The line graph shows the percentages of Australian exports with four countries.

The chart illustrates the proportions of goods exported from Australia to four distinct nations namely Japan, the US, China and India from 1990 to 2012.
Overall, there was an upward trend in Australian exports to the US and India while an opposite pattern was true for the other two countries. Moreover, initially being the leading importer, Japan was eventually surpassed by China in the latter period.
Regarding the first year, Japan imported the most Australian merchandise, about 26%, which was 15% higher than that of the second ranked – US, whereas China and India recorded a relatively similar starting point, at around 3%. Nevertheless, the figure for Japan experienced a significant drop to a low of 18% in 2002, in which Chinese rate ultimately overtook that of Japanese after a steady rise from 1990 onwards. Then, although the percentage of Australian exports to Japan remained stable, the quantity for China constantly increased and reached its peak of around 26% in the final year.
Concerning the remaining two destinations, having hovered around 1% in the first decade, India had imported more goods from Australia by 2000, notably peaking at 7% in 2010. Unlike Japan, the share of American imports from Australia consistently fluctuated around 6% and 11%, consequently, finishing at 7% in 2012.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"namely Japan, the US, China and India" -> "namely Japan, the United States, China, and India"
Explanation: Adding "United States" instead of "the US" enhances formality and clarity in academic writing by avoiding contractions and using the full name of the country.
"an upward trend" -> "an increasing trend"
Explanation: "Increasing trend" is a more precise and formal term that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe changes over time.
"an opposite pattern" -> "a contrasting pattern"
Explanation: "Contrasting pattern" is more specific and academically appropriate than "opposite pattern," which can be seen as vague and informal.
"initially being the leading importer" -> "initially, the leading importer"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "initially" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and clear.
"was eventually surpassed by China" -> "was eventually surpassed by China"
Explanation: This change corrects a grammatical error by removing the unnecessary comma after "China," aligning with formal writing standards.
"Regarding the first year" -> "In the first year"
Explanation: "In the first year" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a discussion about a specific time period.
"relatively similar starting point" -> "similar starting point"
Explanation: Removing "relatively" simplifies the phrase and maintains the academic tone by avoiding unnecessary adverbs that can make the text seem less formal.
"a significant drop" -> "a substantial decline"
Explanation: "Substantial decline" is a more precise and formal term than "significant drop," which is somewhat colloquial.
"a low of 18%" -> "a low of 18 percent"
Explanation: Adding "percent" clarifies the unit of measurement, enhancing the formality and precision of the statement.
"the quantity for China constantly increased" -> "the quantity of goods exported to China consistently increased"
Explanation: Adding "of goods exported to" clarifies the subject and action, making the sentence more specific and formal.
"hovered around 1%" -> "remained relatively constant at approximately 1%"
Explanation: "Remained relatively constant at approximately 1%" is a more precise and formal way to describe stability in data, enhancing the academic tone.
"notably peaking at 7%" -> "notably reaching a peak of 7%"
Explanation: "Reaching a peak of" is a more formal and precise expression than "peaking at," which is slightly informal and less specific.
"consistently fluctuated around 6% and 11%" -> "consistently varied between 6% and 11%"
Explanation: "Varied between" is more precise and formal than "fluctuated around," which can be seen as too casual for academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the upward trend in exports to the US and India and the downward trend in exports to Japan and China. The essay also clearly presents and highlights key features, such as the fact that Japan was initially the leading importer but was eventually surpassed by China. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the trends, such as the rate of change in exports to each country.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that exports to the US increased by approximately 2% from 1990 to 2012, while exports to Japan decreased by approximately 8% over the same period. The essay could also provide more specific details about the key features, such as the fact that China’s share of Australian exports increased from 3% in 1990 to 26% in 2012.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout the response. It presents a central topic within each paragraph, which helps guide the reader through the analysis of the data. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where the connection between ideas could be clearer, indicating some under- or over-use. Overall, the essay effectively communicates the trends in Australian exports, but minor improvements in cohesion could elevate the score.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions logically to the next would improve overall flow. Clarifying references and avoiding repetitive phrases would also strengthen the essay’s cohesiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying information about the graph. It includes less common lexical items such as "proportions," "upward trend," "significant drop," and "hovered," which shows an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "the opposite pattern was true for the other two countries," which could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Chinese rate ultimately overtook that of Japanese," which lacks clarity. Overall, while the vocabulary used is adequate for the task, it does not consistently demonstrate the sophistication or precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further, particularly with synonyms and phrases that convey precise meanings. Practicing the use of more sophisticated and varied vocabulary in context can help reduce the frequency of awkward phrasing. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will improve clarity and precision. Engaging with a wider range of academic texts can also provide exposure to more complex vocabulary and collocations, which can be beneficial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, although there are a few errors present. For instance, the phrase "the opposite pattern was true for the other two countries" could be clearer, and there are minor punctuation issues, such as the use of commas. Overall, the grammatical range is adequate, but the presence of some errors prevents it from achieving a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on reducing errors in punctuation and sentence structure. Practicing the use of more varied sentence types, including conditional and relative clauses, can also help. Additionally, proofreading the essay to catch minor mistakes before submission would contribute to achieving a higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the proportions of goods exported from Australia to four distinct nations, namely Japan, the US, China, and India, from 1990 to 2012. Overall, there was an upward trend in Australian exports to the US and India, while an opposite pattern was observed for the other two countries. Moreover, Japan, initially the leading importer, was eventually surpassed by China in the latter period.

In the first year, Japan imported the most Australian merchandise, at about 26%, which was 15% higher than that of the second-ranked US. Meanwhile, China and India recorded relatively similar starting points, at around 3%. Nevertheless, the figure for Japan experienced a significant drop to a low of 18% in 2002, at which point the Chinese rate ultimately overtook that of Japan after a steady rise from 1990 onwards. Although the percentage of Australian exports to Japan remained stable thereafter, the quantity for China constantly increased, reaching its peak of around 26% in the final year.

Regarding the remaining two destinations, India, which had hovered around 1% in the first decade, imported more goods from Australia by 2000, notably peaking at 7% in 2010. Unlike Japan, the share of American imports from Australia consistently fluctuated between 6% and 11%, ultimately finishing at 7% in 2012.