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The line graph shows the percentage of visitors travelling to a New Zealand town since 2000 and predict up to 2035. SUMMARISE THE INFORMATION BY SELECTING AND REPORTING THE MAIN FEATURES AND MAKE COMPARISONS WHERE RELEVANT.

The line graph shows the percentage of visitors travelling to a New Zealand town since 2000 and predict up to 2035. SUMMARISE THE INFORMATION BY SELECTING AND REPORTING THE MAIN FEATURES AND MAKE COMPARISONS WHERE RELEVANT.

The given line graph depicts how many people visited a town in New Zealand by air, rail and road since 2000 and shows predictions until 2035.
Overall, it is apparent that tourists will rise their tendency to come to this New Zealand town by air and road, while the opposite will be true for the remaining route. Moreover, roads have and will have the highest figure of visitors between 2000 and 2035.
People will increasingly travel to New Zealand by road and air. As for the former, despite a decrease from about 35 thousand in 2000 to nearly 30 thousand after two decades, the number of visitors going by road is expected to reach around 40 thousand by 2035. A similar pattern will be seen in the airline category. Approximately 21 thousand people traveled by air in the first year surveyed and it is anticipated to grow considerably to about 36 thousand in the next 15 years.
There will be a downward trend in the number of people visiting by rail. Starting at approximately 18 thousand, this figure remained unchanged over 5 years, prior to rocketing and reaching a peak at 25 thousand in 2010. However, the number of visitors using such route then declined by around 10 thousand back to the initial figure (around 18 thousand) and it is forecast to continue experiencing a sharp drop and hit the lowest in 2035, at nearly just 10 thousand people.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "tourists will rise their tendency" -> "tourists will increase their inclination"
    Explanation: Replacing "rise their tendency" with "increase their inclination" improves the accuracy of expression and enhances the formality of the statement.

  2. "while the opposite will be true for the remaining route" -> "conversely, the opposite will hold for the remaining mode of transportation"
    Explanation: Substituting "while" with "conversely" and expanding "route" to "mode of transportation" adds precision and sophistication to the description.

  3. "roads have and will have the highest figure" -> "roads have had and will continue to have the highest number"
    Explanation: Using "had" and "continue to have" instead of "have and will have" provides a smoother flow and maintains tense consistency.

  4. "People will increasingly travel" -> "There will be a growing trend of people traveling"
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more formal and refined structure by starting the sentence with "There will be a growing trend" and replacing "increasingly travel" with "of people traveling."

  5. "despite a decrease from about 35 thousand" -> "although there was a decline from approximately 35 thousand"
    Explanation: Replacing "despite" with "although" and adding "was" enhances the coherence of the sentence and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "it is anticipated to grow considerably" -> "it is expected to undergo a significant increase"
    Explanation: Substituting "anticipated to grow considerably" with "expected to undergo a significant increase" provides a more precise and formal expression of the expected growth.

  7. "rocketing and reaching a peak at 25 thousand in 2010" -> "surging and peaking at 25 thousand in 2010"
    Explanation: Changing "rocketing" to "surging" maintains the meaning while using a more formal term, and "reaching a peak" is replaced with "peaking" for conciseness.

  8. "declined by around 10 thousand back to the initial figure" -> "declined by approximately 10 thousand to return to the initial figure"
    Explanation: The suggested change adds clarity by specifying the direction of the decline ("to return") and using "approximately" for a more precise measurement.

  9. "forecast to continue experiencing a sharp drop" -> "projected to sustain a pronounced decrease"
    Explanation: Substituting "forecast to continue experiencing a sharp drop" with "projected to sustain a pronounced decrease" provides a more formal and specific description of the expected trend.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay falls within the Band 7 descriptor as it adequately covers the requirements of the task. It provides a clear overview of the main trends in visitor transportation to the New Zealand town and makes relevant comparisons. The essay appropriately highlights key features, such as the increase in air and road travel and the decline in rail travel, supporting its analysis with specific data points.

How to improve:
To reach a higher band score, consider providing more detailed explanations for the trends observed in the graph. While the essay mentions the general increase in air and road travel and the decrease in rail travel, providing additional insights into the factors influencing these trends or potential consequences could enhance the analysis. Additionally, ensure that the language used is more varied and precise, and pay attention to grammar and punctuation to improve overall coherence and fluency.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay displays logical organization and clear progression in presenting the information about visitor trends to a New Zealand town. There is a clear introduction that provides an overview of the data depicted in the graph. The essay effectively distinguishes the trends for air, road, and rail travel over the years, discussing both historical data and future predictions. Each paragraph focuses on a specific mode of transportation, aiding in clarity and coherence.

Cohesive devices are utilized to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall coherence. Transition phrases like "Overall," and "As for the former," aid in guiding the reader through different points in the essay. Additionally, the essay maintains a clear central topic within each paragraph, discussing trends for each mode of travel distinctly.

How to improve:
To enhance cohesion further, consider integrating more varied cohesive devices or connectors to strengthen the relationship between sentences and ideas. Expanding on the transitions between paragraphs can create a smoother flow between different segments of the essay. Additionally, while the essay is generally well-structured, ensuring a more consistent approach to paragraphing throughout the essay could improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, effectively conveying information regarding the line graph depicting visitor percentages to a New Zealand town. There’s a satisfactory use of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "depicts," "overall," "anticipated," "downward trend," "rocketing," and "forecast," contributing to a clear presentation of ideas. Additionally, the essay attempts to convey precise meanings, using varying vocabulary to describe trends in air, road, and rail travel. Less common lexical items are employed, displaying some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the essay’s coherence.

However, there are occasional errors in word choice and expression that slightly affect the accuracy. For instance, the use of "will rise their tendency" could be improved to "will increase their inclination." Also, some sentences could benefit from more varied vocabulary to enhance the fluency and sophistication of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and potentially reach a higher band score, consider incorporating a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary to describe trends and predictions. Vary sentence structures and lexical choices to convey ideas more fluently and precisely. Ensure accuracy in word choice to avoid occasional errors and strive for more sophistication in expression. Practice using idiomatic phrases or expressions to add depth to the language used. Overall, focus on enhancing vocabulary diversity, accuracy, and precision in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures. The candidate has effectively employed a mix of sentence forms, including simple and complex sentences. There is good control of grammar and punctuation, evident in the coherent expression of ideas. While there are some minor errors in usage and mechanics, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively summarizes the information from the line graph and makes relevant comparisons, showcasing a sound command of grammatical structures.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the candidate should aim to reduce minor errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and preposition usage. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate occasional inaccuracies, ensuring a consistently high level of grammatical precision. Furthermore, incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures can contribute to achieving a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the percentage of visitors traveling to a town in New Zealand by air, rail, and road from the year 2000 to the projected figures for 2035. In summarizing the information, the main trends and comparisons will be highlighted in this improved report.

Introduction:
The line graph delineates the visitor distribution to a New Zealand town via air, rail, and road, spanning the years 2000 to the forecasted data for 2035.

Overview:
In general, it is evident that there will be a notable increase in the preference for air and road travel among tourists, whereas the opposite holds true for rail transportation. Notably, road transport dominates both historically and in the predicted figures, maintaining the highest visitor figures throughout the period.

Detailed Analysis:
Beginning with road travel, despite a slight decrease from approximately 35 thousand visitors in 2000 to nearly 30 thousand after two decades, there is a projected upswing to around 40 thousand visitors by road in 2035. A parallel trajectory is observed in air travel, with the number of visitors soaring from around 21 thousand in 2000 to an anticipated surge of about 36 thousand in the subsequent 15 years.

Conversely, a declining trend is noticeable in rail travel. Commencing at approximately 18 thousand visitors, this figure remained stagnant for five years before experiencing a substantial surge, reaching a peak at 25 thousand in 2010. However, a subsequent decline brought the numbers back to the initial figure of around 18 thousand. Forecasts indicate a continued downward trajectory, hitting the lowest point in 2035, with a projection of nearly 10 thousand visitors opting for rail travel.

In conclusion, the line graph provides a comprehensive overview of the changing patterns in visitor distribution to a New Zealand town by air, rail, and road. Roads emerge as the most favored mode of transportation, exhibiting an upward trajectory, while rail travel experiences a persistent decline.

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