The maps below show the changes in a town after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam

Provided are the maps depicting how the town changed after some developments over a period of ten years starting from 1990.

Overall, it is obviously observed that the town was relatively transformed in a number of different ways. It became a modern town.

In the year 1990, there was a forest to the north-east of the town and the ancient structure was in close proximity to the forest. Moreover, it can be seen that the rare plants and animals were on the left-hand side of the River while the Irrigated Farmlands was to the east of the River. Additionally, there was the villages directly opposite the Irrigated Farmlands whereas the mountains surround the town.

Looking at the maps in more detail, it is evident that the River was relocated to the bottom of the town and it was surrounded by the electricity while the mountains to the south-east of the town was replaced by the villages over the following ten years. Meanwhile, the hydroelectronic was erected at the top of the River and the Irrigated Farmlands was replaced by the Hotel to the east of the town. Furthermore, the Lake was built to the north of the town and it was surrounded by the mountains.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Provided are the maps depicting how the town changed after some developments over a period of ten years starting from 1990." -> "The following maps illustrate the town’s transformation over a ten-year period, beginning in 1990."
Explanation: "Provided are" is less direct and formal than "The following maps illustrate." "Depicting how the town changed after some developments" can be simplified to "illustrate the town’s transformation." Using "starting from 1990" at the end of the sentence maintains clarity and conciseness.
"Overall, it is obviously observed that the town was relatively transformed in a number of different ways. It became a modern town." -> "Overall, it is evident that the town underwent significant transformation, becoming modern in several aspects."
Explanation: "Obviously observed" is redundant and can be replaced with "evident." "Relatively transformed" is vague and can be specified as "underwent significant transformation." Using "modern town" is fine, but specifying "modern in several aspects" adds detail.
"In the year 1990, there was a forest to the north-east of the town and the ancient structure was in close proximity to the forest." -> "In 1990, a forest lay to the northeast of the town, with an ancient structure situated nearby."
Explanation: "The year 1990" can be simplified to "In 1990." "There was a forest" can be more actively stated as "a forest lay." Using "to the north-east of the town" is fine, but rephrasing it to "northeast of the town" is more concise.
"Moreover, it can be seen that the rare plants and animals were on the left-hand side of the River while the Irrigated Farmlands was to the east of the River." -> "Furthermore, rare plants and animals were located on the left bank of the river, while the irrigated farmlands were situated to the east."
Explanation: "Moreover, it can be seen that" is wordy and can be simplified to "Furthermore." "On the left-hand side of the River" can be condensed to "on the left bank of the river." "While the Irrigated Farmlands was to the east of the River" can be improved by changing "was" to "were" to match the plural noun "Irrigated Farmlands."
"Additionally, there was the villages directly opposite the Irrigated Farmlands whereas the mountains surround the town." -> "Additionally, there were villages directly opposite the Irrigated Farmlands, while mountains surrounded the town."
Explanation: "There was the villages" should be "there were villages." "Directly opposite" is a more concise way to express the location of the villages. "Whereas the mountains surround the town" can be simplified to "while mountains surrounded the town."
"Looking at the maps in more detail, it is evident that the River was relocated to the bottom of the town and it was surrounded by the electricity while the mountains to the south-east of the town was replaced by the villages over the following ten years." -> "A closer examination of the maps reveals that the River was relocated to the town’s southern end and was bordered by power lines, while the mountains to the southeast of the town were replaced by villages over the next decade."
Explanation: "Looking at the maps in more detail" can be replaced with "A closer examination of the maps reveals that." "It is evident that the River was relocated to the bottom of the town" can be more directly stated as "the River was relocated to the town’s southern end." "It was surrounded by the electricity" is unclear; "surrounded by power lines" clarifies this. "The mountains to the south-east of the town was replaced by the villages over the following ten years" should be "the mountains to the southeast of the town were replaced by villages over the next decade" for subject-verb agreement and clarity.
"Meanwhile, the hydroelectronic was erected at the top of the River and the Irrigated Farmlands was replaced by the Hotel to the east of the town." -> "Meanwhile, a hydroelectric plant was constructed at the head of the river, and the irrigated farmlands were replaced by a hotel to the east of the town."
Explanation: "The hydroelectronic was erected at the top of the River" should be "a hydroelectric plant was constructed at the head of the river" for clarity. "The Irrigated Farmlands was replaced by the Hotel to the east of the town" should be "the irrigated farmlands were replaced by a hotel to the east of the town" for subject-verb agreement.
"Furthermore, the Lake was built to the north of the town and it was surrounded by the mountains." -> "Furthermore, a lake was constructed to the north of the town, surrounded by mountains."
Explanation: "The Lake was built" can be more actively stated as "a lake was constructed." Using "surrounded by the mountains" is fine, but specifying "surrounded by mountains" is more concise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to address the task by describing the changes in the town after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam. It provides some details about the initial state of the town and the changes that occurred over ten years. However, the description lacks specificity and clarity in several areas. For instance, while it mentions the relocation of the river and the construction of a hydroelectric dam, it fails to provide clear and detailed information about how these changes impacted the town. Additionally, some details provided, such as the placement of the mountains and the mention of rare plants and animals, seem irrelevant to the task.

How to improve:
To improve the essay, focus on providing a more detailed and structured description of the changes in the town. Clearly highlight the key features such as the relocation of the river, construction of the dam, and the resulting transformations in the town’s landscape and infrastructure. Avoid irrelevant details and ensure coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization by describing the changes in the town after the construction of the hydroelectric power dam. However, there are issues with overall progression and cohesion. The introduction lacks clarity and coherence, and the subsequent paragraphs lack logical sequencing of information. Some cohesive devices are used, but there is inconsistency and overuse of certain phrases ("it is obvious," "it can be seen"). Paragraphing is attempted but lacks logical coherence, with abrupt transitions between ideas.

How to improve:

Introduction: Provide a clearer and more concise introduction that outlines the main changes observed in the maps.
Logical Sequencing: Ensure a logical flow of information from one paragraph to another. Present information in a structured manner, possibly following the chronological order of changes depicted in the maps.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively and judiciously to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure cohesion within and between sentences.
Paragraphing: Maintain a logical organization of paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the town’s transformation. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition ("town," "River," "mountains") and minimal elaboration on the changes depicted in the maps. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "hydroelectronic" instead of "hydroelectric" and "Irrigated Farmlands" instead of "irrigated farmland." Additionally, there are occasional errors in word formation, like "electricity" instead of "electricity facilities" or "power facilities." Some sentences lack clarity or precision, affecting the overall coherence and effectiveness of vocabulary use.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, strive to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms to describe the changes depicted in the maps. Use synonyms and avoid repetitive language to convey ideas more effectively. Ensure accurate word choice and collocation by proofreading carefully and consulting a dictionary or thesaurus as needed. Focus on clarity and precision in expressing ideas to improve overall coherence and effectiveness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are limitations in the range of structures used, with some sentences lacking complexity and variety. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they tend to be less accurate, leading to occasional grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For instance, "it is obviously observed" could be simplified to "it is evident". Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and coherence, such as "it became a modern town," which lacks specificity and clarity. Overall, the essay displays a moderate range of grammatical structures, but the lack of accuracy and occasional errors hinder communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound-complex sentences. Practice using conjunctions, relative clauses, and other advanced grammatical structures to add complexity and depth to your writing. Additionally, pay attention to accuracy in word choice, verb tense consistency, and punctuation to ensure clear and effective communication. Proofreading carefully can help identify and correct errors, improving the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Here’s an improved version of the student’s IELTS Task 1 report, following the provided guidelines:

The maps provided depict the transformation of a town following several developments over a ten-year period, beginning in 1990.

Overall, it is clear that the town underwent significant changes, evolving into a more modernized setting.

In 1990, a forest was located to the northeast of the town, adjacent to an ancient structure. It is also notable that rare plants and animals inhabited the area to the west of the river, while irrigated farmlands were situated to the east. Across from the farmlands, villages were established, with mountains encircling the town.

Upon closer examination of the changes by 2000, several developments are apparent. The river was rerouted to the southern edge of the town, now encircled by new electrical infrastructure. The mountains that were once southeast of the town gave way to expanded village areas. At the river’s source, a hydroelectric power station was constructed. To the east, where previously there were irrigated farmlands, a hotel now stands. Additionally, a lake was created north of the town, surrounded by the mountains that once bordered other parts of the town.

This detailed review reveals the town’s transformation from a primarily natural landscape into a developed urban area with significant infrastructural changes.

This revised report improves clarity and coherence, ensuring accurate representation of the data and using slightly more sophisticated language suitable for the IELTS academic level.