The maps below show Hunfderstone town at present and a proposed plan for it.

The provided maps illustrate the proposed changes that are set to take place in the town of Hunderstone.
Overall, while the eastern side of the town remains almost the same, there will be some significant transformations to be implemented in the western part, mainly concerning transport infrastructure.
Currently, the town is divided into two areas by a railway line that traverses from the north to the south and passed through a gas station. To the west of the railway is an airfield, which is linked to the main road (A2). This A2 road is connected to the eastern part of the town by a roundabout, which is also links the town center's ring road.
In the future, the northwestern airfield of Hunderstone Town is expected to be replaced by an industrial estate. Further access to this area will be provided through a newly constructed path running from the railway line. Moreover, a larger roundabout will be built midway long the road that connects the town's eastern and western sides. A new road (A4) is planned to be constructed in the southern part of the town, providing even more access from the A2 road to the town center.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided maps illustrate the proposed changes" -> "The maps provided illustrate the planned changes"
Explanation: Replacing "the provided" with "the" and "proposed" with "planned" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence, aligning it better with academic language standards.
"set to take place" -> "scheduled to occur"
Explanation: "Scheduled to occur" is more precise and formal than "set to take place," which is slightly informal and less specific.
"almost the same" -> "largely unchanged"
Explanation: "Largely unchanged" is a more formal and precise term that better conveys the intended meaning in an academic context.
"significant transformations" -> "substantial alterations"
Explanation: "Substantial alterations" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic style, replacing the slightly informal "significant transformations."
"mainly concerning transport infrastructure" -> "primarily involving transportation infrastructure"
Explanation: "Primarily involving transportation infrastructure" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Currently, the town is divided" -> "Currently, the town is segregated"
Explanation: "Segregated" is a more precise term than "divided," which is somewhat vague and less formal in this context.
"passed through a gas station" -> "adjacent to a gas station"
Explanation: "Adjacent to a gas station" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the relationship between the railway and the gas station.
"This A2 road is connected to the eastern part of the town by a roundabout" -> "The A2 road connects the eastern part of the town via a roundabout"
Explanation: Changing to "The A2 road connects the eastern part of the town via a roundabout" removes the pronoun "This," which is less formal and more specific, improving the sentence structure.
"which is also links" -> "which also links"
Explanation: Removing "is" before "also" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and correct.
"northwestern airfield of Hunderstone Town" -> "northwestern airfield in Hunderstone Town"
Explanation: "In" is more appropriate than "of" when referring to a location within a town, which is more accurate and formal.
"expected to be replaced" -> "planned to be replaced"
Explanation: "Planned" is more specific and formal than "expected," which is somewhat vague and less precise in this context.
"midway long the road" -> "midway along the road"
Explanation: "Along" is the correct preposition to use with "midway," providing a more natural and grammatically correct expression.
"A new road (A4) is planned to be constructed" -> "A new road, designated as A4, is planned for construction"
Explanation: "Designated as A4" and "planned for construction" enhance the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning it better with academic standards.

These changes refine the vocabulary and syntax to better suit an academic essay, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes to the town of Hunderstone. The essay also presents some key features of the changes, such as the replacement of the airfield with an industrial estate and the construction of a new road. However, the essay does not fully highlight all of the key features of the changes, and some of the details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the railway line passes through a gas station, but this is not shown on the maps.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the changes, highlighting all of the key features of the changes, and ensuring that all of the details are accurate and relevant. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying that the airfield is "expected to be replaced," the essay could say that the airfield is "proposed to be replaced."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression from the current state of Hunderstone to the proposed changes. Each paragraph addresses specific aspects of the maps, with a clear central topic in each. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances of slight under-use, which could affect the overall fluidity of the text. The paragraphing is generally effective, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. This could involve varying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Additionally, providing clearer references to the maps and their features throughout the essay could strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the main ideas regarding the maps of Hunderstone. The use of terms like "transformations," "infrastructure," and "industrial estate" shows an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "passed" instead of "passing" and "long" instead of "along," which detract from the overall precision. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation that do not impede communication but indicate a need for improvement in lexical control.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This can be achieved by practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items, ensuring correct collocations, and refining spelling and word formation. Additionally, reviewing and editing the essay for minor errors before submission can help improve overall clarity and sophistication in language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "which is also links" should be corrected to "which also links," indicating a slight error in verb agreement. Overall, the grammatical range is adequate for a Band 7, as the essay effectively communicates the intended information with clarity, despite some minor inaccuracies.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the variety of grammatical structures used, incorporating more complex sentences and subordinate clauses. Additionally, minimizing errors, such as the aforementioned verb agreement issue, will contribute to a more polished and accurate presentation of ideas. Regular practice with complex sentence formation and thorough proofreading can help in this regard.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the town is divided into two areas by a railway line that traverses from north to south and passes through a gas station. To the west of the railway is an airfield, which is linked to the main road (A2). This A2 road is connected to the eastern part of the town by a roundabout, which also links to the town center’s ring road.

In the future, the northwestern airfield of Hunderstone is expected to be replaced by an industrial estate. Further access to this area will be provided through a newly constructed path running from the railway line. Moreover, a larger roundabout will be built midway along the road that connects the town’s eastern and western sides. A new road (A4) is planned to be constructed in the southern part of the town, providing even more access from the A2 road to the town center.