The line graph shows the percentage of spending in a European country from 1960 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the percentage of spending in a European country from 1960 to 2000.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates how much a European nation spended between 1960 and 2000
Overall, Among all the spending, Food held the top spot during almost the entire serveyed period except 2000 when Transport took the leading position. What is notable from the chart is that all expendature witnessed a downward trend with the exception of Transport
At the begining of the period, Food emerged as the leading catogories, with approximately 33% . Far below was the expenditure on Leisure, as its figure stood at exact 20%, which was quaruple the that on Energy. Meanwhile, the figures for the remaining categories varied slightly, ranging from
nearly 10% and 8%.
Thereafter, the figure for spending on Food declined dramatically to nearly 13% in 2000. Similarly, a significant downward shift was recorded in the figure for leisure after 40 years. Clothing and Energy displayed an descending trend in the proportion of spending, with a sharp drop of roughly 5% and 4% respecively. Finally, there was a considerable growth in the expenditure rate on Transport, with its figure stood at 15%, ranking first in the chart after the period of 40 years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"spended" -> "spent"
Explanation: "Spended" is a misspelling of "spent," which is the correct verb form in this context, indicating the past tense of "spend" in an economic sense.
"Among all the spending" -> "across all categories"
Explanation: "Across all categories" is more precise and formal, better fitting the academic style by clearly indicating the scope of the comparison.
"Food held the top spot" -> "Food remained the largest category"
Explanation: "Remained the largest category" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "top spot," which is not suitable for academic writing.
"almost the entire serveyed period" -> "almost the entire surveyed period"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "serveyed" to "surveyed," ensuring the proper use of the word in the context of data collection.
"all expendature" -> "all expenditure"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "expendature" to "expenditure," which is the correct term for the cost or outlay of something.
"At the begining" -> "At the beginning"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "beginning" to its proper form, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"catogories" -> "categories"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "catogories" to "categories," which is the correct term for a classification or group.
"quaruple" -> "quadruple"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "quaruple" to "quadruple," which is the correct term for multiplying by four.
"the that on Energy" -> "that on Energy"
Explanation: Removes the unnecessary "the" before "that," correcting the grammatical structure of the sentence.
"nearly 10% and 8%" -> "approximately 10% and 8%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal and precise than "nearly," enhancing the academic tone of the text.
"a significant downward shift" -> "a significant decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more precise term in this context, indicating a decrease in quantity or amount, which is more appropriate than "shift" which can imply a change in position rather than amount.
"descending trend" -> "declining trend"
Explanation: "Declining" is more specific and commonly used in economic and statistical contexts to describe a decrease in quantity or value over time.
"respecively" -> "respectively"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "respecively" to "respectively," which is the correct adverbial form used to indicate that corresponding nouns or pronouns are listed.
"its figure stood at 15%" -> "its proportion stood at 15%"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise and appropriate in this context, referring to the relative size or amount of something, which is more specific than "figure" which can be vague.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay does present some key features, but it inadequately covers them. For example, the essay states that "Food held the top spot during almost the entire surveyed period except 2000 when Transport took the leading position," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also provide more specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that "Food spending decreased from approximately 33% in 1960 to nearly 13% in 2000," and "Transport spending increased from approximately 8% in 1960 to 15% in 2000." The essay should also avoid using informal language, such as "serveyed period" and "stood at."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the main features of the graph, the lack of clear connections between ideas and the repetitive nature of some phrases detract from its coherence. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to confusion in the flow of information. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the ideas do not transition smoothly from one to another.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer connections between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively can help improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, revising the structure to ensure logical progression and clearer transitions between points will strengthen the overall organization. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will also enhance clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the graph, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "spended," "serveyed," "expendature," "begining," "catogories," "quaruple," "respecively"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. The essay lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band levels, which would require a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to data description and comparison. Practicing the correct spelling of commonly used words and phrases in academic writing will also help. Additionally, using synonyms and avoiding repetition can improve the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with higher-level texts and practicing paraphrasing can further develop lexical flexibility and sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as "spended" instead of "spent," "serveyed" instead of "surveyed," and issues with subject-verb agreement ("its figure stood at exact 20%"). Punctuation errors are also present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. While the main features of the graph are reported, the inaccuracies in grammar and punctuation hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures accurately. Practicing the correct forms of verbs and ensuring subject-verb agreement would help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and clarity can reduce errors and enhance the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with more complex sentence forms while maintaining accuracy will also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates how much a European nation spent between 1960 and 2000. Overall, among all the spending categories, Food held the top spot during almost the entire surveyed period, except in 2000 when Transport took the leading position. Notably, all expenditure categories witnessed a downward trend, with the exception of Transport.

At the beginning of the period, Food emerged as the leading category, with approximately 33%. Far below was the expenditure on Leisure, as its figure stood at exactly 20%, which was quadruple that of Energy. Meanwhile, the figures for the remaining categories varied slightly, ranging from nearly 10% to 8%.

Thereafter, the figure for spending on Food declined dramatically to nearly 13% in 2000. Similarly, a significant downward shift was recorded in the figure for Leisure after 40 years. Clothing and Energy displayed a descending trend in the proportion of spending, with a sharp drop of roughly 5% and 4% respectively. Finally, there was considerable growth in the expenditure rate on Transport, with its figure standing at 15%, ranking first in the chart after the 40-year period.