The map shows the development of the town of Stromer from 1995 to the present time.
The maps illustrate the growth of a town called Stromer in terms of its urban planning from 1995 to the present day.
Overall, it is noteworthy that the town has developed drastically with a significant number of new infrastructures. However, this has been done at the expense of its green space and farmland.
Firstly, it is evident that a better road system has been implemented, which is in stark contrast to the design in 1995 where there was only one road in the same direction. Moreover, compared to just one single shop in 1995, many shops have been erected, surrounding a newly built school in the town center. Additionally, an airport has also been introduced in the northeast.
In terms of accommodation, there were only two areas in 1995, but this number has grown dramatically ever since. Specifically, more housing areas have appeared in the north, south, and east of the city. Contrary to the emergence of new infrastructures, the green space and farmland of Stromer have shrunk more than half of their size in the past to make room for the town’s development.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"growth of a town called Stromer" -> "expansion of the town named Stromer"
Explanation: "Expansion" is a more precise and formal term to describe the development of a town in this context.
"it is noteworthy that" -> "it is worth noting that"
Explanation: "It is worth noting that" is a more concise and formal way to express the same idea.
"drastically" -> "significantly"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more precise and formal synonym for "drastically."
"many shops have been erected" -> "numerous shops have been established"
Explanation: "Established" is a more formal and appropriate word to describe the creation of shops.
"erected" -> "constructed"
Explanation: "Constructed" is a more formal and precise word to describe the building of shops.
"housing areas have appeared" -> "residential areas have emerged"
Explanation: "Emerged" is a more sophisticated term to describe the appearance of residential areas.
"Contrary to the emergence of new infrastructures" -> "In contrast to the development of new infrastructure"
Explanation: "Development" is a more accurate term for the creation of infrastructure, and "in contrast to" is a more formal way to express the opposition.
"shrunk more than half of their size" -> "decreased by more than half in size"
Explanation: "Decreased by more than half in size" is a more precise and formal way to convey the reduction of green space and farmland.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay provides a clear overview of the development of the town of Stromer from 1995 to the present time, touching upon key aspects such as road systems, shops, a school, an airport, and housing areas. It effectively addresses the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends and changes in the town’s urban planning.
The essay highlights key features such as the expansion of the road network, the increase in the number of shops, the introduction of a school, and the emergence of an airport. It also mentions the growth in housing areas. These points are presented clearly and appropriately, contributing to a well-structured response.
However, there is room for improvement in fully extending the discussion of key features. While the essay mentions the growth of housing areas, it could benefit from more detailed information or statistics to provide a deeper understanding of this aspect. Additionally, it mentions the reduction in green space and farmland, but this point could be elaborated further.
Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 by covering the requirements of the task, presenting a clear overview of main trends, and clearly presenting and highlighting key features. To achieve a higher band score, the essay could provide more specific details and extend the discussion of key features.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a moderate level of coherence and cohesion, earning it a Band 6.
Overall Coherence: The essay maintains a clear overall progression, beginning with an introduction that sets the context and providing a general overview of the town’s development. It discusses the changes in the town’s infrastructure and green spaces in a logical sequence.
Cohesive Devices: The essay effectively uses cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Moreover," "Additionally," "Contrary to") to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall flow of the essay. However, there is room for improvement as some sentences could benefit from more precise linking to enhance clarity and cohesion.
Paragraphing: The essay uses paragraphing to separate different aspects of the town’s development, but the organization of paragraphs could be more logical. For example, the information about the road system, shops, and the school could have been grouped together to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Referencing: The essay generally references the changes in Stromer’s development clearly, especially when comparing 1995 to the present. However, there could be more explicit referencing in certain places to enhance clarity.
While the essay demonstrates clear overall progression and an effective use of cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph organization and more precise referencing. These improvements would elevate the essay to a higher band score.
How to improve:
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of Stromer’s development. Group related information together to enhance coherence.
- Use more explicit referencing when comparing or contrasting information from different time periods.
- Pay attention to sentence-level cohesion by using a wider range of transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. This will further improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of vocabulary throughout the text, which falls within the criteria for Band 7. It employs a sufficient range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and shows some awareness of style and collocation. Phrases such as "drastically," "erected," "introduced," "accommodation," "emergence," and "shrunk" contribute to the variety and precision of vocabulary. However, there are a few minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "surrounding a newly built school" (it would be more accurate to say "surrounding the newly built school"). Additionally, the phrase "two areas in 1995" could benefit from a more specific description. Nonetheless, these issues are relatively minor and do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for even more precise word choices and collocations. Careful proofreading for minor inaccuracies and minor errors in word choice can help elevate the vocabulary to a Band 8 level. Additionally, providing specific details about the "two areas in 1995" and offering more nuanced descriptions can add depth to the vocabulary and content.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex sentence structures used effectively throughout the text. There are frequent error-free sentences, indicating a solid grasp of grammatical rules and punctuation. The essay effectively communicates its ideas without major grammatical issues.
How to improve: To reach a higher band score, the writer could aim for even greater accuracy and complexity in their sentence structures. They might also focus on refining their vocabulary and ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Additionally, a more detailed and in-depth analysis of the map’s features and trends could enhance the overall content of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided maps depict the evolution of Stromer, a town, in terms of its urban development from 1995 to the present day. Overall, it is evident that significant advancements have occurred in the town’s infrastructure. However, this progress has come at the expense of green spaces and farmland.
To begin with, a noticeable improvement is the implementation of a more comprehensive road network, which is a stark departure from the single road present in 1995. Moreover, the town center has witnessed substantial changes, with multiple shops now surrounding a newly constructed school. Additionally, an airport has been introduced in the northeast region.
Regarding residential areas, only two were present in 1995, but this number has seen a dramatic increase. New housing developments have emerged in the north, south, and east of the city. Unfortunately, this expansion of urban areas has led to a reduction of more than half in the size of green spaces and farmland in Stromer, as they have made way for the town’s development.
In conclusion, the transformation of Stromer over the years is evident in the significant improvements in infrastructure and the expansion of residential areas. However, this has been accompanied by a substantial reduction in green spaces and farmland.