. This includes practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures to avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors would enhance clarity and coherence. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. Errors in grammar and punctuation occur, such as "the oldest aged group stood at 60% in 1950" (which could be more clearly stated as "the oldest age group stood at 60% in 1950") and "the projection is that this figure will fall considerably to about 55%" (which could be simplified for clarity). These errors do not significantly hinder communication, but they do detract from the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and increasing the variety of sentence structures. This can be done by proofreading for common grammatical errors, practicing more complex sentence constructions, and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly throughout the essay. Additionally, aiming for clearer and more precise language will help improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the proportion of New Zealand residents across four age groups (0-14; 25-37; 38-45; and over 65) between 1950 and 2050.

Overall, the percentage of the population aged 25 to 37 is expected to experience a significant decline, while the proportions of citizens in the 0-14 and 38-45 age groups are predicted to increase steadily. It is also evident that the oldest age group, which accounts for the highest percentage among the given categories, is projected to witness a minimal decrease.

In 1950, the percentage of individuals aged 0-14 started at just under 10% and maintained a stable pattern for the first 40 years of the surveyed period. This figure is anticipated to grow moderately to approximately 21% from 1990 to 2050. In contrast, the proportion of citizens aged between 38 and 45 began at about 25% in 1950, peaking at 50% after 40 years. It is forecast that this number will decline gradually by 10% to 40% until 2000, before remaining stable for the remainder of the period.

The oldest age group stood at 60% in 1950, followed by a significant rise of 10% to 70% in 1990. Projections indicate that this figure will decrease considerably to about 55%. Meanwhile, the number of people aged between 25 and 37 is expected to experience a drastic drop from just under 20% to around 1% throughout the surveyed period.