The map below shows the changes that have taken place at a zoo in Australia between 1960 and now. summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The map below shows the changes that have taken place at a zoo in Australia between 1960 and now. summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The given diagrams illustrate how the layout of a zoo has changed since 1960.
In general, the zoo has undergone significant changes and has become a much more attractive area for tourists with some new interesting facilities.
In the north of the map, a gift shop has been upgraded by becoming bigger in size and having additional decorations in its appearance. Moreover, there was a spacious space to the east of the shop where a cable car system has been installed, corresponding to the changing position of a seal show which is relocated to a chimpanzee’s area located behind the shop. Not only the chimpanzees’ site has been removed but a bird area, located in the north, has been demolished too.
In addition, the zone for African fauna at the northwest corner has been converted into a new wild animals’ area. Even though a picnic area to the east of the zoo has remained relatively unchanged, the zoo has been constructed two additional entrance gates in both the north and south side of it. Finally, the harbor has been moved westwards to make way for building a new ferry port, allowing passengers to visit the zoo by ferries.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the given diagrams illustrate" -> "the provided diagrams illustrate"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "given," which can sound somewhat informal and less precise. -
"has become a much more attractive area for tourists with some new interesting facilities" -> "has evolved into a more appealing destination for tourists with several new attractions"
Explanation: "Evolved into a more appealing destination" is more precise and formal than "become a much more attractive area," and "several new attractions" is more specific than "some new interesting facilities." -
"has been upgraded by becoming bigger in size and having additional decorations in its appearance" -> "has been upgraded by increasing in size and incorporating additional decorative elements"
Explanation: "Increasing in size and incorporating additional decorative elements" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "bigger in size and having additional decorations." -
"a spacious space to the east of the shop" -> "a large open area east of the shop"
Explanation: "Large open area" is more specific and formal than "spacious space," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"corresponding to the changing position of a seal show" -> "in conjunction with the relocation of the seal show"
Explanation: "In conjunction with the relocation of the seal show" is more formal and precise, clearly indicating the relationship between the actions. -
"Not only the chimpanzees’ site has been removed but a bird area, located in the north, has been demolished too" -> "Not only was the chimpanzee enclosure removed but also the bird area in the north was demolished"
Explanation: "Was the chimpanzee enclosure removed" and "was demolished" are more formal and precise, improving clarity and formality. -
"the zone for African fauna at the northwest corner has been converted into a new wild animals’ area" -> "the area for African fauna in the northwest corner has been repurposed as a new wild animal enclosure"
Explanation: "Repurposed as a new wild animal enclosure" is more specific and formal than "converted into a new wild animals’ area," and "in the northwest corner" is more precise than "at the northwest corner." -
"Even though a picnic area to the east of the zoo has remained relatively unchanged" -> "Despite the picnic area to the east of the zoo remaining largely unchanged"
Explanation: "Despite the picnic area remaining largely unchanged" is more formal and academically appropriate than "Even though a picnic area has remained relatively unchanged." -
"the zoo has been constructed two additional entrance gates" -> "the zoo has been constructed with two additional entrance gates"
Explanation: "With two additional entrance gates" is grammatically correct and more formal than "two additional entrance gates," which is awkwardly phrased. -
"Finally, the harbor has been moved westwards to make way for building a new ferry port" -> "Finally, the harbor has been relocated westward to accommodate the construction of a new ferry port"
Explanation: "Relocated westward to accommodate the construction of a new ferry port" is more formal and precise, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes that have taken place at the zoo. The essay also presents some key features, such as the addition of a cable car system and the relocation of the seal show. However, the essay does not fully cover all of the key features, and some of the details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the harbor has been moved westwards to make way for a new ferry port, but the map shows that the harbor has remained in the same location.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes that have taken place at the zoo. The essay should also focus on the key features of the map and avoid irrelevant details. For example, the essay could mention that the zoo has been expanded to include a new wild animals’ area, and that the entrance gates have been moved to the north and south sides of the zoo. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the changes that have taken place. For example, the essay should state that the harbor has remained in the same location, and that the ferry port has been built in a new location.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the description of changes. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, particularly in how the information is grouped, which affects the clarity of the central topics within each paragraph.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph centers around a single theme or topic. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth will help to create a more natural flow. Finally, clearer referencing and substitution can reduce repetition and improve overall clarity.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "a spacious space" and "the zoo has been constructed two additional entrance gates," which should be "the zoo has constructed two additional entrance gates." There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation that do not impede communication but do detract from the overall quality of the writing.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and varied word choices. Additionally, paying attention to collocation and ensuring correct word forms will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common vocabulary in context can also help to convey meanings more fluently and flexibly. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in spelling and grammar can improve the overall impression of lexical resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the zoo has been constructed two additional entrance gates" are grammatically incorrect and could confuse the reader. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas that could improve sentence clarity. Overall, the communication is maintained, but the errors are noticeable and detract from the overall quality of the writing.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
- Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission. This can help catch mistakes that may reduce clarity.
- Clarity and Precision: Aim for more precise language. For example, rephrase awkward constructions to enhance readability and ensure that the intended meaning is clear.
- Practice: Regularly practice writing essays on different topics to build confidence and improve grammatical accuracy over time.
Bài sửa mẫu
The given diagrams illustrate how the layout of a zoo has changed since 1960.
In general, the zoo has undergone significant changes and has become a much more attractive area for tourists, featuring several new and interesting facilities.
In the northern part of the map, the gift shop has been enlarged and enhanced with additional decorations. Moreover, there is now a spacious area to the east of the shop where a cable car system has been installed, corresponding to the new position of the seal show, which has been relocated to the chimpanzee area situated behind the shop. Not only has the chimpanzee site been removed, but a bird area located in the north has also been demolished.
Additionally, the zone for African fauna in the northwest corner has been transformed into a new wild animals’ area. Although the picnic area to the east of the zoo has remained relatively unchanged, two new entrance gates have been constructed on both the northern and southern sides. Finally, the harbor has been moved westward to make way for a new ferry port, allowing passengers to visit the zoo by ferry.
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