The maps below show the CENTRE OF A SMALL TOWN CALLED ISLIP as it is now, and plans for its development. Summarise the information and reporting the main features, and make comparision while relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The maps below show the CENTRE OF A SMALL TOWN CALLED ISLIP as it is now, and plans for its development. Summarise the information and reporting the main features, and make comparision while relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The images demonstrate the layout of the Islip town center now and its development.

Overall, numerous upgrades have been planned for Islip, the most noticeable changes will be placed in the center of the pictures.

At first glance, the town will be developed as the main town center which built a dual carriageway stretched from the west to the east of the map surrounding the heart of the Islip town. Especially, many accommodations will be built around the map. Furthermore, the shops will be expanded on the top north side for a new bus stop. Turning to the residential area, it will be equipped with new facilities such as a car park and new housing. Moreover, the main road will be used for pedestrians only.

With regard to the South of the map, there will be no change in terms of the chain of stores. Right below the stores is the housing area which is going to receive an upgrade on the east side, turning half of the buildings into the new housing sector. Moving to the south-east, due to the construction of the dual carriageway, there will be limited territory for the park which will be shrunk to a quarter of today’s area. Last but not least, in the southwest of the map, the school remains unchanged, nevertheless, both the school and the housing sector next to it will be connected by the main road.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"numerous upgrades" -> "significant enhancements"
Explanation: "Upgrades" is a common term, but "enhancements" conveys a sense of improvement with a more refined vocabulary choice, fitting the formal tone of the essay.
"noticed" -> "observed"
Explanation: "Observed" is a more formal and precise term than "noticed," enhancing the sophistication of the language used in the essay.
"built a dual carriageway" -> "constructed a dual carriageway"
Explanation: "Built" is appropriate, but "constructed" adds variety and formality to the language, maintaining clarity in the context of urban development.
"especially" -> "particularly"
Explanation: While "especially" is correct, "particularly" offers a more precise and formal alternative, aligning better with the tone of the essay.
"many accommodations" -> "various accommodations"
Explanation: "Many" is somewhat vague, while "various" adds specificity and sophistication to the description of the accommodations planned for the area.
"the top north side" -> "the northernmost side"
Explanation: "Top north side" is colloquial; "northernmost side" is more precise and formal, enhancing clarity and sophistication.
"new facilities such as" -> "modern amenities including"
Explanation: "Facilities such as" is adequate, but "modern amenities including" adds a touch of sophistication and specificity to the description of the new features.
"housing sector" -> "residential district"
Explanation: "Housing sector" is appropriate, but "residential district" offers a more refined and formal term, fitting the tone of the essay.
"shrunken" -> "reduced"
Explanation: "Shrunken" is less formal than "reduced" and may sound colloquial in this context, whereas "reduced" maintains formality and clarity.
"nevertheless" -> "however"
Explanation: "Nevertheless" is suitable, but "however" is a more common and formal transition word, enhancing the flow and coherence of the essay.
"connected by" -> "linked via"
Explanation: "Connected by" is accurate, but "linked via" adds variety and formality to the language, maintaining clarity in describing the connection between the school and the housing sector.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task by summarizing the information provided in the maps of the town center of Islip and its planned development. It provides an overview of the main changes, such as the construction of a dual carriageway, new accommodations, expanded shops, and residential area upgrades. Key features and changes are highlighted, including the conversion of some buildings into a new housing sector and the impact on the park’s size due to road construction. However, there are instances where details could be clearer, and some information lacks specificity.

How to improve:
To improve, ensure that the descriptions are more precise and specific. Provide more detailed information about the planned developments, such as the types of accommodations and facilities to be added. Additionally, clarify any ambiguous statements to enhance the overall coherence and accuracy of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, starting with an overview of the maps and then discussing changes in various areas of the town. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between different parts of the map without a clear sequencing of information. While there are attempts to use cohesive devices, they are inadequate and at times repetitive. The essay does utilize some paragraphing, but it’s not always logical or consistent.
How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on organizing information in a more logical sequence. Each paragraph should present a clear central topic and follow a logical progression. Cohesive devices should be used more effectively to connect ideas and improve flow. Additionally, ensuring consistent and appropriate use of paragraphing will enhance the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of the town’s current state and planned development. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "dual carriageway" and "accommodations," albeit with some inaccuracies in word choice and expression. For instance, the phrase "built a dual carriageway stretched" could be refined for better clarity. Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation and spelling, such as "comparision" instead of "comparison" and "upgrades have been planned for Islip" might be better expressed as "upgrades are planned for Islip." These errors do not severely impede communication but can be noticeable.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary more accurately. Ensure precise word choice and expression to convey meanings effectively. Proofread the essay carefully to correct spelling and word formation errors, thus improving overall coherence and clarity. Additionally, aim for smoother transitions between ideas for better cohesion in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, though some sentences lack complexity and are overly simplistic. There is an effort to include complex sentences, but they are not consistently accurate. Grammatical errors are noticeable throughout the essay, which can hinder comprehension at times. Punctuation is also faulty in several instances, impacting the clarity of the text.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, with greater accuracy. Proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring proper punctuation usage would enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, refining the complexity of sentences while maintaining accuracy would elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the current layout of Islip town center and proposed developments. Overall, significant changes are slated for Islip, with the focal alterations concentrated in the central region.

Initially, the main town center will undergo substantial redevelopment, featuring a dual carriageway extending from the western to the eastern boundaries, encircling the heart of Islip. Notably, multiple accommodations are planned surrounding this central area. Additionally, an expansion of shops is slated for the northern segment, coinciding with the introduction of a new bus stop. Concerning residential zones, enhancements will include the provision of new amenities such as a car park and additional housing units, with the main thoroughfare designated solely for pedestrian use.

In the southern sector, there will be minimal alterations to the chain of stores, while the adjacent residential district is set for upgrades, converting a portion of existing structures into new housing. Towards the southeast, the park’s area will be considerably reduced due to the dual carriageway construction, shrinking to a quarter of its current size. Lastly, in the southwest quadrant, the school remains unchanged; however, connectivity between the school and neighboring housing areas will be facilitated by the main road.