The map below illustrates the changes that took place in the town of Northbridge from 1995 to the present.

The map displays how a town in Northbridge has changed from 1995 to the present.

Overall, the town has transformed significantly from a rural area to a residential area by adding more housing and amenities.

Housing in the southwest of the town has remained unchanged with the addition of more houses. Shops to the south were demolished and restaurants have been built there. Similarly, the fish market which was opposite the shops was knocked down to make way for apartments. Furthermore, a residential road has been erected to the west of the tennis courts. The fishing port in the south along the seashore was also removed completely.

Farmland and forest park to the southeast of the map were demolished to give way for golf field and tennis courts. Moreover, the hotel in the south of the forest park has remained untouched and a car park has been constructed next to it. The café, which is across the road from the hotel and car park still stays where it was.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Displays" -> "Illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more sophisticated synonym for "displays," which enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"Transformed significantly" -> "Underwent substantial transformation"
Explanation: "Underwent substantial transformation" is a more formal and precise phrase than "transformed significantly," providing a richer description of the change.
"Housing" -> "Residential properties"
Explanation: "Residential properties" is a more specific term than "housing," providing a clearer description of the subject.
"Knocked down" -> "Demolished"
Explanation: "Demolished" is a more precise and formal term for the destruction of buildings, enhancing the clarity and sophistication of the sentence.
"Erected" -> "Constructed"
Explanation: "Constructed" is a more common and precise term for building roads, enhancing clarity and readability.
"Removed completely" -> "Completely demolished"
Explanation: "Completely demolished" provides a more vivid and formal description of the removal of the fishing port, improving the clarity of the sentence.
"Demolished" -> "Cleared"
Explanation: "Cleared" is a more descriptive and formal term for the removal of land features, providing a clearer description of the action.
"Café" -> "Bistro"
Explanation: "Bistro" is a more sophisticated synonym for "café," adding variety to the vocabulary and enhancing the formality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main changes that occurred in the town of Northbridge from 1995 to the present. Key features such as the transformation of the town from rural to residential, the addition of housing and amenities, and the demolition and construction of various structures are appropriately highlighted.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend the discussion of each change with more specific details, such as the extent of housing additions or the types of amenities added. Additionally, providing more precise language to describe the changes, such as the scale of demolition or the size of newly constructed features, would enhance clarity and depth of analysis.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information, with a clear progression from discussing changes in housing and amenities to transformations in farmland and parks. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas and maintain coherence, such as "Similarly," and "Furthermore." The central topics within each paragraph are evident, focusing on specific areas of change within the town. Additionally, the essay skillfully manages paragraphing, allowing for the discussion of different aspects of the map in separate paragraphs.
How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating a more varied range of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that referencing and pronoun use are consistent throughout the essay to avoid any potential confusion for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. The writer describes changes in the town using a variety of terms such as "transformed," "erected," "demolished," "removed," and "constructed." While there are some inaccuracies and repetitive use of vocabulary (e.g., "houses" and "shops"), the vocabulary choice generally suits the task. Additionally, the writer attempts to use descriptive terms like "residential road" and "fishing port," which contribute to the lexical variety. However, there are occasional errors in word choice (e.g., "knocked down" instead of "demolished") and word formation (e.g., "erected" instead of "constructed"). These errors do not impede communication significantly but slightly affect the clarity and precision of expression.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should strive for more diverse and precise vocabulary choices. Instead of repetitive terms like "houses," they could use synonyms such as "residences," "dwellings," or "homes." Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice accuracy and using appropriate terms like "demolished" instead of colloquial expressions like "knocked down" would improve the lexical sophistication. Finally, maintaining consistency in word formation and using terms that are more fitting for the context would further enhance lexical accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering various aspects of the town’s transformation. There is a good attempt to use a variety of structures, including descriptions of changes in different locations. While some sentences are error-free, there are noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. However, these errors do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more complex sentence structures and ensure consistent attention to grammar and punctuation. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct errors, improving clarity and precision in communication. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures could elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided map delineates the evolution of Northbridge town from 1995 to the present.

Overall, Northbridge has undergone a substantial transformation, transitioning from a rural landscape to a predominantly residential area, characterized by the introduction of additional housing and amenities.

In the southwestern part of the town, the housing sector has witnessed growth, with the addition of more residential units. Conversely, the shops located to the south have been demolished to pave the way for the construction of restaurants. Similarly, the fish market, situated opposite the shops, has been replaced by apartment buildings. Additionally, a new residential road has been established to the west of the existing tennis courts. The fishing port, located along the southern shoreline, has been completely removed.

To the southeast of the map, both farmland and a forest park have been cleared to accommodate the development of a golf course and tennis courts. Notably, the hotel situated to the south of the forest park remains intact, with a newly constructed car park adjacent to it. Furthermore, the café, positioned across the road from the hotel and car park, remains in its original location.